The One About My Red Eye

Porn is a foil for reality and not many people realize this. It’s a play on fantasy and subjugates you into believing that what you see is worth practicing or subscribing religiously to.

It feeds you with novelties beyond your regular partake of vanilla sex, largely on boggling positions and stances that look like it was made for gymnasts but tempting enough for you to surrender inhibitions and try it even if you have a lack of dexterity.

The worse of it, is the Bukkake. It may look like it’s empowering to be giving your partner a free facial, but I assure you, this is as hazardous as employing Michael Jackson as your babysitter.

I learnt this the hard way sometime back because porn makes you think that having cum on your face is a delightfully enjoyable process. Well it had to be because all the porn starlets are always grinning even when they have semen dripping down their fake lashes. Believe me, it takes a lot of acting talent to smile with all that shit on the face.

They truly deserve Oscars, especially the ones that are being poked by 2 inches of meat and are moaning as if they are straddling a horse.

Sometime ago I learnt that seamen in the eyes, is not funny.

There she was pulling me off because fatigue gets the best of us and sometimes lying back and enjoying the moment is a privilege people tend to forget is a given right in the bedroom etiquettes. Generally, the practice would be a tap to let her know when I’m blowing my load, so that a quick cap with the mouth – or tissue if you wish to deny your partner of protein – ensures that there won’t be a need for immediate housekeeping of the bed sheets.

Sometimes, even a simple drill as such can go wrong because of complacency and blatant disregards for cues. And this one went wrong.

As I tapped her, I laid my head back in trust that she would play the part of the load catcher. She had been a stereo of moans, good enough to actually have a recording contract if there was a commercial demand for it. I just didn’t know that I would end up contributing to the noise.

All I knew was that she had gone into a low soothing moan and I thought this was because she was going to mouth cap me. And next thing I know, I saw a trajectory of squirt like it was an air raid and I immediately joined in for the orchestra.

Me: “AAARRRRGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

I started screaming and I really mean screaming because I was clutching my eye and rolling off the bed. For a moment she stopped, thinking that was my orgasmic vocal amplification, because I was panting and growling from the pain.

She: “Are you okay.”
Me: “NO!! I HAVE SEMEN IN MY EYE!!”
She: “Are you sure?”

I immediately pulled my hand off my eye and I believed the cheeks must have been glistening with enough cum because she went from dumbfounded to laughing. I was not amused. For one, it hurt. Not that it was unbearable, but there was a certain degree of dis-comfortness and I had to stagger to the washroom to run my eye under the tap.

And that was when I found new respect for porn stars.