Saturday, September 08, 2007

The Phuket Return - The Oil Massage Debacle

There are several events in life that are calendar marked for mental scarring, like having your nose kicked, buffet lunches with Whales and saying your wedding vows. Given the theatrical vividity of the last oil massage, I’m safely adding that to the list.

When we decided on having a massage with Seiko and Michie, we failed to anticipate several important considerations. Being,

1. LB and I were very badly burnt as a consequence of a day by the beach without the pharmaceutical prescription of sun-block. ‘Skin cancer’ might be a myth like dengue fever and Eskimos, despite what Discovery Channel says, but sun burnt is VERY real.

2. Oil massage attire.

3. Quality of masseuse. By that I’m strictly judging on ample figure, decent looks and fingers so amazingly strong, they could massage a Peugeot into a Maserati.

LB and I finally opted for an oil massage. It was the only logical option since it was humanely impossible to tolerate a rub without lubrication, especially when our backs threatened to bleed and break out in blisters. Paying for the laundry charges is not an option.

The lady led us to the beds, drew the curtains and instructed us to change out of our clothes. We stripped to our boxers only to be corrected again that we needed to be naked. If I ever did frown when I discovered I had to strip completely, I might have cried when I discovered my masseuse was the same auntie that made my bed. If this was Singapore, her day job could have been counter duties at Macdonald’s.

The only thing that consoled me was LB’s masseuse, which turned out to be a man. The thought of having another man run his fingers down my back and round my groin was inconceivably preposterous. The only other option for this is suicide. I’m not homophobic, but my body is a sacred temple, which I will only allow alcohol and women to pillage.

When my masseuse worked the lower thigh, I swore I felt her fingers periodically brush against my nuts. Her fingers were continuously pulling off near my ass-crack and she had the tendency to work tirelessly on my inner thighs.

While this wasn’t a solicitation for sex (I know for sure. I had an offer from some girl for a free massage in exchange for fucking her the following day. True story.), the only thing that was keeping the erotic value of this from escalating, was that I was giggling from watching the guy do the same to LB.

It was hilarious because I knew how homophobic LB gets and I was amazed that he hadn’t once jumped out of bed or yelled incomprehensible profanities at the guy. If my masseuse massaged my ass, the guy would massage LB’s ass 30 seconds later, so if my lady cupped my nuts, I knew I only needed 30 seconds before LB was going to throw a punch.

Suddenly, I was relieved and almost guilty of elation that was laced with so much sadism, that I almost felt bad for laughing at LB’s plight. For the first time, I was so happy to have my masseuse that I was prepared to let her blow me for free. Eyes closed, lights out and a paper bag over her head of course.

Seiko and Michie were giggling so loudly from the opposite beds that I wondered if their cubicles came with complimentary dildos. I was still grinning at LB and he was still pretending to be sleeping. This was going to be his longest hour ever,

When it finally ended and the two masseuse left the cubicle, LB rose with so much contempt on his face, I knew the barrage of profanities would punctuate every sentence he unleashed.

LB:Na bei chee bye. WHERE THE FUCK DID THE GUY COME FROM?!?! WHY WAS THERE A FUCKNG GUY MASSAGING ME?!”

Me: “HHAHAHAHA..did you…Did you get an erection? HAHAHA

LB: “FUCK YOU UNDERSTAND!”

14 Comments:

At 10:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So are at that place any substantial options
Also see my website: penis enlargement

 
At 12:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

V2 cigs cοmes in two piece desіgn and ѕtуle which combines thе cаrtridgеѕ
and atomizеr.

my web sitе: V2 cigs 15 coupon Code

 
At 11:33 AM, Blogger Coach Factory said...

longchamp outlet online, michael kors outlet online, burberry outlet online, jordan shoes, ray ban outlet, christian louboutin shoes, gucci handbags, louboutin shoes, coach outlet, louis vuitton outlet online, nike shoes, michael kors outlet online, coach purses, red bottom shoes, louis vuitton outlet, michael kors outlet store, louis vuitton outlet, oakley vault, polo ralph lauren, longchamp handbags, tory burch outlet, coach outlet, prada handbags, nike free, longchamp outlet, nike air max, kate spade outlet online, louis vuitton, polo ralph lauren outlet, true religion, tiffany and co jewelry, burberry outlet online, kate spade handbags, coach outlet store online, chanel handbags, christian louboutin outlet, michael kors outlet online, prada outlet, oakley sunglasses, michael kors outlet online, ray ban sunglasses, louis vuitton handbags, cheap oakley sunglasses, nike air max, michael kors outlet

 
At 11:35 AM, Blogger Coach Factory said...

burberry pas cher, oakley pas cher, nike air max, scarpe hogan, abercrombie and fitch, sac vanessa bruno, air jordan, converse pas cher, nike air max, longchamp, nike huarache, nike roshe, louis vuitton uk, ralph lauren pas cher, lululemon, timberland, mulberry, north face, nike trainers, nike free pas cher, new balance pas cher, lacoste pas cher, nike free, nike roshe run, hermes pas cher, tn pas cher, sac michael kors, louis vuitton pas cher, ralph lauren, nike air force, chaussure louboutin, hollister, ray ban uk, barbour, guess pas cher, air max pas cher, air max, hollister, longchamp pas cher, true religion outlet, michael kors canada, north face pas cher, nike blazer pas cher, vans pas cher, michael kors uk, true religion outlet, longchamp, sac louis vuitton, louis vuitton, ray ban pas cher

 
At 11:37 AM, Blogger Coach Factory said...

babyliss pro, soccer jerseys, canada goose outlet, herve leger, birkin bag, lululemon outlet, bottega veneta, asics shoes, insanity workout, moncler, roshe run, ugg, jimmy choo shoes, ugg outlet, ferragamo shoes, canada goose outlet, canada goose uk, wedding dresses, canada goose, giuseppe zanotti, mac cosmetics, p90x workout, ugg soldes, uggs outlet, canada goose pas cher, new balance outlet, north face jackets, valentino shoes, instyler ionic styler, rolex watches, canada goose outlet, ghd, abercrombie and fitch, mcm handbags, beats headphones, soccer shoes, uggs on sale, moncler, reebok outlet, nfl jerseys, mont blanc pens, marc jacobs outlet, north face outlet, ugg boots, vans outlet, hollister, moncler, moncler outlet, chi flat iron, celine handbags

 
At 11:46 AM, Blogger Lin Huang said...

caihuanglin20150507
air max 95
cheap oakleys
true religion outlet
polo ralph lauren
michael kors outlet online
nike air max
hollister clothing
coach outlet
tory burch shoes
burberry sale
cheap oakley sunglasses
cheap ray ban sunglasses
burberry handbags
gucci outlet
michael kors handbag
toms shoes
ralph lauren outlet
ray ban glasses
abercrombie
michael kors outlet online
ralph lauren uk
coach outlet online
coach outlet
mont blanc pens
coach factory outlet
cheap jordans
hollister clothing store
ray ban sunglass
michael kors outlet
michael kors handbags
coach outlet store online
ray ban sunglasses
chanel handbags
pandora outlet
gucci uk
ray ban outlet
michael kors
oakley sunglass
christian louboutin sale
coach outlet store online

 
At 6:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

2015-10-22 xiaozhengm
canada goose outlet usa
Nike Lebron James Shoes For Sale
Michael Kors Outlet Discount Purses Online
michael kors outlet
coach outlet store online
michael kors outlet online
Michael Kors Factory Outlet Online Official
Louis Vuitton Outlet Factory Online
Air Jordan 3 "Infrared 23"
Cheap Real Louis Vuitton Handbags
coach outlet online
Louis Vuitton Backpack Purse
cheap ugg boots
Authentic Coach Factory Outlet Online
michael kors outlet
Abercrombie & Fitch Kids Clothing
ralph lauren polo outlet
coach factory outlet
Outlet Michael Kors Online
michael kors uk
uggs clearance
Michael Kors Online Store Outlet
Air Jordan Shoes For Women And Men
coach factory outlet
michael kors outlet
ugg boots outlet
Ugg Boots,Ugg Boots Outlet,Ugg Outlet,Cheap Uggs,Uggs On Sale,Ugg Boots Clearance,Uggs For Women
ugg boots
Air Jordan 4 Green Glow
Coach Factory Online Outlet Cheap Purses
Polo Ralph Lauren Factory Outlet
louis vuitton outlet
coach factory outlet
michale kors outlet
cheap jerseys

 
At 12:44 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

louis vuitton, oakley sunglasses, ugg boots, oakley sunglasses, nike outlet, prada handbags, ugg boots, michael kors outlet, kate spade outlet, ray ban sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, uggs on sale, oakley sunglasses, christian louboutin outlet, ray ban sunglasses, tiffany and co, michael kors outlet, oakley sunglasses, gucci outlet, tiffany jewelry, michael kors, michael kors outlet, louboutin shoes, louis vuitton, michael kors outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, ugg boots, replica watches, burberry outlet online, cheap oakley sunglasses, jordan shoes, nike air max, nike free, longchamp, replica watches, nike air max, chanel handbags, michael kors outlet, louboutin, louis vuitton outlet, burberry, louis vuitton

 
At 12:47 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

louboutin pas cher, coach purses, hogan, michael kors, sac longchamp, lacoste pas cher, true religion jeans, vanessa bruno, abercrombie and fitch, coach outlet, sac guess, hermes, ralph lauren pas cher, coach factory outlet, michael kors, lululemon, nike blazer, nike air max, nike free, ralph lauren uk, air force, new balance pas cher, air jordan pas cher, true religion jeans, converse pas cher, nike roshe, north face, true religion jeans, ray ban pas cher, vans pas cher, nike roshe run, michael kors, michael kors, ray ban uk, nike free run uk, oakley pas cher, hollister pas cher, nike air max, nike air max, timberland, kate spade handbags, tn pas cher, coach outlet, longchamp pas cher, air max, north face, mulberry, burberry, true religion outlet, hollister

 
At 12:58 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

babyliss, north face outlet, north face outlet, giuseppe zanotti, s5 cases, nike roshe, louboutin, baseball bats, valentino shoes, beats by dre, ferragamo shoes, iphone 6 plus cases, ipad cases, bottega veneta, iphone 6s cases, hollister, mont blanc, nike huarache, birkin bag, iphone 6s plus cases, chi flat iron, vans shoes, nfl jerseys, soccer shoes, mcm handbags, hollister, abercrombie and fitch, instyler, timberland boots, lululemon, ralph lauren, new balance, soccer jerseys, celine handbags, jimmy choo shoes, herve leger, nike trainers, reebok shoes, iphone cases, insanity workout, oakley, p90x workout, longchamp, wedding dresses, asics running shoes, iphone 5s cases, iphone 6 cases, nike air max, ghd, mac cosmetics

 
At 1:05 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

ugg boots uk, converse outlet, lancel, gucci, swarovski crystal, hollister, barbour, moncler, nike air max, canada goose outlet, links of london, ugg pas cher, converse, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, barbour jackets, pandora charms, pandora charms, sac louis vuitton pas cher, pandora jewelry, vans, louis vuitton, moncler, canada goose, swarovski, canada goose uk, juicy couture outlet, canada goose, karen millen, moncler, louis vuitton, canada goose outlet, louis vuitton, moncler, canada goose, coach outlet, michael kors outlet online, montre pas cher, michael kors handbags, supra shoes, toms shoes, wedding dresses, moncler, doke gabbana outlet, moncler, louis vuitton, pandora jewelry, juicy couture outlet, ugg,uggs,uggs canada

 
At 9:25 AM, Blogger 艾丰 said...

jianbin1126
michael kors outlet store
cheap oakley sunglasses
nba jerseys wholesale
uggs on sale
michael kors handbags,michael kors outlet,michael kors,kors outlet,michael kors outlet online,michael kors outlet online sale,michael kors handbags clearance,michael kors purses,michaelkors.com,michael kors bags,michael kors shoes,michaelkors,cheap michael kors
ralph lauren sale
air jordan shoes
futbol baratas
michael kors handbags,michael kors outlet,michael kors outlet online,michael kors,kors outlet,michael kors outlet online sale,michael kors handbags clearance,michael kors purses,michaelkors.com,michael kors bags,michael kors shoes,michaelkors,cheap michael kors
cheap jordans
nhl jerseys wholesale
ugg outlet
north face outlet online
michael kors usa
louis vuitton outlet
cleveland cavaliers
football shirts uk,soccer jerseys uk,cheap soccer jerseys uk
new orleans saints
converse sneakers
michael kors outlet online
oklahoma city thunder
cheap oakley sunglasses
oakley outlet online
snapback hats
christian louboutin
gucci
moncler coats
ugg outlet store
michael kors handbags sale
louis vuitton bags on sale
polo ralph lauren uk

 
At 9:34 AM, Blogger Minko Chen said...

abercrombie and fitch
canada goose jackets
air jordan 4
swarovski jewelry
nike free
tiffany outlet
mont blanc pens
chicago blackhawks
links of london jewellery
true religion outlet
michael kors uk
tiffany outlet
beats by dre
adidas wings shoes
nike trainers
christian louboutin outlet
michael kors outlet online
celine outlet online
ugg boots clearance,ugg australia,uggs on sale,ugg slippers,uggs boots,uggs outlet,ugg boots,ugg,uggs
tiffany and co
1128minko

 
At 10:05 PM, Blogger Mie Helal said...





Very helpful advice within this post
http://www.kuwait.prokr.net/
http://www.emirates.prokr.net/

 

Post a Comment

<< Home