Saturday, October 13, 2007

Pregnancy Cures Insomnia

I might have discovered the efficacious reply to insomnia. Pregnant women.

My sis is about 6 months pregnant and she puts an entire carriage of people on the MRT to sleep every time she steps in. This is quite a phenomenon. I can't imagine how many people will slip facilely into a coma when she hits 9 months.

Perhaps it's a common reflex. I have that all the time when I see fat people crossing the road and I have to forcefully remove my legs from the acceleration pedal. I would run them over as soon as the government gets things right and declare them semi-humans. The things I do for humanity, I really deserve to be up there with the saints.

coming back to the subject of pregnancy induced sleep, I've witnessed this peculiarity tons of times when I was still forced to commute by MRT. A pregnant woman comes in and suddenly the guy across me, who only just seconds ago was furiously button mashing away at his PSP, is now sound asleep. If there was a pharmacist on board, I would have stood up and said,

"I want whatever drug he is having!"

And it's not just him, but everyone else is either pretending to sleep or trying to look very distraught over replying their imaginary SMS. I have a valid reason. I'm an asshole and I'm conducting a legitimate social observation, hence I need the seat.

You see, the problem with morals and civic duties is that there are tacit rules being attributed to them. You know it's only right to give up your seat to pregnant women but do you actually know why?

Is it because they generally take up more space standing than a regular Jane? Is it a physical degeneration that being pregnant cuts down on stamina? Or did your mum tell you so? Cos’ my mum brags about walking up slopes and stairs when she was carrying me in her womb and I suspect that if I get her slightly inebriated, she'll start telling me she went to Mars and back without anyone giving up their seat to her.

For this, I’m taking into assumption that when women are pregnant, they become fatter and since my theorem follows the laws of dexterity as such, fat people = clumsy = will fall in MRTs, they should be given a seat.

The introduction of a pregnant woman changes the entire dynamics of interaction. You are having a decent conversation with your friend. Some pregnant chick comes in and suddenly having a conversation is inappropriate.

You: “Shall we sleep?”
Friend: “Proceed with caution.”

Sleeping is naturally the best denial tactic invented by men. Fucked a girl by mistake? Sleep. Girlfriend nagging at you too much? Sleep. Trying to peep at your friend making out on the adjacent bed? Sleep. Securing your seat on the MRT? SLEEP.

Gracious society? I can only hope so.

Look, I seriously do not give a shit if you perform your civic duties religiously, like flushing the toilet, keeping the toilet seat down or yelling at slow moving people to keep left. BUT, this is my sister I’m talking about and I want her to have a seat. So, if you are commuting by the NE Line every morning, I want you to give up your seat to EVERY pregnant lady.

There only needs to be one asshole and that spot is already filled by me.


At 11:49 PM, Blogger The Horny Bitch said...

hahah. u're so sweet to ur sis =)

At 10:52 AM, Anonymous Anthony said...

"I have that all the time when I see fat people crossing the road and I have to forcefully remove my legs from the acceleration pedal. I would run them over as soon as the government gets things right and declare them semi-humans. The things I do for humanity, I really deserve to be up there with the saints."

Don't do it. U will damage ur car!!!!

At 6:50 PM, Blogger sÞ¡ηηєє said...

Ya only Butterfly can deserve the seat 'cuz he's being damn nice to his only sis & oh yes,too pretty to be seen standing and get squashed by the pple around!.. wait a min, u dun take the train nowadays anyways ... ;)

as for the rest of the men who refused to give up seats to preg women, they all deserve to get castrated first, get humiliated and DIE.. ops.... sorry.... =\

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