Bangkok'ed - Prelude

I’ve come to realize that I have serious issues when it comes to having a smooth departure from an airport. Largely because 20 plus flight experiences wedged between my mental cavity of logic and absolute disregard for timing, I still keep flirting with the possibility of ‘almost’ missing my flight.

The flight was at 6.10pm. My understanding of check-in procedures is that we have to check in 2 hours in advance. Yet my comprehension of such a matter does not correlate to my desire to abide by such triviality.

3.45pm: I leave the office to head home to pack my bags. Yes, procrastination is a staple diet for my travel itinerary. Bags don’t deserve to be packed till you need to rush to the airport.

4.00pm: I reach home and contemplate over how many condoms would be an appropriate number to bring. I decide to go with 6.

4.15pm: I walk out of my estate to hail a cab.

4.50pm: I reach the terminal with an excess of an hour to spare. I am setting new records already.

5.05pm: I decide to head to the boarding gate.

5.07pm: I get distracted by the duty free store and contemplate over which fags to buy. I have not had to use my brain this much since the condom quandary.

5.15pm: I decide to try out my new cigarettes. Apparently green does not always symbolize menthol. I hate my latest purchase and I hate the colour green.

5.20pm: 50mins is a long time to wait. I start utilizing the free internet services.

5.45pm: The Internet connection is slow and I log on to my blog to see tons of complains on the tag board. I decide to ignore it and find porn. Porn is apparently banned by the proxy servers. Free Internet blows. Walking to the gate is now the next best option.

5.50pm: My gate is empty and I go from casual swagger to slight panic jog. The gate is EMPTY and there is a sign that reads, “Gate Close”.

5.51pm: I am now beyond 'slight panic jog' and well into ‘will shit my pants scared of missing the flight'.

I can't understand why my gate is closed when my flight states 6.10pm. Why would everyone be on the plane when the flight is at 6.10pm? Why would budget airlines fuck me up this badly when my flight is only at 6.10pm?

Then it hit me.

6.10pm isn’t the time for boarding the plane. It’s the time the plane takes off.

5.55pm: The attendant at the gate tells me to ‘run to the plane’. Seriously, hands up if you’ve ever heard any staff at the airport encouraging you to run out the tarmac to the plane. I believe that if I keep this up, I will get to chase after the plane on the runway very soon.

6.00pm: EVERYONE is seated. No one is storing luggage and no one is looking for seats. EVERYONE is ceremoniously seated. I am now the most hated person on the plane. I am now known as ‘the guy that delayed the take-off’.

And that was the final hour before I made my long awaited return to Bangkok. The city that started it all and co-incidentally, this was how I started this whole blog business, but that is another story for another day.

My return to Bangkok was conceived largely out of an impetus for a quick promise I made to one particular individual. The basis of my actions is still beyond the recall of rationality, given that I only just got back from Phuket barely a month ago and I was traveling to Bangkok alone without the intention of misbehaving.

Yes, we all make bad decisions in life. The only prevention from this imploding into a potential social suicidal holiday, was Niner and Scooby’s last minute decision to visit Bangkok. This as I believe, is largely due to the way I tickled them silly with tales of moral decadence, pretty faces and easy pickings. Trust me, I can sell you any travel destination if I really wanted to.

Alcohol, posh clubs and cheap drinks, it’s even easier for you to sell me a holiday. And so, the foray into debauchery was back in motion….