Sunday, November 19, 2006

Butterfly Meets Psycho Whale

There are two things I absofuckinglutely hate. Being lied to and whales. I don’t care if my retribution is around the corner, neither do I care if my post hurts that person further than how the whole debacle has affected her life. If you lie to me, you will be shamed.

For months now, I’ve gotten to know a particular blogger through my site. While her blog picture is NOTHING close to getting me remotely excited enough to click ‘enlarge’, the pictures she’s sent me, occasionally warrants a goodwill ‘Wow’.

From what she TELLS me, she’s apparently very tall, slim and she does part time photography. From what I see in the pictures she sent me, there’s nothing I’ll pick up on to dispute that.

The best part about it all is she’s my biggest fan when it comes to the absolute condemnation of Whales. Yes, it’s almost imperative that we spare no derogatory remarks. Leniency is applicable only when I say it is.

So when a person is this cool ( read as, good looking and agrees with my written work ), what could absolutely stop me from honoring her with a kiss, a hug or even a deserving fuck?

She lies.

Apart from her being potentially psychotic and corroboratively love starved, lying was the one that broke the camels back. I won’t reveal the whole debacle because the primary victim isn’t me, although I played the pivotal role which blew up the whole incident.

Shame on you for lying to me.

The Trinity of Evil, my afternoon bitch buddies, you two know who you are. Without you I would NEVER have realized how much this girl was lying about EVERYTHING else.

Not that I cared much since I’m anything but affected, but everything I’ve known about her could potentially be a lie. When CrimsonWolf and I compared pictures, I was in stitches knowing that the bitch was ripping someone else’s pictures and passing them off as her own.

Gawd, who the fuck does this!? Who the fuck sends pictures of other people, passing it off as them and attaches endless fairytales stories of how hot she is and how male models are hitting on her. Yawn.

You wanna hear a story, I’ll surmise u one.

Fucking Whale lies about pictures, gets caught and should now contemplate suicide if she knows what’s good for her. Look, I’ll say it again, if you have to fucking lie about your looks to impress me, you are crazy. I’m not even worth the effort. And if you lie to me, YOU WILL BE LAUGHED AT.

You can’t imagine how much detective work we’ve put in and how much I’ve had to control my giggles when talking to her just so that we could keep this our perfect afternoon gossip. Yes, I am a slut for gossips.

It’s amazing how she’s stupid enough to try to fool me, especially when she has quite a profile and we have overlaps in readership. The shit just hit you back square in the eye.

When I saw her REAL picture, I couldn’t believe I was stupid enough not to realize how much her blog pictures differed from the ones she sent me, until Spinnee reminded me that she did in fact point this out eons ago.

I can’t really remember how she looks like because taking a mental picture is potentially harmful. I remembered having to resize the picture because I thought the chubby cheek was a result of bad file decompression.

The only thing worst than being a Whale is a self-delusional Whale. If beating your cellulite back into shape with brass knuckles and nunchucks are legitimate greetings for Whales, I’d have rained fury on you like no tomorrow, then laughed at you fat ass while sipping a skinny latte.

Why the fuck would a normal whale NOT know she’s hideous? Why would any fucking whale with a huge pinky finger full of pride want to engage me in a Whale discourse and continuously support my ostracizing? Do you know what kind of an asshole I can be and that your sorry ass would be laughed at.?

Psycho has a face now. If anyone had a cache of emotional drama bullshit, she’ll be termed under the super-computer category. You cannot imagine the drama scripted conversations she’s laced my MSN with. For one, she told me MissSeptember affected her SO much, she needed to fuck a rebound guy to get over me.

HAHAHAHAHA....say what?

And all this despite NEVER meeting me before. It’s either I’m truly that talismanic enchanter or she’s been snorting one too many marbles up her nostrils. After the ensuing debacle, I picked the second guess.

HAHAHHAHAHA

I laughed so hard my appendix tore and I started peeing bile juices and shitting intestines. Well, you ALWAYS wanted me to write about you anyway, so here’s to the retroaction of bad publicity.

13 Comments:

At 1:46 AM, Anonymous debling said...

Whales are in constant denial lah!
God created them for us to lambast at and it should stay that way for eternity!

 
At 2:24 AM, Blogger CrimsonWolf said...

tsk..now..play nice kids..>=)

 
At 6:02 AM, Blogger steve said...

i am in complete awe of your blog. caustic, yet hopeful...

 
At 2:04 PM, Anonymous izzy said...

ahaha.. u gotta share da pics!!!

 
At 5:21 PM, Blogger sugar22 said...

I can only say ...

WOWWWW!!!!

 
At 7:58 PM, Anonymous EcstasySg said...

Shame the whale. Post her up mate.

 
At 5:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

by the way, after the blogger was confronted with her lies, she still dare to deny and wrote a post titled "pain".. and a single word in that post ..which I forgot if it was "why?"...subsequently her blog was either moved/deleted...

oh well. I hope she learnt her lesson. BULLSHITTING also requires skills and hey girl, if u're reading this, learn well. ;)

 
At 10:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow, that must have hurt!

 
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