Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Bangkok Escapades part deux

Day 3

We woke up at about 1pm, yes yes, you read it right. Last I checked, we were on holiday, not in the army and Chatuchat aint having a sale on chicks so we don't really give a fuck. Remember, the motto, we're counting babes here, not how many t-shirts we bought.

LB scared off a cabbie cos he couldn't say Siam Square and it came out as "Siam Supperclub..err Siam Plaza.. err Siam Centre?". We MUST have some "please con me" sign plastered across our heads or it was some invisible banner we had on our backs, because almost every other cabby tried to feintly press the meter when we fucking specifically said "uncle, meter".

Siam Square is pretty much like Orchard Road with a University built right next to it. I can picture SMU already. Some seriously hot chicks in an equally hot Varsity uniform kept our eyes off the shops and right at the hemline. LB pulled a "can i borrow a light" move on one chick in green, who TOTALLY out slanged us. Aussie slang, I smelt it from a mile, but said she graduated from NZ. Right.. I'm amazed how people pick up accents in like 2 yrs. Might be the water.

We went for a massage with everyone else which entirely took the tits out of the equation. LB once told me that nothing is ever clean in BKK though so we changed into the PJ's with a tinge of placid anticipation. LB and Round Eyes had the bed next to mine with a semi-opaque curtains drawn between us.

The masseuse came in and the immediate vocabulary in my arsenal was 'Eww', then followed by 'plump' and 'not good looking'. This fucking better be a decent massage. I was going to go limp for the entire session, so she'd better not disturb. The massage was so so, and I was still limp. She pressed my inner thigh. Still limp. I think it ODed on valium or something and might quite possible require Viagra to reclaim normalcy.

I couldn't hear LB, but LB never goes limp anyway. Round Eyes is not moving or talking, his masseuse must really be ugly to scare him like that. i made small talk with mine and she suggested we try Hollywood for a taste of the local club scene. I made some comment about needing gel for my hair and she thought I was funny and cute. For the record, I was STILL limp.


We headed to Hollywood at Rachada area after promising recommandations by SO many locals. We ordered two bottles of whisky and they ushered us to a table. First impression. TECHNO club. Second impression, Cabaret dancing. The group was getting restless cos there wasn't any party, nor a proper dance floor and the music absolutely killed any semblance of a smile.

LB made the save by pulling me up to the second level where it was COMPLETELY empty. We went on to the balcony and started dancing to a suspicious mix of Thai and break beats. Yes I'm a slut and I will dance to any music. It didn't hit me but as LB puts it "we look like two kukus" cos everyone else was actually looking at us.

I believed it was a good way for quick attention grab, cos the dancers at the DJ booth started dancing with us and soon they were waving for us to go down. In any case, they look yummy enough from where we were, if not, we had two bottles of whiskey at our disposal. The final straw to this was that I was prepared to dispose of my contact lenses.

So being the ever obedient guys that we are, we made straight for the booth. One in cap (very cute.. she's called C) went over to talk to LB and another, Ann (pretty pretty lady) came to me and I asked if they wanted to go up with us. After some coaxing, they told me they'll see me upstairs.

Ann came up with another dancer, a hot bod called Bowl. Both of which, I like and both told me that I was very pretty and I was spoilt for choice. Ann was 28 and she was the current manager of the dancers. Another one in cap came up later and next we know, we were in the company of babes.. LB is happy, Round Eyes isn't asleep and complaining for once, the other guys in the group were looking on in envy. Everything was PUUURFECT....

J-One gals called to say they were coming down to meet us. LB suggested we go with the J-One gals tonite then head back for the Hollywood babes tmr. We swooped in to get their contacts. The J-One gals suddenly looked normal.. my mind was still on Ann and Bowl.. and C. The one tt took my no. is Jai and the one thats like 3 seconds away from marrying LB is Ying. Thai gals hate butterflies, so the stone was cast upon me like I was the villain for the night.

Anyway, we paid 1000baht to our hotel for bring a guest back (do the math.. 500baht a guest). Fucking hotel rule, I'm never staying there again. Some chit chat and I was talking way more than my prescribed doctor could allow. I can tell its the whiskey. LB left the room with Ying for Round Eyes room. I'm stuck in the room with Round Eyes n Jai.

Jai: "Yew butterfly.. no good"
Me: "ya lah ya lah.. no one asking u to fuck me wad..."

By the end of the night,

Jai: "Yew butterfly.. its ok.. i like yew"
Me: " ya lah ya lah.. wadever.."

The vulgarities went gone cos she had her hands in my pants. I'm usually nicer when this happens, but the will to sleep in is probably the cause of declining birth-rates. Anyway, LB came back into my room in the morning with Ying and boy, can Thais sleep. They fucking refused to wake up, and we almost had to call an ambulance because to have them carried off the bed.

Day 4

A new day called for new blood. The J-One impact was history. Contenders, Patapong and Hollywood. We still had tons of places we wanted to go like Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy (Ago go joints) and Nasee (however u spell it) and Bed Supperclub, which no local ever seemed to have heard of b4. we met one of their thai frends at MBK in the afternoon and I cant wait for nite to come and it takes boredom away. Some road rage taxi took us to MBK, I fucking swore I thought he was gonna get us all killed in a RTA at some point.

After some delays in our plans, we headed to Soi cowboy. Nicely light streets, a cornucopian feast of pubs, lotsa gals and lotsa ugly gals. Very much the holiday I was expecting. Nice themes they had; nurses, schoolgals, ugly gals, scary beggars, but nothing much worth working off my bottle to stay.

Time is ticking and I still wanted to find Bed supper. It took an eternity before a taxi that finally knew the place. Ok, so they know it as Bed Disco. 300baht entry and a very chic decor. Plus points. All caucasian, YAWN.

LB is busy stealing matchboxes, stirrers and coasters to recoup the 300baht loss. The speaker broke down so there wasn't any music and some bitch dropped a bottle down the second floor that hit this guy square in the head and that was pretty much the highlight of the night there.

We made our way back to the place where we knew had a potential pool of eligibles all ready for the picking. My sole purpose were the dancers from Hollywood. It's our last night in BKK and I sure as hell wasn't gonna let it go by without at least a decent shag.

After some persuading to let us go to the second level, we picked up our game. LB and I partied away as usual, with our now routine on the balcony. Round Eyes had played his normal reserved game and got hit on by some Thai girl with braces. He disappeared for the night shortly after and I was left with LB, which was pretty much all I really need; We're more efficient as a duo anyway..

Ann and the dancers head up to find us, but it was already getting late and I was getting a little bit smashed on whiskey. Ann needed to head back home and said she'd call us in Singapore. I was having a blast, entirely clueless about the girls but we weren't gonna take them back to the hotel with us tonight.

That spot, was filled by my Thai Princess...


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