Friday, October 28, 2011

The Mute Photograph

I know in life there are times that a line is drawn to keep the morality and integrity of men in check. By breaching it, we fall from grace, beyond redemption and cheers and we face the scorn of the masses who believe it's only okay to poke fun of people behind their backs. And we perhaps await the wrath of karma.

I know it's wrong to laugh at the paralympics, to kick children in the head or to steal from blind people. But I am an asshole, and as such I grant myself impunity from all consequences. Save your moral lashings for lesser men, this blog was built on one premise.

People who are clearly not equal, do not deserve equal chances, because that would be called Communism.

Sometime back I encountered a guy at the club. At first I thought he was a foreigner because he was gesturing and I thought he was just being rude to me when he used these sounds to communicate with me.

"Uhhh uhhh, ahhh, uuuhh."

He was trying to get me to take a picture for him and a local male celebrity. For a start I hate being asked to take pictures, especially for random male strangers, but I am on a campaign to change the world through my graciousness and run for eventual Presidency, so I decided to be nice and help. even if the person has a penis.

I took the first shot and when there wasn't a flash, I knew the picture was going to suck and that I would need to do a retake. It wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that when you are in a club that is pitch dark, you need flash. I don't give a shit if it's a Canon, you still need flash.

Me: "You need to on the flash."

He fiddled with it briefly, paused at the blurred picture I had taken and then went on in his second attempt to communicate with me. I took the camera and snapped again. Still without flash, which puzzled me.

Did I not tell him that he needed flash? Is it not obvious from your pictures that you need flash for dark places? Is he a moron? I repeated myself to him again.

Me: "You need flash. It's too dark."

This exchange of camera from me back to him for a toggle and disapproving looks cast upon the heaps of failed photography, ran up to six in total. Imagine, I was standing there, dripping in patience while my vodka was being diluted by ice and I had taken 6 pictures, and at each time, telling him to on the fucking flash. That was my only request.

Finally, I got tired of it and I started yelling into his ear.

Me: "YOU NEED TO ON THE FLASH!!!"

He didn't respond to me at all. Not even to flinch despite having someone yell right into their ear. The male celebrity then turns to me.

Celebrity : "I think he's deaf."

Me: "I think so too.. He's just not listening."

Celebrity : "No.. Like I think he really is deaf."

I paused for a long time. Fuck.Me.

It all made sense. I really am a moron. Fuck saving the world or achieving saint-hood, so long redemption, hello karma. I am going to hell.

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