Butterfly Does Halloween
Like all great calender dates, Halloween is another excuse to kiss whiskey bottles and lick tequila shot. For me, its a faint excuse to doll myself up.
For the past week I've been contemplating what to engage Halloween as and I settled on "I'm going to be a transvestite". It's a celebrated agreement amongst us. Everyone is dying to see me in mini skirt, high boots, laces and a whip to spank myself for misbehaving. Unfortunately no..
While everyone was overdosed on Progressions the night before, I was busy shopping for groceries to prepare for the house party we planned on before heading out for Gatecrasher at MoS. Yes, I cook. I whip out a mean serving of Tiramisu, and for those lucky enough to savour it, that was your ONLY guilty indulgent for the night.
8.40pm: I get to my apartment with Faith and we start preparing the tables.
8.50pm: Faith starts painting my nails.
9.00pm: Germ and Shawna arrive with drinks and chicken wings and starts complaining about me starting dinner withous them.
9.10pm: Germ complains that my writing has too many bombastic words that reading it with a dictionary is beginning to tire. As promised, this entire post will be as simple on the tongue as a bedtime story.
9.17pm: Painted nails gives me difficulty with utensils. I start growling at the sushi.
9.30pm: Pappy arrives with Mroy and Marilyn.
9.40pm: Shawna starts doing my makeup.
I've been told countless times that I'm blessed with good female features. I have, as the girls put it, good ideal finger nails, huge doll eyes and eyelids perfect for eyeliner. To add to this, I'm bitchy, perpetually vain and I have the tendency to check myself out on anything reflective.
The initial product from Shawna left me scarred with feminity..
Shawna: "Maybe I should do the tail like those Indian eyes.."
Me: "I'm not hearing things that I want to hear.. that does not sound cool at all."
Germ: "Aiyah, he wants the Japanese goth look."
Me: "Yes! Finally someone is saying key words."
Faith comes in and takes over with the worst possible introduction. "
Faith: "I seldom wear eyeliner, I don't really know how to do this but it should be simple.."
15 Mins of hilarity at my expense, this is the outcome.
I was going for the whole Gothic Japanese Glam rock get-up, but I ended with a cross between that and transvestite overdosed on eyeliner giving $10 blowjobs.
12.15am: We wrap up the house party and the 11 of us made our way down to MoS.
The best thing my makeup gave me was envy. Most of the girls I met loved my eyeliner. Gerrie introduced some hot chick.
Rita: "I love your eyeliner!"
Me: "I love it too."
Rita: "So who are you supposed to be?"
Me: "I'm a Shiseido cover girl."
And she introduced something even better. Martini Bianco with 7 Up. If Heaven had poison, it'll be this. Reznor tells me that this is a sleeper drink, its the RS6 of cocktails. Before you know it, you'll be hunched over the seat giving the toilet seat cover that well deserved Halloween blowjob.
The last time I got so excited over a drink was Zouk's Blowjob and that Absinthe at Buddha Bar in Perth. The green fairy was absolutely wicked, it tasted like the urine of the Devil, it burned my throat like a wildfire, but once I digested it, I wanted more.
The music was the only thing better than laughing at people dressing up to look like absolute idiots. The guys randomly kept egging me on to dance and I kept pissing them off with my diva-esque replies,
Me: "Sorry, too much dancing is going to smudge my eyeliner. And I have to constantly look pretty. You'd never know when unsuspecting Caucasian males are going to hit on me."
Random people with costumes we met.
1. BubbleBoy - This Caucasian guy came wrapped in the bubble wrap.
Him: "Which way to the toilet?"
Me: "That way. Can I pop the bubbles?
Him: "Knock yourself out."
I start running my fingers to find the unpopped ones.
Him: "You may one to try the back. Everyone's been abusing the front bubbles."
2. A couple in doctor and nurses outfit.
Me: "Doctor! Doctor! I need a check up.”
Girl: “Erm, I'm not a doctor. I’m supposed to be a scientist.”
Ok, even I make mistakes sometimes.
3. Whales in costume.
Me: “People, when you see Whale’s in costume, you know two things. Those costumes are handmade from materials from 10 other costumes sewn together and these people don’t need costumes to be scary.”
They point out to me that the Whales are not in costume.
Me: “They made the wrong turn then. MacDonald’s is down the other side.”
4. Dudes in Roman Soldier Outfits.
I mistakenly thought they were Marvin the Martians. If any of you reading happened to be them. You guys are idiots.
5. The guy in Black robes
Germ gave him a verbal lashing when he tried to squeeze in between us.
Germ: "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO WALK BETWEEN US?! GO AROUND US!!"
He got so scared he turned around and went up the stairs instead. She’s so feisty. I like that..
6. Super Mario.
This guy was absolutely hilarious. The whole group of us starting humming the Super Mario Bros tune and he started doing the Mario hop to it. Some guy shouted, “Give that man a Pizza”.
I nearly peed my pants with all this nostalgia.
7. Guy who got scared of me.
I went to pee at the urinal and when this guy standing beside me saw me, he changed to peeing two urinals down and made sure his back faced me. I didn’t realize why till I saw myself in the mirror again.
I was so pretty.
Reznor: “You really love Halloween right? Getting a chance to look like a girl.”
Me : “I call it, ‘Bringing Out’ the woman in me.”
The rest of the guys who heard about my plan to come dressed as a Ladyboy was very disappointed at my reservation of dignity. My lack of shamelessness, my cartilage of pride and dignity was all that kept me from fully indulging in my Halloween skit.
Me: “I can’t fucking shuffle in mini skirt and you guys know how I sit. The last thing I need is people staring between my legs from the bar across.”
Ash: “I have a spare skirt in the car.”
Me: “My boxers are longer than your skirts.”
I stayed through 5 hours of solid trance, danced against fatigue, ignored a Malay guy who tried to pick a fight with me and all I was rewarded with was a stubbed toe and smudged eyeliner.
Don't you just love Halloween?