The Cialis Test Kit Story

Every once in awhile, we scorn the warnings that are thrown at us and our filter for potential hazard is set at, “I am an idiot”. Yes, sensibility and logic can sometimes elude even me; your Whale hating, stupidity laughing, nerd bashing antagonistic, virtuoso social critic.

I’m usually at my dumbest after a dose of that liver killing agent we all love, Whiskey. I’m also stupid in the morning and during an erection.

If you’ve never heard of Cialis, it’s because you don’t need it..yet. It’s the miracle drug, the medical equivalent of the blue super pill, Viagra. Only thing is that this one is more potent, or so I’ve heard. A 36Hr window period that will allow you to fuck like rabbits. It might have been a while since you saw it pass 5 inches, but now it's only a pill away.

While I was sat through a crash course on the effects and uses of this pill, only one theory was of concern and of substantial interest to debunk. Is getting drunk and having sex FINAL a simultaneous possibility?

Then, I was given the COOLEST birthday present, an erectile dysfunction test kit. I sat there gushing over the kiddish imprints, while browsing over the graphical illustrations on how to properly tape your dick.

Important Notes: (Found on test kit)

If you had sex right before using this test, you may not be able to have a sleep or morning erection on the same night or the next morning due to the natural refractory period after sex.

Like for most instructional aids, they have NO dictation over me. This was going to down the annals of virility. I was going to fuck the girl and then tape myself and wake up with the tape torn and prove that SEX and morning glories are communal habitants of a young healthy dick.

Nothing beats a girl knee infront of you fitting on an ED test tape. It’s almost like watching nuns sell dildos at the flea market. There was this subtle blend of irony and erotica that was screaming at me. All this while I counted sheep to keep myself flaccid. My self-restraint lasted under 5 mins before we found ourselves frolicking in bed.

The botched attempt to try out the kit proved two things. I’m heterosexual and I won't waste an erection.

And because I was semi drunk and losing an erection at the onslaught of an escalating fatigue level, I skipped foreplay almost entirely. I was piloted solely by the moment, a fervid combustion of bodies moving furtively across the room, ravelling over the bed maladroitly like amateurs.

Sex was passionate only for that temporal instance that is between the last under garment removed to the point of orgasm. It was a mutual consent between us that nothing, except sexual gratification would mold us. The trump card if any was sex, or the denial of it.

My anticipation lay in the post-script of this episode, when I’d finally be alone in bed again, when I’d finally properly try on the test kit. Now.. what was the warning again..
I knew it had something to do with taping the test tape too tightly..

Fuck it. I taped it the way I deemed fit and slept faster than I could spell Erectile Dysfunction. Worst.Idea.Ever.

I woke up the next morning with an irritable itch that was periodically stinging with pain on my member. FUCKING HELL, DID I JUST HIT JACKPOT? I sprang out of bed and ran for the toilet, half pulling my boxers off.

The tape was gone and in place of it were reddish lines. I had paper cut my dick with stupidity and you have NO idea how much hell this gave me. Not that it was very painful to begin with, but there was this accompanying itch that made it almost unbearable not to scratch, spank or rub it.

Now, the only thing that can top this, is if I told you about actually taking Cialis.