Butterfly Does Photoshoot

The familiarity of it all.. the tilting of the neck, that false arching, the gaze. Only that this time, there was less demanding requests for me. No, there is nothing sexual in this, unless you count the buttons undone to my sternum as a tantalizing prologue for seduction..

There is nothing faintly sexual about this photoshoot, neither has there been anything sexually exciting for me this week. Yes, even Michael Jordan has off days. Unless of course, you count the web-cam with a bona fide porn star as one.

Yes, I’m a photo whore, that much I’ll admit, but I’ve never like photoshoots much. The constant instructions and cues to abide by, as well as directions I cannot comprehend make my appetite for the camera a little less palatable.

“Look through me with more passion..”

Say what?! Is this even humanly possible. I’d rather you tell me to kick a field goal with a leg brace.

My usual Saturday afternoons would be better well spent laughing with Spinnee and CrimsonWolf over the poor innocent life we’ve come to destroy (oh this is a VERY good story), but for this week I’ve devoted myself to the lenses.

Some excerpts from the interview. I had to moderate my answers and behave myself.

“What subjects did you excel in school?”

Me: “Truancy, sleeping and hooking up tutors.”

I’m lying about the first two, but I really excelled at the last. That was the ONLY way I managed to score an A for the exams.

“What can a girl do to turn you off.”

Me: “Wear Polka dots and dance horribly”

“So what can a girl do to get your attention.”

Me: “Other than stripping? The Melbourne Shuffle..”

Yes, I’m going to proliferate this fact of life. If you shuffle, you will instantly catch my attention. If you can strip while shuffling, I’m bringing buffalos and cows to your home as dowry.

The one bonus the shoot had was the fashion assistant, or at least I think she is. She was a pixie who’s one magic power was to iron my clothes and make me look good. She was a pretty little thing prancing on the couch to grab my stuff, standing on the sofa to adjust my collar and simply just looking cute.

The shoot wasn’t half as bad as the last shoot I had. I was given more freedom on how I wanted to stand and sit. Sucking in the calories is no longer an issue here. The only thing was that I didn’t know when the test shots ended and when the REAL shoot started and I was sulking in perpetuity until the editor said,

“You can smile you know..”

And like a ray of sunshine beeming at my new permission to smile, I let off some toothpaste commercial worthy shots... which they didn't like too much.

Now.. if only I can get those pics.

post-script: Next post... I'm dedicating this next one to this particular psycho whale.