Bangkok Escapades

The place, Bangkok. The plan, to party. The execution grounds, nightspots. The target, girls. The motive, NO ONE IS SLEEPING ALONE. The players, LB, fellow vice associate and my possible soulmate in this butterfly trade, Round Eyes and me. We’re keeping objectives simple and direct.

Welcome to Sin City.After so much hearsay on the night scene in BKK, we were ready to paint the town red. It didnt matter that the first night there came to a disappointing nought, much thanks to delays and the 2am closing time of clubs there. Two fucked up tuk-tuk con rides later, I called my Thai princess to come rescue us from an impending disaster of roaming the streets.

Tame nite, other than a gay trying to take my picture and hitting on everyone of the guys. The great thing about Thailand is that half of the population there (females at least) have picture perfect features. Plastic surgery is a cultural norm, though everyone starts looking the same after awhile. I’m shallow so if u have a nice nose and boobs, I will fuck you.

Thailand is also quite possibly the friendliest country you can fly to for under $300. Smile at them and they return a smile and if you play your cards well enough they might just walk right up to u. It was a barren first nite. No party, no booze, no sex. The only one’s flashing at us are ladyboys. Tomorrow would be different, we fucking swore.Day 2You can never truly say you’ve been to BKK without a mandatory trip the massage parlours. We headed for the very highly recommanded J-One (credit to the travel agent and his convincing advertisment handout with a bevy of flesh).

It looked exactly like a KTV from outside, but once inside, our hormones raged alittle. The gals were seated behind a "supposed" one way mirror very much the fish tank concept we have in SG. There were several categories, ranging from 1500bht (do the fucking math.. sgd$1 is abt 24.7bht) but those ladies looked like they went to school with Queen Elizabeth. Then there were the 2500bht section of plain looking girls, whom in the right overalls, would qualify for a factory spot at Tuas. I cant fuck either of them too, which left us with the 3000bht crop. I’m started to feel conned by the pictures on the handouts.

None of the girls were remotely close to the calibre we saw on the handouts, but they're collectively pretty ok. The 3500bht gals were seated on the sofa just next to the "tank" offered a variedly better ease on the eyes, but none of them looked anything worth trading a bottle of Martell for.We took our time in choosing but I already had my sights set on one the moment I stepped in. The guy in charged gave us a brief run down on the girls and he highly recommanded we take the 3000bht ones cos they were more experienced in massage (sneaky fucker, we know all abt the commission).

Round Eyes ended up wanting the same girl as me so I picked this other one with a pretty face but the body looked like she needed some work on. We paid up and they brought us to the room and some some casual small talk ensued.

Gal: “Hi, wart your name?”
Me: “xxx, you?”
Gal: “Toom, where yew come from?”
Me: “Singapore...” (pls fucking get me to the room.. i hate boring small talk) *smile*

I’ll spare you the details, but this one truly re-wrote my application to send in my definition of ‘Cat-bath’ to Webster’s.

Everything ended and I waited again downstairs at the "tank" for the others. I hate waiting, so I maximised my time by flirting with the 3500bht gals. Rules of flirting. only go for the ones who seem interested. Smile at them (all of them) and see who smiles back.

I finally picked the one who looked like she had friends ( I am at times capable of altruism). I kept smiling, winking, played wif my hair, stuck out my tongue and other textbook teases that qualified me to enter primary school again. I finally asked the man in charge if i could give them my contact and that fucker told me that they won’t call me out, which i absofuckinglutely didnt think was the case.

I’m periodically dense to open attraction, but I was way prepared to bet my left testicles that the girl was interested Plus, her friend was very into LB. So finally just before I left, I headed to the toilet and she chased after me shortly.

Gal: "handphone handphone!"

This was against their rules, but morality and pride should always take a back seat when I’m involved. That, was a nail in the coffin. Suddenly, our nights are filled with so much more anticipation.

Nite.

We headed to Patpong for the A-go-go bars, which was one of the primary objectives in our check list to begin with. The conquest of BKK was just begining. Thais dig us, they love us and they love Singaporeans cos they think we're rich.

We headed for Electric Blue which was near the end of Patpong, which had an entourage of dancers decked in bikinis and boots. If Tom Ford is reading, this should be your Summer/Spring collection.

Round eyes actually managed to fall asleep at the place. Yes fell asleep, when half naked girls were prancing around. Truly amazing, that would clearly be the male equivalent of being able to shoot darts with ya pussy.LB and me targetted one of the gals. Double ponytail, good body, a cute face and we quickly signalled her to come over. She brought along a frend who looked like she lost a battle to a lawn mower, and sure as hell wasn’t going to buy her a drink or offer her my seat.

The cute girl's name was "Ai" however u spelt it. She sat with me and the other gal with LB, which was wrong cos LB was the one buying Ai a drink and no one wanted to entertain to the ugly one. I told Ai to switch, went to the loo, came back and the Ugly was gone. I was so relieved, I’d have peed my pants.

I didnt have to do the "I don’t like u, now please fuck off" speech and I still got to be a nice guy. I called another over with a good bod and coupled with the fact that I love girls with tattoos. The only down side was that she had bad teeth but this was oversight on my part. The only reason I didn’t really give a hoot’s ass about it was really cos she was playful and kept pulling my head to rest on her boobs. Life's natural comfort pillow. We can't be complaining much.

The rule was, to never stay at a place long, since there are many fishes left waiting to be eaten. Call it a melioration of chances, but we really deserve only the best. So we wandered off as soon as the beer lasted us. LB moved in, took her number and checked on the damage required to take them out with us. We decided against it anyway we went off.

Now the next bar, King's Castle (dunno which one but there's a whole franchise of them) was kick ass. To begin with, the girls were much hotter, they looked suspiciously jap and one had a tattoo. I fucking swore they were into us and they kept wanting us to sit near them. It also helped that I was openly flirting with them.

The Tattoo girl ran out of the pub when I wanted to leave, so I promised her that we’d be back tomorrow instead. Anyone slim who chases after me with bouncing tits is going to have my undivided attention. Now she, was hot. If we didnt have a pre-arranged date to club at RCA, I’d have wanted to stay and take her back when it ended.

We headed away from vice city for RCA, which was pretty much like the now defunct Mohd Sultan; Couple of up class clubs, boring but the music was decently good and forgiven largely because a bottle of Johnny Walker went for around 1000-1500 baht.

The gal at J One called later that nite. Communications was a bitch even when she said she could come over to the hotel but I was way to tired to wait for her. LB bitched incessantly about having to sleep alone again and kept insisting that I called the girls over, but he fell straight asleep almost immediately after ending the sentence.

I was too shagged to even consider unzipping my pants. The night's story was all geared towards celibacy.