Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Butterfly’s Marketing Pt 3

Marketing should always be made with easy association to things people actually have to face. It’s months overdue, but better late than never. You haven’t already read the first and second post, it’s a good time to start.

I give you, Butterfly’s Marketing Pt 3…

1. Generally tends to be male, with cash to spend and very little brains to curb it. All you need is cleavage, a smile and a very witty introduction along the lines of ‘hello’ to get them interested.

He is usually at the bar, checking you out and will buy you a martini at the slightest hint. If he pulls out a credit card, ample cleavage will get you at least a jug. For platinum cards, your bra straps should accidentally snap and if you are really lucky – and he’s drunk and married -, you might get a condominium.

Their vocabulary is generally limited to ‘what do you want to drink’ and believe getting you drunk is the fastest way to get you into bed. They will spend and are more than willing to buy your friends (women only) a round or two of tequila.

You’re only purpose is to exploit. You’ve earned it.

Now that’s a Cash Cow.

2. You are out with a group of friends. Your domain and routine in the club is circumscribed to the table and checking your phone for imaginary messages. Your friends however, are well acquainted with alcohol and are dancing on the podium. The crowd is cheering them on and men are hitting on them.

Your observation turns to envy and you suddenly think dancing on the podium is a great idea. Your friends are advertising and to great effect. You knock back a shot and make your way to join them.

Now that’s Ad Persuasion.

However, you get up to the podium and realize alcohol cannot cure muscle spasms. Your dancing is so horrible, you look like you are going into seizure. People around you start holding up their phones to pre-dial for the ambulance. You realize clubbing is not your tea and spend the remainder of your Saturday nights playing DOTA and making love with your mouse pad.

That may seem like Counter Advertising, but it’s really Product Incompatibility.

3. It’s your birthday but you are too cheap to spend. Your friends are toasting you like it’s your sweet 16. You verbally announce your disdain for tequila and the only thing people in your immediate vicinity will remember, is you saying,

Gawd, I wished I had champagne.”

If you are a guy, people will ignore you. Hopefully, you are a girl with a top that looks to be falling off. Your cries might not have an immediate impact, but if you say it often enough, sooner or later some idiot will take the bait.

Now that’s Broadcasting

4. You have no wingman but you have two girls standing at the bar just waiting for you to flash your Amex Platinum at them. Unfortunately, one of them is ugly and you can’t buy a shotgun in the club at such short notice.

You tell her friend that you will keep her on your drink tab as long as she loses the pig next to her. You offer a bottle of Dom Perignom in exchange and she turns you down. You tell her you will not smash the empty bottle over her friend’s head and post the pictures on http://www.ugly-people-should-stay-home.com/ in addition to free drinks.

She starts to think, so you pick up the nearest beer mug to show that you are at your final offer. She relents and the ugly friend runs off crying. You win.

Now that’s, Aggressive Bargaining.

5. You are ugly, no one cares about you and you almost had problems entering the club because Halloween is over. On ladies night, they have to put you through a DNA test for you to qualify for free entry.

You are fat and the bouncers refuse to let you because we all know letting a whale in is opportunity cost for letting two other normal people in. You are asked to pay double the cover fee and when you refuse, they throw a punch at you.

That’s Quality Control.

6. You pick up some chick at the bar. You are boring, but seasoned enough to know that keeping their glasses filled is a viable option to keep her with you. Your response to her request to go to the dance floor is captioned in,

After this drink.”

The longer you can keep her at the expense of your rising drink tab is a mark of stupidity on your part. You generally fall into the Cash Cow bracket.

But that’s also a measure of Holding Power.

7. You see a hot girl by the bar alone. She has a skirt so short you’d think it was from Osh Kosh Bgosh. She is tall, has long locks out of a Clairol’s commercial and tits that are defying gravity. It no longer matters what she has under her skirt because your immediate assessment of the situation is,

She’s a Ladyboy.”

You do not care about conversation proficiency anymore and you associate all sharp noses, breast implants, stilettos and liberal clothing to Transsexuals.

Now that’s Product Association.

8. You are not hot and you know no one is going to pick you up if you stay by the bar all night. Thankfully, you have redeeming qualities like an ass that would look great gyrating on the podium and also less important attributes like wit and humour.

You know you have to offset your shortfall in the looks department so you play to your strengths. You might look like a pig with tree-trunk trotters, but once you start dancing, people start taking notice of you. Next you know, you are in the lime-light for positive reasons.

That’s Corrective Advertising.

9. You head to a club with one purpose in mind; to hook up with as many girls as possible. Tonight, you aren’t counting calories or pot-marks. ‘Cellulite’ to you is a new mobile network operator and you are forgiving to people who dance like they are victims of polio.

You want to fill your phone book with as many numbers and grab as many asses before that pre-party mix of whiskey and stout wears off. You will entertain anyone and hit on anything. If the beer mug has a skirt on, you will be chatting it up.

Now that’s Quantitative Research.

You head to a club and eye everyone without a Swimsuit Illustrated worthy body with contempt. You refer to girls in any outfit that looks suspiciously off the shelf from the Wardrobe Malfunction discount store as that ‘wanton whore’.

Your friends are grabbing asses but you prefer to say stupid things “Let’s talk, I want to get to know you” to the girls you are interested in. You believe in a hearty conversation at the club and feel the chivalrous need to first know the person before your hands come in contact.

You are either gay or stupid. Usually both.

But that’s called, Qualitative Research.

11. You blatantly tell anyone that picks you up that you are drunk and that for the next hour, every drink they get you comes with a kiss.

Now that’s a Promotion.

5 Comments:

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