Sunday, May 10, 2009

The One About My Red Eye

Porn is a foil for reality and not many people realize this. It’s a play on fantasy and subjugates you into believing that what you see is worth practicing or subscribing religiously to.

It feeds you with novelties beyond your regular partake of vanilla sex, largely on boggling positions and stances that look like it was made for gymnasts but tempting enough for you to surrender inhibitions and try it even if you have a lack of dexterity.

The worse of it, is the Bukkake. It may look like it’s empowering to be giving your partner a free facial, but I assure you, this is as hazardous as employing Michael Jackson as your babysitter.

I learnt this the hard way sometime back because porn makes you think that having cum on your face is a delightfully enjoyable process. Well it had to be because all the porn starlets are always grinning even when they have semen dripping down their fake lashes. Believe me, it takes a lot of acting talent to smile with all that shit on the face.

They truly deserve Oscars, especially the ones that are being poked by 2 inches of meat and are moaning as if they are straddling a horse.

Sometime ago I learnt that seamen in the eyes, is not funny.

There she was pulling me off because fatigue gets the best of us and sometimes lying back and enjoying the moment is a privilege people tend to forget is a given right in the bedroom etiquettes. Generally, the practice would be a tap to let her know when I’m blowing my load, so that a quick cap with the mouth – or tissue if you wish to deny your partner of protein – ensures that there won’t be a need for immediate housekeeping of the bed sheets.

Sometimes, even a simple drill as such can go wrong because of complacency and blatant disregards for cues. And this one went wrong.

As I tapped her, I laid my head back in trust that she would play the part of the load catcher. She had been a stereo of moans, good enough to actually have a recording contract if there was a commercial demand for it. I just didn’t know that I would end up contributing to the noise.

All I knew was that she had gone into a low soothing moan and I thought this was because she was going to mouth cap me. And next thing I know, I saw a trajectory of squirt like it was an air raid and I immediately joined in for the orchestra.

Me: “AAARRRRGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

I started screaming and I really mean screaming because I was clutching my eye and rolling off the bed. For a moment she stopped, thinking that was my orgasmic vocal amplification, because I was panting and growling from the pain.

She: “Are you okay.”
Me: “NO!! I HAVE SEMEN IN MY EYE!!”
She: “Are you sure?”

I immediately pulled my hand off my eye and I believed the cheeks must have been glistening with enough cum because she went from dumbfounded to laughing. I was not amused. For one, it hurt. Not that it was unbearable, but there was a certain degree of dis-comfortness and I had to stagger to the washroom to run my eye under the tap.

And that was when I found new respect for porn stars.

12 Comments:

At 11:53 PM, Blogger Jin Xian said...

its extremely basic in nature (alkali) of course it'll burn.

 
At 12:02 AM, Anonymous g_angel37 said...

Sorry but with all due 'respect' my drink is all over my table now. That's hilarious. I truly like your blog and will continue to be here. Thank god I chanced upon this place tonight.

 
At 11:22 AM, Blogger Coach Factory said...

longchamp outlet online, michael kors outlet online, burberry outlet online, jordan shoes, ray ban outlet, christian louboutin shoes, gucci handbags, louboutin shoes, coach outlet, louis vuitton outlet online, nike shoes, michael kors outlet online, coach purses, red bottom shoes, louis vuitton outlet, michael kors outlet store, louis vuitton outlet, oakley vault, polo ralph lauren, longchamp handbags, tory burch outlet, coach outlet, prada handbags, nike free, longchamp outlet, nike air max, kate spade outlet online, louis vuitton, polo ralph lauren outlet, true religion, tiffany and co jewelry, burberry outlet online, kate spade handbags, coach outlet store online, chanel handbags, christian louboutin outlet, michael kors outlet online, prada outlet, oakley sunglasses, michael kors outlet online, ray ban sunglasses, louis vuitton handbags, cheap oakley sunglasses, nike air max, michael kors outlet

 
At 11:23 AM, Blogger Coach Factory said...

burberry pas cher, oakley pas cher, nike air max, scarpe hogan, abercrombie and fitch, sac vanessa bruno, air jordan, converse pas cher, nike air max, longchamp, nike huarache, nike roshe, louis vuitton uk, ralph lauren pas cher, lululemon, timberland, mulberry, north face, nike trainers, nike free pas cher, new balance pas cher, lacoste pas cher, nike free, nike roshe run, hermes pas cher, tn pas cher, sac michael kors, louis vuitton pas cher, ralph lauren, nike air force, chaussure louboutin, hollister, ray ban uk, barbour, guess pas cher, air max pas cher, air max, hollister, longchamp pas cher, true religion outlet, michael kors canada, north face pas cher, nike blazer pas cher, vans pas cher, michael kors uk, true religion outlet, longchamp, sac louis vuitton, louis vuitton, ray ban pas cher

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger Coach Factory said...

babyliss pro, soccer jerseys, canada goose outlet, herve leger, birkin bag, lululemon outlet, bottega veneta, asics shoes, insanity workout, moncler, roshe run, ugg, jimmy choo shoes, ugg outlet, ferragamo shoes, canada goose outlet, canada goose uk, wedding dresses, canada goose, giuseppe zanotti, mac cosmetics, p90x workout, ugg soldes, uggs outlet, canada goose pas cher, new balance outlet, north face jackets, valentino shoes, instyler ionic styler, rolex watches, canada goose outlet, ghd, abercrombie and fitch, mcm handbags, beats headphones, soccer shoes, uggs on sale, moncler, reebok outlet, nfl jerseys, mont blanc pens, marc jacobs outlet, north face outlet, ugg boots, vans outlet, hollister, moncler, moncler outlet, chi flat iron, celine handbags

 
At 4:57 PM, Blogger sunny li said...

christian louboutin
christian louboutin
christian louboutin
christian louboutin shoes
louboutin outlet
christian louboutin outlet
louis vuitton
michael kors
christian louboutin outlet
cheap oakleys
cheap oakleys
canada goose outlet
cheap canada goose
buy canada goose
canada goose store
canada goose jackets
coach outlet store online
canada goose
michael kors
michael kors
p90x
cheap nfl jerseys
nfl jerseys
nfl jerseys factory
cheap oakley sunglasses
coach outlet online
polo ralph lauren
ralph lauren
ralph lauren outlet
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton luxury
louis vuitton
louis vuitton handbags
gucci outlet
louis vuitton outlet
sac louis vuitton
canada goose jackets
canada goose outlet
canada goose sale
louis vuitton outlet
louis vuitton outlet
moncler outlet

 
At 2:38 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

louis vuitton, oakley sunglasses, ugg boots, oakley sunglasses, nike outlet, prada handbags, ugg boots, michael kors outlet, kate spade outlet, ray ban sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, uggs on sale, oakley sunglasses, christian louboutin outlet, ray ban sunglasses, tiffany and co, michael kors outlet, oakley sunglasses, gucci outlet, tiffany jewelry, michael kors, michael kors outlet, louboutin shoes, louis vuitton, michael kors outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, ugg boots, replica watches, burberry outlet online, cheap oakley sunglasses, jordan shoes, nike air max, nike free, longchamp, replica watches, nike air max, chanel handbags, michael kors outlet, louboutin, louis vuitton outlet, burberry, louis vuitton

 
At 2:42 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

louboutin pas cher, coach purses, hogan, michael kors, sac longchamp, lacoste pas cher, true religion jeans, vanessa bruno, abercrombie and fitch, coach outlet, sac guess, hermes, ralph lauren pas cher, coach factory outlet, michael kors, lululemon, nike blazer, nike air max, nike free, ralph lauren uk, air force, new balance pas cher, air jordan pas cher, true religion jeans, converse pas cher, nike roshe, north face, true religion jeans, ray ban pas cher, vans pas cher, nike roshe run, michael kors, michael kors, ray ban uk, nike free run uk, oakley pas cher, hollister pas cher, nike air max, nike air max, timberland, kate spade handbags, tn pas cher, coach outlet, longchamp pas cher, air max, north face, mulberry, burberry, true religion outlet, hollister

 
At 2:46 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

babyliss, north face outlet, north face outlet, giuseppe zanotti, s5 cases, nike roshe, louboutin, baseball bats, valentino shoes, beats by dre, ferragamo shoes, iphone 6 plus cases, ipad cases, bottega veneta, iphone 6s cases, hollister, mont blanc, nike huarache, birkin bag, iphone 6s plus cases, chi flat iron, vans shoes, nfl jerseys, soccer shoes, mcm handbags, hollister, abercrombie and fitch, instyler, timberland boots, lululemon, ralph lauren, new balance, soccer jerseys, celine handbags, jimmy choo shoes, herve leger, nike trainers, reebok shoes, iphone cases, insanity workout, oakley, p90x workout, longchamp, wedding dresses, asics running shoes, iphone 5s cases, iphone 6 cases, nike air max, ghd, mac cosmetics

 
At 2:51 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

ugg boots uk, converse outlet, lancel, gucci, swarovski crystal, hollister, barbour, moncler, nike air max, canada goose outlet, links of london, ugg pas cher, converse, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, barbour jackets, pandora charms, pandora charms, sac louis vuitton pas cher, pandora jewelry, vans, louis vuitton, moncler, canada goose, swarovski, canada goose uk, juicy couture outlet, canada goose, karen millen, moncler, louis vuitton, canada goose outlet, louis vuitton, moncler, canada goose, coach outlet, michael kors outlet online, montre pas cher, michael kors handbags, supra shoes, toms shoes, wedding dresses, moncler, doke gabbana outlet, moncler, louis vuitton, pandora jewelry, juicy couture outlet, ugg,uggs,uggs canada

 
At 9:43 AM, Blogger Minko Chen said...

nike outlet store
true religion canada
michael kors outlet online
louis vuitton handbags outlet
timberland shoes
michael kors handbags outlet
chanel outlet store
ray-ban sunglasses
michael kors outlet
belstaff outlet
1128minko

 
At 10:55 AM, Blogger dong dong23 said...

burberry
ralph lauren uk
england world cup jersey
jordan
adidas shoes
beats headphones
ai max
chloe handbags
tommy hilfiger pas cher
bcbg
2018.2.7chenlixiang

 

Post a Comment

<< Home