Tuesday, May 06, 2008

We Get Drunk

My liver gave a protest this morning after a salacious weekend affair of Trance and vodka at Zouk. I stumbled out of bed, battling phoshpene as I made my way to the toilet for what would eventually be my longest pee record this week.

Every memory was like a mosaic piece which I struggled to chronologically piece together for my personal detailing of everything that happened that night. What I did remember were anecdotes of what I said to various people throughout the course of the night.

It started over coffee before we caught a late night screening of Iron Man. I bought 7 tickets for the 11.30pm screening despite being well aware that the movie ran over 2hrs and that Sander was spinning very good music at Zouk and I was going to miss at least 2 good hours of partying. I am disgusted with myself.

The girls were talking about blog platforms and other IT stuff which draws little interest from me since my capacity for this is limited largely to MSN chat and YouTube.

Reznor: “LiveJournal is the one where usually all the hot people use right?”
Me: “Don’t spoil that then, just stick to blogspot.”

F: “Are there those that are for private viewing only?”
Me: “Yea, there are and you can call yours, I am a mistress.blogpot.com"

On that note, I would like to announce that I officially have my own domain, http://www.thebutterflytales.com/ , courtesy of a particular individual, who so kindly registered this out of her own pocket.

By the time we actually got to Zouk, it was past 2am and I had just over an hour to punish my liver again with alcohol. Niner was already inebriated enough to be enjoying Trance and WL was as I had feared, drunk again, and had the guys slightly worried.

And this, will be my formal introduction of WL..

There aren’t many people who can piss me off when I am drunk, but WL is one particular individual who will make you want to fill sandbags around you, just so to keep him away when he is drunk. For one, if you’ve been partying with me, you will know that I have a very wicked tongue when I get drunk and I will insult you just because you have a shoelace longer than the other. The only thing is, when I do start trash talking, it is usually amusing even though you know you shouldn’t be laughing along with me, because it’s mean.

However, WL is one particular individual who, when he gets drunk, is the one person you do not want to acknowledge as your friend, consider deleting his contact details, or simply just want to throw a punch. In proper defense, WL is a great person to hang out with, so long as he stays sober.

He is the very epitome of a bad drunk, the very kind you watch in redneck movies where it starts with a Budweiser and ends in a spousal beat down. He is Atila the Hun and he will lay absolute waste to your party if you leave him unchecked. He is so scary, if you took repercussions out of the equation, he will torch the bar down and hang everyone by the balls just for the fun of it, and then wake up 5 hours later and not remember a single shit.

Of course, he does have his entertaining moments, which is about when he is half tanked and still capable of holding his penis to pee properly. There was once he actually made a complain call to the Starhub service centre at 2.30am in the morning, just because I said he’s phone had a problem.

WL:Hello? I have a problem.”
CustomerService: “What can I help you with sir?”
WL: “I sent my friend an SMS and he didn’t receive it until 3 hours later. What is wrong?”
CS: “Sir, maybe you can try to switch off your phone and restart it.”
WL: “Are you crazy? If I switch off my phone, how am I going to talk to you??”

Within 10 mins of me getting there, WL had already started his path of destruction. Twice, as I was informed, he had directly caused one of the girl’s phone to drop on the floor by hitting it off her hands. And through the entire time he was still able to stand, he was yelling into our ears despite having his mouth so close to our ears, it would have constituted as foreplay.

WL: “Where ee da fuck are yew going?!”
Me: “To get a drink.”
WL:YEW HAR NORT FUCKING GOING TO GED A DRINK! I WILL GET YEW DA DRINK!”
Me: “Chill man, I’ll get it.”
WL: “I SAID YEW HAR NORT GOING TO GEDDIT! I WILL GED YEW WHAT YEW WAN TO DRINK!”

And this was against the throbbing bass and the periodic screaming from the crowds, and I still heard him echo through my ears so loudly, it sounded like my inner voice was speaking to me.

The eventual debacle with WL almost escalated into a physical altercation, which started with him throwing playful but VERY forceful punches at me, built up to a verbal warning I delivered and ultimately ended with me pinning him to the wall with my hands around his neck. Then 10 mins later, he was giving the toilet bowl the mandatory post alcohol digestion and regurgitation blowjob.

And that ended any chance of us getting thrown out the club or growing deaf. And because I was getting pretty sloshed by then, I actually missed him being around. And as I write this, I believe he truly deserves an entire post on our past clubbing chronicles.

Some drunk guy fell down while trying to shuffle and I responded with the only way I knew how sympathy should be dished out to idiots,

Me:HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

Someone chided me for being mean and insensitive to the physical well being of another human being. And you have to understand that this was when I was half tanked. Even when I am sober, I will not hesitate to laugh at the misfortune of others because I am a horrible person, so when I am drunk, 'conscience' and other stupid huge words like ‘consideration’ and ‘civic mindedness’ are not as important as words like, ‘taxi’ and ‘vodka’.

Me: “What are you? A fucking Care-Bear?”

I started talking to some random people at the smoking area and the conversation picked up on something about horoscopes and progressed to a point where one of them asked, ‘What are you?’

Me: “Largely an asshole, but also many other things. Child murderer included.”

They either didn’t get the joke, didn’t know I was joking or just plain stupid. Maybe I am no longer funny. They also stopped talking to me after that. I am not good with people.

8 Comments:

At 11:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nope..not entirely. I find u v funny, U're a joker, judging from yr writtings. Here honoring U with the title 'Humor God'.

People who dun get yr joke just mean they got no sense of humor or.. the 'level' of their sense of humor just doesn't meet up..ha. To add on, at d v least u're outright & candid with yr joke, & who on earth dun sneer nor laugh/dig at ppl.. & does laughing or gossiping behind other's back means any kinder or being more sensitive to others? Unless U're one 'Kong Zi' yourself :) No rite.. then.. & pls dun mind me(my words), for if u do u're just being too petty coz Im just practising my right to speech :)

violetjade

 
At 5:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

his phone, not he's.

fey

 
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