Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Survival Guide # 3- How To Survive Being Dump

At some point in time, every human will go through pitfalls of life, like heartbreaks, bad sex, retrenchment, obesity and ugly children. Sure, there are easy solutions to these like, infanticide, genocide, robbing a bank or bulimia, but when there isn’t any chicken soup left for the heart, this is what you’ll need for breakups.

How to survive being dumped

1. Occupy yourself

Breakups are always hard to get over because you sit there and wallow in self pity, thinking of what you did wrong or what you could have done, when you know very well that a deeper cleavage or fancier car was what they dumped you for.

To break away from this chain of social regression, you need to stop thinking, and what better way than to occupy yourself with other trivialities like reading, travelling, doing sports or surfing for porn. It’s all about channeling your energy on something more positive.

2. Make use of friends

God gave us friends for a purpose other than to boost our Facebook profiles, form organized crime syndicates or make up a mahjong game. Friends are there because in times like these, they are a catharsis to loneliness. Hanging out with friends is the best immediate way to pass time and to bitch incessantly about that ex’s, because friends are willing to listen to sob stories if they need to.

3. Alcohol

Alcohol is after all, the solution to all problems – and the creation as well. You’d be amaze at what a tray of tequila can do for your self esteem, because with the right dosage, music and peer pressure, you might find yourself from wailing at home senselessly to dancing topless sensibly on the bar top.

Think of it this way, if you take it excessively, it might be dangerous and you might pass out and wake up a day later, but that also means you got through a day without felling emotionally vulnerable. Great job.

4. Get Even

Revenge is the dish best served cold, but I say, it’s also the best story you can tell your ex about the time you hooked up with their best friend. Love makes people stupid and falling out of it just makes you bitter. So, when you’re still stupid and bitter, things like rebound dates, revenge sex and burning their cars would sound like the best idea since man decided to add cheese to toast, but is it really?

Revenge as I would say, is like a Guatemalan whore with silicon tits and syphilis. It might like a good idea, but the consequences might be something you cannot handle. The best way to getting even is to move on fast and strong, because you’d have bettered them psychologically and showed that they never really meant that much.

Or maybe if chance permits, a quick jab to your ex’s face followed with a strong knuckle to the throat delivered with your master hand should do the trick. Remember, crying is okay, but it always looks better when someone else is doing it.

11 Comments:

At 9:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Like this post.
So is it still okay to meet up with the ex?

 
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