Saturday, January 19, 2008

Butterfly on MSN

I have a rather amusing issue, which I think is just about ripe to address.

Firstly, while the gender demographics on my blog’s MSN contact list is skewed towards a majority of females, I do have guys whom I believe to be avid readers. This assumption is based largely on the introductory statement, which generally falls in the same template as,

Hi, I love your writing..”

Which is perfectly cool. I won't ever fuck you, just so you know, but I have known people off here that have made it to my immediate social circle. If you think you laugh alot reading what I write, then you haven't seen me drunk and poking fun of stupid people. You'd break a rib from laughing, or maybe from the bar fight I start.

Then there is that insidious fraction of guys whom I until some time ago, had no idea as to why they actually have me on their list, when they don’t read my blog. How do I know that? One simple reason, they think I am a female.

It started pretty awkwardly because these guys would message me regularly on the very few occasions that I logged on with that account. Instead of immediately classifying them as homosexuals vying my virginal ass, I thought they might have been over zealous readers who were more interested in getting to know me.

Yes, the naivety in me is strangely instituted from an obscure predilection to see good in people. I have after all made some close friends with people off this blog and it’s a stellar cast of vicarious worshippers to clubbing companions. I welcome them in my life, they just have to stop before my bedroom.

Then as the days went by, it confused me further. For one, these guys seemed to know nothing about me; asking me stuff which I have been religiously preaching on the blog and quizzing me on about if I was generically sarcastic or case specific towards them. For a moment, I thought all men had either started taking mandatory sensitivity courses at the neighbourhood community centres or they donated half their balls to the starving children of Somalia.

Eventually, I got slightly worried when they started asking, “What are you doing tomorrow night, wanna do coffee?”, when everyone knows that my weekend nights are calendar marked for inebriation.

Hello, do I look like I want to spend my weekend nights in the company of a complete MALE stranger? No. You have a penis and I'm sure its a great one, but I happen to have one too, and unless two penises gets me a free bottle ofDom Perignom, there's nothing about you I'd be interested in that cannot be conversed over the internet.

The final straw came when I changed my display picture to a clearer picture of myself and they started asking, “Is that your boyfriend?”.

Raise your hands if you said, “What the fuck?!”, because that was the exact same sentence my fingers subconsciously spilled out across the keyboard. What the fuck is wrong with these morons? Which parts of my stories have remotely championed the rise of femininity? Have I ever mentioned about anyone licking MY pussy?

Then I realized something. All of them added me somewhere along the time where I had a picture of MissSeptember up, or if you didn’t realize, it was that picture of the girl where I captioned “The Human Pinball”.

Now it started making sense. One of the guys mentioned, “I think you’re hot.”, and I thought that was just a harmless asexual compliment. How silly of me, but this was just incredible. These guys had actually added me because they thought I was MissSeptember and had not even read a single post of mine after that. I'm glad I didn't post pictures of little boys or my MSN might have been flooded by Catholic priests.

Look, I’m sure logic comes with having a brain. When you are trying to pick someone up, especially off a random blog, I’m sure reading about that person is going to help. You add me just because of one picture of a girl? What a fucking moron.

Just so you missed the point. I’m running this by you again like a bullet train to your face. I am Butterfly, I am a guy and I love laughing at idiots. If you are a guy and you add me on MSN thinking I’m a girl and try to date me out because of it, I will personally fist fuck your ass and post that video here.

Any takers?


At 10:29 AM, Blogger The Horny Bitch said...

Oh man. You put what I have in mind beautifully into words. Juz that I'm a woman and they think I provide free sex.

Why can't these people read what we write, shut the fuck up and stop asking stupid questions.

You're hot and u know it. =)

At 6:40 PM, Blogger Rambling Alcoholic said...

Haha... you rock!

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