The Macau Story - Lisboa

If there is a word to summarize Macau adequately, then that word is Commercialization. From overpriced fast food joints to the casino jungles to the great polarization of income disparity. And like all cities, created and sustained largely on the tourist dollar, they commercialize the single most important commodity,

Sex.

There really isn’t much to do in Macau except to gamble – and people say Singapore is boring. Yes, you can do dumb stuff like bungee off the Macau tower, but you are in the Sin city, do you really want to die jumping off a building without so much as getting a handjob on the way down?

It’s because travelling all the way there just for that, or sightseeing for that matter is like wanking yourself off in an orgy. There is a time and place to be adventurous, Macau isn’t one of them, unless you are cart-wheeling naked through the casino.

I don’t know much about the sex scene there to properly write a credible thesis, but from what I’ve seen, if you look like a domestic helper from Philippines or Thailand, then you are highly desired there. I’m not even joking because we saw a whole load of them and I thought the place was a maid agency.

The only thing that distinguished them as working girls, were the translucent blouses and prominent number tag display. And they need it, because the moment they so much as a have broom in hand, you will be asking her to clear your table and bring you coffee with your newspapers.

That said, I must advise Lisboa as a destination for all, even if you don’t have a penis, because if Macau ever had to promote tourism, this is one place they should be promoting.

When we first arrived, no one told us anything about the place, no historical brief or a pre-emptive wink that we were approaching the greatest spectacle of all Macau. All we knew was that it is a hotel and there is a casino, which makes it like 90% of every other building in Macau.

2 minutes into the building, I corrected my verdict that Macau lacked beautiful women, because here I was at a basement and there were hordes of women in powersuits walking pass me, and I thought,

“Wow, people in Macau work really late.”

Then couple seconds in, it became, “Wow, I would really love to work in an office here.” Suddenly, I sensed something amiss. By the general rule of thumb, when a place is filled with gorgeous people, you can assume the following,

1. You are at a Ladyboy bar
2. They are prostitutes
3. You are in Taiwan. If you are not, then refer to 1 and 2.

This was quite a sight because there we were, at one of the restaurants and I was looking out and there were easily 50 girls, in office wear, just pacing the entire basement. And most of these girls were hot and they were walking so fast up and down the corridor, you would actually have thought this was Raffles Place.

They are the reason why the term ‘Streetwalker’ was coined, because all they do is walk and it is literally a mobile Geylang. This was going to be my reference quote to prove that Chinese are an industrious race because for the sheer distance they walk each day, they would make an Ethiopian school boy who runs to school every morning look lazy.

I could have sat there and amuse myself all day just by watching them walk by so hurriedly as if they had a purposeful destination or that they were genuinely late for an appointment. Then a minute later you will see her walking back again, still hastily and you think, “oh maybe she left something behind.” Then she walks by again and again you say,

“Either she’s really forgetful or I guess that’s what she does all day.”

Beyond that, it’s all the same. If diabetes ever becomes airborne, you will know that these are the people who spread it, because these people say the sweetest shit.

I don’t know why people turn to psychiatrist when they are suffering from low self esteem, because if you ever need to cure it, you should go to places like this. Most of these girls are so trained with words that they will convince you that you are the best looking guy in the building.

If doesn’t matter if you are a victim of alopecia or that your face is a topographical representation of the Grand Canyon, because they will convince you that those are manifestations of character and that your perceived flaws are virtues in their eyes.

Some of them are so good, they will make your 2 inch dick sound like Sea Biscuit.

So here I am, trying to save lives. If you are suffering from depression, your girlfriend left you or maybe you felt you don’t have a redeeming trait in you, then head down. It’s therapeutic really, and when you’ve heard enough bullshit you can actually convince yourself that it’s true.

If all else fails, then maybe it’s time to do that bungee jump off the tower.