Whale trips, gets laughed at

I have one more proof that if you are a Whale, you will be laughed at.

The only other friend a Whale has other then their existing (should be scheduled for execution) circle of social degenerates, is the Burger King counter lady. EVERYONE else hates you if you are a Whale, right down to the toilet attendant cos your ass is bigger and you deplete toilet paper faster than a double cheese burger on your tray.

I usually dread the MRT, other than this one particular girl whom I get to meet everyday at Outram MRT. Today, I correct myself for denigrating the entertainment value of taking an MRT, my disdain for public transport has been uncalled, but ONLY if everyday is like this one.

A Whale tripped on the gap in between the train and the platform and fell face first.

I don’t know which to laugh at first. The sight of the mighty Shamu lying prone on the ground or her purple cotton panties. She was the first in and with her lying on the ground, she effectively blocked everyone behind her.

So what do WE normal healthy Singaporeans do when someone is on the ground and the “Door Closing” warning is sounding?

We cross over her.

The closest help anyone even offered was this girl who pointed out to her that her shoe fell in-between the gap. I don’t blame her for extending that unwarranted act of social pity, she’s slightly plump and she’s probably in twilight to choose her future alliance. If she’s smart enough, she’ll choose humanity. No one should live like Whales do, marking dates to coincide with buffet promotions.

The Whale got up and started squeezing itself out, murmuring “my shoe” along the way. Not like we bothered. I started moving to the corner, trying hard not to giggle. Everyone else’s look was a kaleidoscopic picture perfect shot of constipated grin hiding and superficial sympathy.

I started taking out my phone on the pretext of reading a funny text message and giggled like a silly school-girl. I’m so sneaky. Then this couple seated diagonally across me started laughing. I’m in disbelieve on how mean these people can be.

I don’t understand how there are COUNTLESS reminders to MIND YOUR STEP and yet she manages to trip. Is it because Whales are dumb in addition to being physically distorted? It’s like tripping underwater. Or Singapore actually being democratic. These things just don’t ever happen.

When I got in to office I told Spinnee about this and asked her for the moral because the Whale tripped while smsing.

Spinnee: “if u're fat & ugly , dun multitask..?”

Whales should be totally banned from MRT’s after today’s incident. They are proving to be a hazard to commuters. The potential damage to the under-carriage from that fall, the obstructing of passage leading to a possible fire hazard and taking too much space during rush hours.

On last check, are they STILL paying the same fares as me?

Call it a morning anecdote, a Prozac pill or self-reflection (if you are a Whale). The moral is simple.

If you are Fat and Ugly, You WILL be laughed at. Giving equal chances to people who are clearly unequal is called Communism. We don’t endorse that.