Saturday, February 11, 2006

The Guy's Story Sharing

I spent my Fri night at a medical research facility. While the guys were out there having fun partying, drinking and possibly fucking, I was in the company ot 12 other men. Men, who like me had traded a piece of their weekend freedom for ALOT of money. Beyond my expectation, the night left me in stitches from laughing and I would have died twice over if I had asthma. When guys get together, we share stories..

These are some of the ones I can remember, alot of them were situational comedy which I either cannot remember the entirety of them or will not do justice by regurgitating them out in my colloquial ranting.

There was this guy, Dave who told us that one of his 'few' expectations of a girlfriend was to be given a blowjob on call. And that was his prelude to sex. I quote him, "Dear, I want.." and at this instance, he expects his girlfriend to respond, i quote again 'Immediately' to his needs.

Then he told us this story about how he's ex-girlfriend used to refuse to give him a blowjob which he could never understand why. And since he equated blowjob = love, it was obvious he didn't stay long with her, cos he felt she didn't love him enough. This led to a full scale debate between the rest of us and him.

Eric: "You equte love this way, everyone has a different perception of love."
Dave: "I know, mine is simple. I just want a girl to give me a blowjob as and when I want. Its just a blowjob!"
Andy: "Ya, but maybe she's scared of dicks, maybe she choked on one before.."
Dave: "WTF! It's just a dick, can't she just do what I want."

Then I came in to blow the discussion away.

Me: "To you its just a blowjob.. What if she had a fetish and wanted you to do.."
Dave: "Of cos I'll do it!"
Me: "What if she likes you eating out her ass?"
Dave: "I suppose I would.."
Me: ""Right after she just taken a dump..."
Dave: "Fuck!!!!"

I continued scenario 2

Me: "Or maybe she wants you to go down on her.."
Dave: "I'll do it if she's shaved.."
Me: "In the middle of her shitting.."
Dave: "Fuck you!!! You are destroying my sex life!!!"

Everyone ruptured, but I made my point in the most extreme example I could think of. I had to make him understand that perception to blowjobs differ. I did it, I'm good.

Jonanthan told us about anal sex and how its supremely overated. I cant contest to this.

Jon: "I tell you, its overated. You lube yourself up, fuck, and what you get is shit all over your dick."

Dave: "Where got shit? You fucked her right after she went toilet ah?"
Jon: "Maybe yours had a clean intestine."
Andy: "What has clean intestines got to do with this?"

Someone told this story about fucking a girl without a clitoris, I cant remember who.

xxx: "I got so worried because I couldn't find it. I pryed open her libia and stuck my finger up her for almost a minute. And because of that, I went to do extensive research on it online."

I told them my stories, one about the the crazy bitch and the other on the blowjob folly. They thought it was hilarious and also that I was a total asshole. There's was one Russian guy in the group, who sat quietly listening and laughing at our stories and declined to participate at first. He was a Russian Computer Engineering PhD student, here on scholarship and about to learn the vices of Singapore. After much egging from us, he joined in, and contributed some really whacked stories. The only thing I was expecting was the heavy Russian accent which he didn't have..

We were on the topic of sexual fantasies.. and this is the funniest I've heard EVER!

John: "zu know I always wanted to fuck Malay gurl, in her tudong while she is singing Allah Hakbar.."

note: He specifically used the words.. Al Hakbar? I not sure if I spelt it or got the correct words, but it's verses from the Koran if I'm not mistaken.

Wicked!! That was absolutely wicked. I have to give it to him for the most innovative sexual fantasy I've heard. I nearly fell off my chair laughing.

John: "Yea and zu know, Russia. We have TV station zat we can give video to. I want to give video of me fucking Malay girl singing and tell people of Russia, 'Can you do that?' "

He goes on to tell us some Russian stories. This guy was pretty amusing and witty, though his accent hindered our response time to laugh.

John: "In Singapore NS is ok, you are small country. In Russia, we can get posted all over the place. You can get posted to North Pole and zat is it for you. You have to go make friends with icy (polar) bear and if you horny, there is no one. You have to fuck bear." (sic)

John: "You know I have have African girlfriend. I like, cos in Russia, we no see African people before. I like chocolate."

John: "In Russia we say, there is no ugly women, only not enough Vodka."
Me: "Here we say the same thing but we add, 'pls keep the lights off'. "

John: "In Russia, I never see Ladyboy before. Only when I come Singapore, I see women taller than me standing outside Orchard Tower. I thinking, 'women here look weird but very pretty' then my friend say that is boy, I say.. WHY!!"

It also highlighted the ignorance of local men to the wonders of Orchard Towers. One of them was even clueless about Ladyboys.

Dave: "They don't have dicks so we fuck them in the ass?"
Me: "No.. in the vagina."
Dave: "THEY HAVE A VAGINA!!!??"
Me: "Constructed.."
Dave: "Wah... I want to go try. So where's their balls?"

Some other guy had a very ambitious sexual fantasy.

Elvis: "I want to fuck in the middle of Orchard Road. I wanna pitch a tent, hang a road works sign and fuck inside the tent."

Elvis: "This other time, I fucked my girlfriend at Marine South, along the river. We were waving to people on the boats passing by while I fucked her."

I probably didn't do justice to some of the stories, but I was busy trying to remember what everyone was saying and trying to concentrate on the next fella who was telling a story. Had there been a fire, we would have been like boy scouts toasting marshmellows and sharing stories of our first wet dream.

9 Comments:

At 11:03 AM, Anonymous megaman aka hilarious said...

hey ... where did u get this medical research $$$ lobang ?? me interested in joining u lehh ?? how much $$$ they paying ?? nd to kena stick needles or anytin ?? :)

 
At 5:54 PM, Blogger The Butterfly said...

u need to stick needles cos blood drawing is mandatory. they pay heaps of cash.. at least over the 1k region.

send me an email with your name. i'll send u bacik the number to call.

 
At 10:07 AM, Anonymous megaman aka hilarious said...

thanks a lot ...
can send the email to gilagila100@hotmail.com

 
At 3:56 PM, Blogger G-man said...

dude mind if i join you guys too? (:
my email is sgautaman@hotmail.com

 
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