Thursday, November 09, 2006

Butterfly Interlude...

I need a sabbatical.

I’m planning on a trip to escape my ‘crass validation of existence’. I need to leave Singapore again to still my throbbing restlessness. My superficial gratification of life, one which some of you have come to envy, is taking its toll on me.

My drunk escapades, the accidental hook ups, the planned booty calls, the late night parties, the rave addiction, the serial dating, the sex games..

I need a refreshed sobriety on my cursed lifestyle. I need valium for my fervid engagement for excitement and novelty. My life in the last 2 years has been a treadmill to keep pace with my insatiable appetite for my convivial belief of life and these have gone beyond the recall of morality.

My jocular disposition is slowly eroding. My desires have far outstretched my capabilities to sustain.

My reluctance to share myself with anyone. My fear of commitment. My disdain for imposed expectations. My selfishness. All mere walls to echo my loneliness in a bevy of potential anchorage for love.

Yes, your silence in crowds, your emptiness in self-reflection. I’ve experience them all. I’m at a junction where pain is temporal, yes, but memories leave scars. I’ve lived with many ‘What If’s’ , far beyond what is healthy.

I’m going to chase the impossible again…

And you’ll have one more story to read..

10 Comments:

At 9:12 PM, Anonymous izzy said...

you remind mi of tony leung's character in 2046.. extremely! though i hope u'll find wat u're looking for.

 
At 11:56 PM, Blogger CrimsonWolf said...

You're chained on

 
At 1:26 AM, Anonymous Joan said...

Oh yes! Tony Leung in 2046!! I actually love this piece from you. It makes you more human rather than larger than life. its good to know you have emotions too

 
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