Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Ass Rimmed!

There are things in life which defines us, like getting a tattoo, that first kiss, suicide bombing.. the list progresses beyond even my comprehension. For me, a certain definition came after hearing how my friend related his ass-rimming experience. Like a salesman, he absolutely slaughtered whatever self-reservations I had about having someone's tongue in my A-hole.

I came to believe that it was 'THE DEFINITIVE' product, the Lamborgini of foreplay, the promise-land. You should have sat through the story, I did and I would have bought a bottle of cleanex along with it, if he told me to buy it. It sounded THAT good. Usually, I have some skepticisms about anything either than toilet paper in my ass, but after what I heard, I was ready to stuff a teddy bear in there.

I forgot about this whole episode shortly after. Stored away, dormant in a sub-concious domain, but it took one single act to trigger a rude awakening. A Blowjob.

As I lay there with her kneeling between my legs giving a kind introduction to my member, it hit me. I had to try ass rimming, and I had to do it now. The only thing that stood between me and sexual infamy was the execution. I was again presented a path of deviancy, and I do what I always do when tempted by chance. I give in...

As she went down on me, I decided that no verbal communication was best. All I needed to do was to angle this with a good guise of reflex action. I'm a master at play acting, easing all un-natural acts like its mandatory for sex. All I needed was to identify the problem and come up with a counter-acting solution. This will be as easy as winning some 90 yr old brain dead Chilean at a English Spelling Bee contest.

The primary objective was to get her tongue to my ass, without blatantly telling her to. Discretion is usually not part of my merits at the School of Sex but if I ever needed the cover of night and stealth, it was now. The solution was simple. All I needed to do was to bring MY ass to HER tongue. Im a genius.

With her flickering her tongue away, I slowly lifted my hips upwards towards her face, while sniggering to myself for being so sneaky. I must have tilted a good 2 inch off the bed, leveraged by my now aching calves, before she finally took the bait and licked away.

Strangely, it had NONE of that fairytale effect I heard so much rave on. Perhaps it was the lack of professional aptitude for ass-rimming or the non-existent verbal coaching on my part, but it was like wiping my ass with a good hand of wet tissue. Not only did the 30 sec ordeal fail to meet expectations, I was also blind-sided by the repercussions of 'non-commercial' ass-rimming. Kissing..

Soon after her ass feasting, she started looking at me which by anything, spelt 'DANGER'. It was that look of desired recognition. A simple kiss to award the hard work. I quickly looked away, eliminating all vibes of a reciprocal kiss. It's one thing when you've just blown me and want me to kiss you, but it's a complete other when you've just been to Charlie's Chocolate factory and you want me to kiss you.

Everytime she came close I'd push her head away, then burrowed myself at her neck. I just played it like it was part of foreplay, another contest between the dominant and the submissive where I'd pin her down and forbade her to taste my lips. Then I'll smile to myself for being so sneaky. Haha.

I don't care if that's my ass. Kissing is out. I don't care if you tasted anything weird either, its an asshole, not a strawberry farm. Do you really expect to be kissed if I just licked your ass and have shit nuggets still tucked away between my incisors?


Added: I might be overspending. The shopping list here. For now..

27 Comments:

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Got a pair of asics that look very much like those tigers. Nice shoes u got there mate.

 
At 6:49 PM, Blogger Scarletr0se said...

zzzzzzzzzzzz.

NO WONDER U TOLD ME U DUN WANT ANAL SEX.

 
At 2:25 AM, Blogger Ecstasy said...

Lol. That just sounded so wrong rose.

 
At 10:24 AM, Blogger sÞ¡ηηєє said...

Gheez, I dunno why, your post often cracked me up.. ahahahha

but anyway most people will definitely avoid the kiss at such circumstances and I must say, ur EQ is not bad by doing sneaky actions to avoid at all cost haahah

it'll help if you guys just wash up BEFORE everything. smells good, taste good. Oh yes, if u wanna go the extreme, try going to the pharmacy to get those funky tubes to clean out ur bowels first. ;)

 
At 12:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

man yr blog is delirious, no, i mean, hilarious.

LOL. you and HB make for a good pair of whores. No offence, joke only.

-- Clarence

p.s.: want to ask u how u avoid spam comments when u don't have any word verification on? LOL.

 
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