Friday, February 01, 2008

Date Butterfly

It's Valentine's Day round the corner again, which would usually equate to staying home alone, bitching incessantly about over priced food and flowers and laughing at moronic idiots carrying oversized plush toys around town. This year however, I’m doing quite the reverse and prepared to subscribe to this sacred day of being exploited by capitalism.

Yes, I am setting myself up for a date, a blind one for that matter. And with which unfortunate soul you might ask?

You.

It's a crazy idea that just might work. I am proposing a double blind date with LB and I for the Saturday after V-Day. We will be sponsoring dinner, a good one for that matter at some chi chi upmarket restaurant with prices you'd think the meals come with a free bicycle.

Here's what you need to do.

1. You need to be female. I don't date males nor do I entertain whales. You don't have to be gorgeous, you just have to NOT be fat and when I say fat, I mean anyone who's BMI is above 25. That's

Weight (in Kilos) / Height (in metres) squared.

Do not ever lie on this, because if you turn out to be a whale, I will personally deliver a flying kick to your face followed by a spit.

If you failed your math, I’ll make this real simple for you; Don’t bother filling in the equation if your weight starts with the digit ‘6’. I’d be honest and tell you now that I will not even turn up for the date.

2. A friend, also a non-whale female. This is a double date after all.

3. Send me an entry on "Your worst date ever" or on “why we should date you”. We are picking on merit here, so the best entry wins. Naturally, if you can't write and you happen to be very hot, a picture of u posing with a card that reads, "Butterfly, pick me!", will suffice.

4. To ensure that all entries are from genuine parties, I need you to send the entries to my email at thebutterflytales@hotmail.com, along with an introduction of yourself and your msn contact. I will only take your phone contact if we chose your entry, or if you are very hot and I wish to keep you all to myself.

5. Lastly, you have to be at least 18 years of age. I do not accept parental consent forms and I do not wish for your mum to join us at the table.

I’m well aware that this idea might not entirely materialize because for one, this has to be a double date. As if meeting a stranger isn’t enough, you now have to drag a friend into this foray and last I checked, people aren’t very adventurous anymore.

I do realize that I’m on the short end of this because I generally will have no idea who I’m dating and you on the other hand have 3 years of stories to know what a horrible person I am. You also know how I look and how to get me into your pants, while I have to reconstruct the whole ethics of dating and legitimately get to know you.

Contrary to the ‘no one hot will send in their application’ notion or the blog readership is largely male dominant, I actually have a few females on my MSN list that I would have a Miss Month, save for the fact that they are either attached or not in Singapore to begin with. So what better way than to reach out to the rest of the untapped catchment, then to pimp myself off my blog.

Naturally, you don’t have to sleep with me. I’m doing this not because I need sex, and I sure as hell do not need to blow $200 to wine and dine someone just to get them onto my bed. I’m doing this because of that intrinsic novelty value I’m ascribing to it and we all need new thrills in life.

Do not let silly inhibitions stop you.

12 Comments:

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Good luck on that! =)

 
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