The ZoukOut Toilet Inccident

ZoukOut is really just the clever marketing for the pink dollar. If you actually re-arranged the letters, you will discover that it actually spells, “Gay Pride Day”.

To begin with, I am not homophobic, seldom do I have issues with homosexuality. Occasionally I cheer them on, especially when it is two girls having their tongues down each other’s throats, I strangely find myself sometimes shouting, “grab her boobs”. Yet, my enthusiasm to watch men kiss each other in a manner where they look like they are sucking each other’s testosterones out, is like that of a eunuch at an orgy.

Even before I got in, I had one Caucasian guy offer me an indecent proposal with his friend,

He: “Hey, how’s it going? What you say, you and us come round back to some booth of something.”
Me: “I’d love to.”

I got him all excited and laughing and he had to share the joy with his friend,

He: “You heard him?! He said he’ll love to man!”

The perfect ending for some to this story would be to tell you about some Ménage à Troi, and you closet gays can flood me with hookup proposals, but I have no interest in men. And I hope you are smart enough to know I was kidding.

I’ve never really fancied ZoukOut much other than the fact of a myraid of eye candy and cleavage. I don’t think I’ve ever been this distracted walking before other than when I was in some Malacca street and I had to watch the floor for dog shit.

It was also simple to distinguish women from the ladyboys. The ladyboys were the ones whom in a group, looked like they were modelling for Victoria Secrets. They were also the only people who would actively come up to hit on me. It’s simple, people that hot do not need to hit on people like me.

The ONLY thing that was worth remembering was the girl who headbutted the toilet. Yes you read it right.

There was this girl who was so drunk she could even stand straight and when you are too drunk to even walk but you try to run, you know shit is going to happen to you. Not only was this girl drunk, she obviously need to pee very badly. I know this because people who are drunk do not run, unless we really need to..

One minute I see her running and the next, I see her tripping, flying head first into the side of those makeshift toliet cubicles, then concussing on the ground. She went from full motion running to being flatout in seconds. It was like watching stupidity moving at 5km/hour come crashing against reality. My reaction was that of a normal human,

Me: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!”

I couldn’t stop laughing. No matter how hard I tried. I almost thought I might have to bite my tongue to ever stop laughing. I almost thought this was half time entertainment to keep us happy before Armin started spinning. The impact was so hard, there was a 'thud' loud enough to qualify her as a member of Stomp. I couldn’t believe what I saw, so I checked with the guy infront of me.

Me: “Did she just headbutt the toilet?”
Guy: “Yup.”
Me: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

The guy looked at me as if I was some incarnate of the devil. He had absolutely no sense of humour. How can you possible see that shit and not even smile?

Her friends immediately came to her rescue, but she was already motionless by then and beyond her limits to stand unsupported. Her spectacle was in disarray and she only needed a visible bruise on her head to just kill me with laughter. I couldn’t stop giggling to a point where I couldn’t even pee straight after that.

That’s why I love alcohol.


EDIT: My friends are opening a yoghurt shop at Holland Village and they are looking for a girl to work for them.

We are looking for someone preferably 17-19 years of age. You don't have to be gorgeous but being pretty is a plus point since I will be patronising it often and I need something pretty to keep me smiling. If you are fat, do not apply. I don't want you stealing yoghurt while on the job.

Job Scope? Stand there look pretty and dispense the yogurt. How hard can that shit possibly be? Please send all enquries to thebutterflytales@hotmail.com

If you are looking for a job, just send in your contact and details. GIRLS only. They need people URGENTLY