Year In Review

Just a year ago I was coming out of court and trapped in a cyclical regression of melancholy and forced acceptance of reality, which I will casually refer to as. ‘Public Transport’.

It’s been a tiring wait to regain my driving eligibility and laced with several down points that have impacted my life dramatically. Thankfully, kisses and great sex are perfect antidotes for mild depression.

I’ll remember 2006 by..

1. The OZ Trip.

This was easily the best holiday I’ve ever had. Going by the tourism manifesto that holidays are meant to be a catharsis, my trip down there alone fully embodied this.

I had traveled over 1000km to a foreign country not knowing anyone, to meet a girl I fell for (yes, it’s still debatable) in 24hrs. It would have been a befitting sequel to ‘Before Sunrise’ had the mutual passion still existed.

I ended up consuming copious amounts of alcohol, banging in cubicles and enlightened to what a bottle beer and a joint can do. And that is exactly how life should be.

What did I learn?

Besides independence and organising my own holiday, I also realised that it's a stupid idea to follow your heart if you need to travel further than across the living room for the remote control. No one is truly worth the effort, even if they're Japanese and they give great head.

2. Taiwan

I don’t remember much about the details of the trip and a recall only flashes up pleasant pouches of hot girls and pretty faces. Had I a bunsen burner, I’d have sat around all day at Xi Men Ding toasting mash mallows and finding ways to switch citizenship.

3. Deviant sexual explorations gone wrong.

There was the ass rimming, the snuff and porn video (coming soon) which needs a lot more practicing. I’d say that porn truly glorifies deviancy, to a point where it blindsides to you to the awkwardness of actual participation.

Perhaps I’m not made to suffocate while screwing nor do I possess the required dexterity to hold a camera whilst playing out the Kamasutra. Its been adventurous whilst the novelty lasted, but once is enough.

4. Raves

My quick introduction to raving has gotten me hooked. I came, I saw, I made a fool of myself. Finally, I've found haven in the company of shufflers, and these people are some of the most fun people to party with that I've met.

5. Dating

I’ve been on several dates this year. Yes, actual dating which do not require undressing. The girl gets to keep her top on and I get to plaster her with courtesy and niceties of my life, save for my crude past existence.

I’ll say things like,

Me: “What shall we have for dinner?”

And I’ll punctuate all my sentences with furtive yawning and obligatory smiles for what I imagine to be their jokes.

The one date I vividly remembered was the girl who was so boring, she could have killed my shrimp salad and put 20yr old rave addicts on Speed to sleep.