Hello Taiwan Pt 5 - Taichung

To be spending 13 days entirely in the confines of Taipei would be an opportunity cost for having to miss Taiwain's vice capital, Taichung. Besides, pretty faces and hot gyrating asses at the clubs can only sustain a man for a limited time, and this is me; an attention span as long as a size two mini skirt.


I was pretty glad we actually got down to leaving Taipei, which made this trip alot more fulfilling in that we were actually soaking up the sights and roaming out of our comfort zones of designer boutiques, discos and coffee joints.

It was like marking another destination on our passport. Not that Taichung varied alot from Taipei. The weather was the same, so was the food and shopping, but we strangely found the pretty girls lacking there. Maybe we've been too spoilt up in Taipei that we expect one postcard beauty to greet us at every corner.

Getting to Taichung was also surprisingly easily with the HSR (High Speed Rail). It was an hour away and the trains were considerably comfortable and lavished with the occassional pretty attendants who were peddling drinks and snacks off their carts. It was like budget airplanes on rails.


So what did we do in Taichung to escape our cyclical routine of skirt chasing, alcohol gulping, dusk to dawn partying? We look for the best club, and surrender ourselves to life's greatest invention.. alcohol.


God, I'm absolutely pathetic. I might have to check myself in to re-hab when I get back.

The answer to our quest was Xaga. Reputedly the best club you can find in Taichung, or so we've been told.


When we got there at 11.30pm, the club was near empty. I could throw an ashtray an probably not even hit a shadow. The only saving grace it had was a 6 complimentary drink policy which kept us there long enough for enough people to fill the place to stop me from trying to pick up LB.


By midnight, the club probably had enough people to start a campfire. There were still no on stunningly beautiful or gorgeous enough for me to unzip my pants. I took two more quick shots of Tequila, while LB kept to his coke.


There were only two girls in the clubs whom I was interested in. The DJ and the cashier. I picked the one most accessible, while LB went to work on a group of four girls. Well, 3 to be exact since one was a whale and this is quite a rarity in Taiwan. I believe they are on the national endangered species list here.


The cashier was friendly but she refused to have a picture taken with me because she said something about 'not being allowed to' and part of their 'working policy'. I could understand any of the rubbish she was saying. The only reason why I didn't throw a punch at her was because she gave me two free tequila shots and a whiskey coke.


This puzzled me. They can't take pictures but they are allowed to give me free drinks? In any case, I love being me.


By the time I got back, LB had already worked enough magic on that group to have them constantly coming back to where we were. Instead of coming back to wing for him, I made the next move to hit on the DJ.

While she wasn't exactly in that Ivy league of girls that you can pluck off at the Taipei clubs, she was the best piece of ass in a tube top I could find at Xaga. And trust me, beer googles is quite a requirement if you really want to share a toast with the mass public.

The DJ however had several things which held my attention. A killer ass, friendly, a killer ass, spoke english, a nice body and a killer ass. I paid almost no attention to the stuff she was telling me and just fixated myself on her pearly whites and glossed lips. When she eventually stopped talking, I started,

Me: "Let's got get some shots."

I took a glance at the group of girls that had plastered themselves with us and decided to buy myself another round of tequila shots. I then got another round for myself and the DJ, whom I now believe was the prime catch of the night or whatever Taichung had to offer me. LB was still avidly sober and making conversations with random strangers.

The DJ had to go off for a while for her set and I knew I was going to be inconsolable for the next half hour. I turned to see that group of girls still by our spot. I started drinking faster.

By the time the club closed, I was sufficiently tanked and dragged out by the group. I had lost sight of my DJ, didn't have the time for a last minute flirt with the cashier and no idea what was going on.

I did however know that one of the girls in the group was trippin' that night, one was hideously fat and ugly, one had on an extremely short skirt and the other whom I would remotely drop my pants for, was a hairstylist.

There were options for LB and I, but of which had been scaled down severely by the group. You know you've been claimed property of when they tell you,

"Where shall WE go now."

We eventually went for a singing session at a KTV and by the time we actually got out of the place, it was morning. The sun was up, people were already commuting to work and MacDonald's had already started flipping pancakes.

LB and I were pissed. We had just spent NT2000 on a hotel room which we barely even spent an hour in and we had to check out in 4 hours. We've had a torrid time with our accomodation in Taipei and we actually planned for this to be a rejuvenating slumber.

I'm talking fresh sheets, warm quilted bedcovers, fluffy pillows and multi-option flushing systems. These were luxuries which eluded us back at where we housed in Taipei and we almost forgot that bed bugs are not standard room furnishings.

LB: "What time must we check out?"
Recep: "12pm."
LB: "3pm ok?"
Recep: "1pm latest, additional hour is NT300 per hour, but rooms are fully booked."

We got up to the room and LB collapsed onto it almost immediately. I set the alarm for 11.45 am, considering we didn't have anything to pack. This gave me approximately 3 hours to catch a wink. By the time 11.45 am rolled by, I was too cajoled by the soft sheets and pleasant dreams to even consider waking up as a possibility.

I nudged LB,

Me: "Extend.. we'll pay the extra.."