Hello Taiwan Pt 2 - The Angel Story

If her name was anything to go by, she was perhaps God sent. A divine intervention to ignite our otherwise malaise bout in the run by mill clubs and barrage of pretty dolls at the clubs, and streets. And sometimes by the toilet corridors.

Her name was Angel.

And since Jesus turned water into wine, I believed she saw it as a religious duty to subscribe to it like some holy communion, because that bitch was drunk. What was actually commendable was her ability to actually attempt to walk home in her state of inebriation. And believe me, she was so drunk, you could light the air around her when she exhaled.

How did I even managed to embroil myself in the ensuing debacle? I didn't.

One minute I was chatting up some carpark attendant and the next minute, LB was calling out for me with a chick in his arms. Perhaps it was the whole bottle of Grey Goose, but the sight of her pinballing from car to car, stopping at every possible support to compose herself, absolutely cracked me up.

Me: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. Where the fuck did you find her?"

Perhaps it's an inbuilt mechanism but my reaction to drunks and watching them fall all over the place is somewhat of a closet entertainment of mine. One day I will film these and when I've exhausted all the transsexual midget porn on the net, I will have something to keep me smiling. Nothing beats watching people injure themselves, especially when alcohol is just a pain killer. Best so if I have a latte in hand.

LB: "I don't know. She just popped out of nowhere."

We had gone from tired clubbers to good samaritians guiding the fallen star back through the back alleys. It was like dragging our spoils of a dead carcass back to the lair, which included alot of periodic support and at one point, LB even had her propped up between her legs.

Angel: "Where are yew goin' ?"
LB: "Home."
Angel: "Where am I goin' ?"
LB: "Home."

The ensuing conversation only proved that being drunk equates to having severe memory lost, because in the following 5 minutes or 1 metre we covered, she repeatedly asked us the same thing. So the only logical thing was to change the replies,

Angel: "Where am I goin'? "
LB: "Our place, for a threesome."
Angel: "Threesome? Let's go!"

And this was the most romantic thing anyone had said to us all day. Even if it was from some drunk ass who was shouting out 'threesome' in mandarin.

We naturally knew this lady was insanely drunk and up for anything we threw at her, because even though she was barely able to stand, she was still sober enough to reach for my dick. I immediately showed my displeasure of this by cupping her boobs in return.

There was only two problems to that. Getting her up the stairs and that she smelled really bad. I'm guessing she fell into a drain before we got to her or that she probably soiled herself. Either of which would have been punishable had we not been inebriated ourselves. And you know what happens to me when I'm drunk..

EVERYTHING IS A GOOD IDEA

Eventually we decided having her up at our place wasn't such a good idea and we didn't know where consensual sex stopped and rape began. This girl was drunk, could hardly remember what we've been telling her but obviously sober enough to know if she's got a dick or two in her.

Angel: "What is your number?"
LB: "9.."
Angel: "NO! That is not a number!"

We spent the next minute convincing someone who was drunk that we weren't local. Have you any idea what that is like? It's like trying to convince a cow that milking her is for a purpose. She eventually got pissed cos she thought we were playing around and she went off.

Naturally we wouldn't allow such a blessed entertainer such as herself to run off that easily, so we tailed her. Until LB thought some guys were going to her rescue and were coming to beat us up. When you are at our state of induced intoxication, you will start running when anyone comes walking towards you.

The Second Night

Just as we thought Angel was going to be a one night memory, she re-appeared again the following night. LB had gotten lazy and I was hungry, so it only meant that I had to walk to the nearest convenient store alone to get a bowl of noodles, which turned out to be the best decision I made since deciding to flush the toilet bowl after taking a dump.

There she was, the familiar figure bouncing off the cars parked by the road shoulder, leaning off motorcycles and struggling to take a step. Her hair was in that familiar disarray and her scent perfumed with Johnny Walker's Black label. It was love at first sight, I didn't know whether to trip her or throw my mineral water bottle at her, just for a good laugh.

Me: "Angel!"

She stopped, stared at me, then raised her hand, which I presumed was to be a wave to acknowledge me.

She: "HIGH FIVE!!!!"

This was at 3.30am, at a street lined with low rise apartments and this girl was shouting from where she stood to me. For the record, I was merely 2 metres from her, so you can imagine how this entirely caught me by surprise.

She: "How you know me?"

She started stumbling over to where I was, wrapped her arms around me and dragged me to the corner. Had her breath not reeked like she just had a whiskey mouth wash, I might have responded with an erection to let her know it was perfectly alright to take me round back and rape me.

She was just as she was last night. Drunk and suffering from severe amnesia. Every 10 seconds, she would ask how I knew her name and where I stayed. Occassionally she flashed me her panties and guided my hands between her legs. I started giggling so much because I was sober and had less interest in her than I did the other night. Only one thought came to my mind.

I had to bring her up to entertain LB.

I told her I was heading up and she could come see my room if she wanted. She did. Baited and wrapped like an early Christmas gift I was preparing for LB.

Me: "LB, I got a present for you."

LB thought I brought a dog back because I'm always talking about kidnapping them. The moment Angel peered in, he burst out laughing.

The problem now was that none of us had any interest in fucking her and the plan now was getting her out of our place or more specifically, down the stairs. That whole debacle took about 30 mins and LB got so entertained because she was spouting jibberish, he started taking pictures of my attempts to get her down the steps.

When I finally got her out the door, she wanted to take me home with her and insisted I at least have the chivalry to escort her back. That code of honour, apparently does not exist in me, unless of cos you are gorgeous and I genuinely like you, and not when you are my late night laugh a line sideshow.

Her coax went from pleading, to dragging to fellating me through my pants and it eventually crumbled to a 'forget it'. I believed this was because I said she was smelly. Taiwanese are so sensitive these days.

Fuck her.