Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The Trench Chronicles

I'm back if any of you are still wondering, but never mind if you haven't realised the absence. It's been nearly a 3 week abstinence of partying, I am alot richer from it and my hair is alot shorter. And as of last Saturday, I am officially a trained assassin and a proficient trench digger.

After 36 hours of kicking at shovels and filling sandbags, I have a renewed respect for grave diggers. They are somewhere between rickshaw pullers and bodybuilders. They were great to have around, until Toyota and steriods came along and screwed their lives.

But Butterfly, how horrible can trench digging be you ask? I asked that same question myself. I was afterall, surrounded by men who were well advanced in years, if they could do it, now surely it can't be that bad. I was afterall, younger and well capable of holding an erection longer than them. Surely this had to be a breeze.

Apparently no. Not if you are me and have 5 years of physical inactivity and had at least 100 litres of alcohol passed through my liver and out my pee hole into several priviledged urinals at Zouk and MoS. I knew I was going to be the whore of fatigue and it was going to ass fuck me for the next four days.

10.15am : I start my survey of the site, hoping to find somewhere with soft soil.
10.30am : Everyone else has started digging. I pull on my gloves and decide I will find a spot near the trees with shade. I give myself a pat on the back for being intelligent beyond men. I start to dig.
10.45am : The guy to my right is muttering vulgarities. I am disappointed with his lack of fitness, but do not show my disapproval.
10.55am : My back aches and my hands are tired.
11.00am : I stop to have a chat with God,

"God, please give me strength. And a Bangladeshi worker to do this for me.."

11.05am : Strangely my prayers remain unanswered. And I begin to start cussing with several references to the human anatomy.
11.10am : I look up to see the guy to my left digging relentlessly. This is a guy who looks lke he is well into his 30's and digging so rabbidly that I wonder if he knows there really isn't any buried treasure under there. If he wrapped himself in aluminium, he would have qualified as an excavator.

I was tired, and needed to distract myself. So the only logical thing was for me to start a conversation.

Me: "Wah, that's damn fast."
He: "Technique.."
Me: "Heh, so what do you do? Work at a construction site? Hahaha.."
He: [looks straight at me] "Ya.."

Very.Awkward.Situation.

I am no longer funny. I decided to shut up, and continue digging.

11.20am : I start digging into small roots, which makes digging even more labourious. Is that why no one is digging near the tree? I am an idiot.
11.25am : The lower soil is soft, which makes digging a breeze. God loves me.
11. 35am : I decide that instead of digging deeper, I will pile the sides with soil to make my trench appear to be deeper. This will firstly, save energy on my part and secondly, not destroy potential earthworm habitat.
11.50am : I am done, but I piled on so much at the sides, it looks like I dug on a ramp.
12.00am : I join the rest of the men over their lunch time conversation of where is the best place to have their ass licked.

If it's one thing I realised about men, it is that there are two social adhesives in life that are geographically defiant; Cigarettes and Sammyboy.

God bless their wives.

9 Comments:

At 4:39 PM, Blogger Rambling Alcoholic said...

wahahaha...

foot-in-the-mouth disease!

 
At 11:22 AM, Blogger Coach Factory said...

longchamp outlet online, michael kors outlet online, burberry outlet online, jordan shoes, ray ban outlet, christian louboutin shoes, gucci handbags, louboutin shoes, coach outlet, louis vuitton outlet online, nike shoes, michael kors outlet online, coach purses, red bottom shoes, louis vuitton outlet, michael kors outlet store, louis vuitton outlet, oakley vault, polo ralph lauren, longchamp handbags, tory burch outlet, coach outlet, prada handbags, nike free, longchamp outlet, nike air max, kate spade outlet online, louis vuitton, polo ralph lauren outlet, true religion, tiffany and co jewelry, burberry outlet online, kate spade handbags, coach outlet store online, chanel handbags, christian louboutin outlet, michael kors outlet online, prada outlet, oakley sunglasses, michael kors outlet online, ray ban sunglasses, louis vuitton handbags, cheap oakley sunglasses, nike air max, michael kors outlet

 
At 11:23 AM, Blogger Coach Factory said...

burberry pas cher, oakley pas cher, nike air max, scarpe hogan, abercrombie and fitch, sac vanessa bruno, air jordan, converse pas cher, nike air max, longchamp, nike huarache, nike roshe, louis vuitton uk, ralph lauren pas cher, lululemon, timberland, mulberry, north face, nike trainers, nike free pas cher, new balance pas cher, lacoste pas cher, nike free, nike roshe run, hermes pas cher, tn pas cher, sac michael kors, louis vuitton pas cher, ralph lauren, nike air force, chaussure louboutin, hollister, ray ban uk, barbour, guess pas cher, air max pas cher, air max, hollister, longchamp pas cher, true religion outlet, michael kors canada, north face pas cher, nike blazer pas cher, vans pas cher, michael kors uk, true religion outlet, longchamp, sac louis vuitton, louis vuitton, ray ban pas cher

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger Coach Factory said...

babyliss pro, soccer jerseys, canada goose outlet, herve leger, birkin bag, lululemon outlet, bottega veneta, asics shoes, insanity workout, moncler, roshe run, ugg, jimmy choo shoes, ugg outlet, ferragamo shoes, canada goose outlet, canada goose uk, wedding dresses, canada goose, giuseppe zanotti, mac cosmetics, p90x workout, ugg soldes, uggs outlet, canada goose pas cher, new balance outlet, north face jackets, valentino shoes, instyler ionic styler, rolex watches, canada goose outlet, ghd, abercrombie and fitch, mcm handbags, beats headphones, soccer shoes, uggs on sale, moncler, reebok outlet, nfl jerseys, mont blanc pens, marc jacobs outlet, north face outlet, ugg boots, vans outlet, hollister, moncler, moncler outlet, chi flat iron, celine handbags

 
At 1:45 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

louis vuitton, oakley sunglasses, ugg boots, oakley sunglasses, nike outlet, prada handbags, ugg boots, michael kors outlet, kate spade outlet, ray ban sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, uggs on sale, oakley sunglasses, christian louboutin outlet, ray ban sunglasses, tiffany and co, michael kors outlet, oakley sunglasses, gucci outlet, tiffany jewelry, michael kors, michael kors outlet, louboutin shoes, louis vuitton, michael kors outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, ugg boots, replica watches, burberry outlet online, cheap oakley sunglasses, jordan shoes, nike air max, nike free, longchamp, replica watches, nike air max, chanel handbags, michael kors outlet, louboutin, louis vuitton outlet, burberry, louis vuitton

 
At 1:47 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

louboutin pas cher, coach purses, hogan, michael kors, sac longchamp, lacoste pas cher, true religion jeans, vanessa bruno, abercrombie and fitch, coach outlet, sac guess, hermes, ralph lauren pas cher, coach factory outlet, michael kors, lululemon, nike blazer, nike air max, nike free, ralph lauren uk, air force, new balance pas cher, air jordan pas cher, true religion jeans, converse pas cher, nike roshe, north face, true religion jeans, ray ban pas cher, vans pas cher, nike roshe run, michael kors, michael kors, ray ban uk, nike free run uk, oakley pas cher, hollister pas cher, nike air max, nike air max, timberland, kate spade handbags, tn pas cher, coach outlet, longchamp pas cher, air max, north face, mulberry, burberry, true religion outlet, hollister

 
At 1:49 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

babyliss, north face outlet, north face outlet, giuseppe zanotti, s5 cases, nike roshe, louboutin, baseball bats, valentino shoes, beats by dre, ferragamo shoes, iphone 6 plus cases, ipad cases, bottega veneta, iphone 6s cases, hollister, mont blanc, nike huarache, birkin bag, iphone 6s plus cases, chi flat iron, vans shoes, nfl jerseys, soccer shoes, mcm handbags, hollister, abercrombie and fitch, instyler, timberland boots, lululemon, ralph lauren, new balance, soccer jerseys, celine handbags, jimmy choo shoes, herve leger, nike trainers, reebok shoes, iphone cases, insanity workout, oakley, p90x workout, longchamp, wedding dresses, asics running shoes, iphone 5s cases, iphone 6 cases, nike air max, ghd, mac cosmetics

 
At 1:51 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

ugg boots uk, converse outlet, lancel, gucci, swarovski crystal, hollister, barbour, moncler, nike air max, canada goose outlet, links of london, ugg pas cher, converse, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, barbour jackets, pandora charms, pandora charms, sac louis vuitton pas cher, pandora jewelry, vans, louis vuitton, moncler, canada goose, swarovski, canada goose uk, juicy couture outlet, canada goose, karen millen, moncler, louis vuitton, canada goose outlet, louis vuitton, moncler, canada goose, coach outlet, michael kors outlet online, montre pas cher, michael kors handbags, supra shoes, toms shoes, wedding dresses, moncler, doke gabbana outlet, moncler, louis vuitton, pandora jewelry, juicy couture outlet, ugg,uggs,uggs canada

 
At 9:57 AM, Blogger Minko Chen said...

mulberry uk
ray ban sunglasses
tods shoes
celine outlet
michael kors outlet sale
hollister uk
moncler outlet store
kobe shoes
michael kors outlet
fitflop sale
michael kors online outlet
lululemon pants
nike air huarache
ferragamo shoes
tiffany and co
karen millen uk
nike free uk
canada goose outlet
salomon shoes
tory burch outlet
1128MINKO

 

Post a Comment

<< Home