Friday, March 24, 2006

First date in Ages.

You'll know its a fucked week when nothing good turns your way. Since I've been back it's been a cornucopia of bullshit. Reality is smacking me right in the face to wake up, and my apparent action to ditch my school priorities is now facing the wrath of consequence. This is bad.. and I know it.

When I come back to find piles of work screaming for my attention and I'm faced with two options. Get it done or leave everthing to alcohol.

I get an F for my essay. This is serious, you'd seldom see me hit the panic switch, but if there ever was a need for me to get legitimately worried about my studies or lack of it, it would be now. I'm faced with a possibilty of not being able to graduate on time if I mess this one up. What am I going to do about it? I've got it all figured. I've entered a reminder in my phone which reads, "Monday 1245hrs; Beg for moderation of grades".

I also got invited to my ex-girlfriend's wedding. I wrote about this in the other blog entry so I shan't elaborate.

The only thing that would cap my miserable week was a bad date. Lo' and behold, I get my wish come true. The things fate does to fuck up my life. Im beginning to wonder if its a vendetta. Did I sleep with fate's wife or something?

I dated the hot girl from Zouk, the one I demanded a contact number from. This date reminded me why I hated the whole dating proceedure so much. It's boring, there just isn't enough key words to lead me on in anticipation. Prior to this, I reminded myself that I should just be nice, refrain from vulgarities and insults and I should have myself a decent date. WRONG.

The date starts out like a regular date, a movie. Seeing her again, I realised two things. She looked alot better the last time I saw her and that her pretty face is the best thing going for her. Considering how I usually date girls with killer bods, this girl is an exception. The whole time, I kept repeating to myself, "say only the good things, say only the good things." It was like a fucking chant I was drilling into me, had there been an accompanying music, I would have broken out into a rap.

10mins into the date, I was pretty sure this date was going to be a good thing. Firstly, I didn't have much I wanted to say to her, and she was pretty quiet. I evaluated and decided that less conversing would reduce my chances of saying the wrong stuff. Less is good already, I love it.

15mins into the date. I realised that going to watch Dorm might turn out to be a bad idea, considering how much I dread horror films cos it brings out the coward in me. Turns out Dorm isn't a horror film. Well it had to be a comedy cos she was laughing at almost all the sentimental scenes. I shan't spoil the film for you but honestly, the film is NOTHING like how it is marketed.

This is one of those dates where you can dichotomize the date. I would pick 'boring' as a rather safe summary of how everything would be going. Let me explain, and give the girl a worthy defense.

She had fore-warned me that she has this tendency to space out when she is tired, and having been working her ass off the last 10hours, she is tired. I explained to her that her spacing out is not going to make this a disaster date. I have been through far worse dates to be affected by a girl spacing out and oblivious to my presence. Remember, I'm the doctor of fucked up dates. Nobody I know has continuosly had shit dates after shit dates and manages to fuck up the decent dates, except me. I am Atila the Hun, I destroy all memories of sweet dates.

Couple things happened at dinner after the movie. First, she met her ex. I am very interested in seeing the person. Why? Simply cos her ex is a former female undergone a sex change to a male. Yes! Finally, after meeting hordes of beauty queens with an operated hole, I finally get to meet someone with a fake pole. The thing about them is that they look just like any other butch, not at all masculine or hairy as I would expect 2yrs of testosterones would make. I would have asked her how it felt like to be fucked by a very enlarged clit, but she was with 'him' pre op. There goes her only chance to engage me.

She spoke very little, and I was at my wits end trying to find topics. I decided that I would say anything I wanted to spice this up. She gave me my first opening.

She: "I think his (her ex) girlfriend is hot."
Me: "Are you kidding? She's half ugly and all fat."

That girl was at least 65kg with a jeans tab that would have read 34 inches. Her hair was frizzy and her face was neither pleasant looking nor porcelin polished. I took a glance at her and that was all I needed to certify ugliness.

Huixx and Jules suddenly popped up to throw a lifeline on a sinking date. I later messeged her.

Me: "Yawn..the highlight of my night is seeing you..yawn"
Huixx: "She so pretty. Should've sniffed a catch somewhere."
Me: "Yea..that's about it...She's pretty. Full Stop..."

Its been a LONG time since I've been on a date where I actually had to talk more than the other party. I don't like talking much and the other party usually has tons of stuff to tell me while I muster the time and muscle to smile or giggle at their jokes. Today, I found myself speaking more than my tongue would have appreciated till I decided that being nice was not gonna work. A mild dose of sacarsm wrapped around humour is what's needed to keep me entertained.

Me: "I'll tell you what. I'll structure my sentences so that you'll only have to answer yes or no, or anything solely kept to a single word. This way, I'll conserve ya brain cells and you can last through the night."

She: "I've never been to The Balcony."
Me: "You sure you want to go there? It looks awfully crowded. And you spacing out and me talking to a statue is going to make me look really bad."

At Balcony..

She: "Looks really uncomfortable, is there anywhere more comfortable?"
Me: "So you can fall asleep and I can entertain myself?"
She: "I won't fall asleep."
Me: "Yea I hope you won't cos I'll kick and punch till you wake up."

At Indochine, inside the disco area.

Me: [talking very loudly against the loud music] "YOU SURE YOU WANT TO SIT IN HERE?"
Me: "..."

She started asking about the people I've dated and I told her my dating stories. She found it amusing but it might have been a tool for her in changing her mind about dating me. Why did I tell her my stories knowing a possible backlash if I should continue dating her in future? Well its simply cos she was that stoned, tired and boring that I had to save myself. The topic inadvertantly switches to the foriegn legion I've dated and she asked if I've dated Indonesian's before. Turns out she's half Indo-Chinese.

Then she asked if she could see my pictures on my handphone. Usually if I was really serious about the girl, letting her see my phone on the first date is going to kill my chances of a second date. My phone is littered excessively with pictures of other girls and me in very close proximity. I saw her face expressions winched as she ploughed through a portion of my pictures.

She: "You seem to have a lot of females on your phone."
Me: "Yea, one to remember every date."
She: "Really?"
Me: "Yup, so that when people ask me about the girl, I can tell a story about her and how the date went. If it was brighter I'd have taken your pic and I'll say, 'oh that one, she spaces out alot' ."

The only thing that was bothering me more than the date, was the pimple growing on my upper lip region. Its the first date in half a year that I've been on that I've not heard a single word on 'sex' and 'I think you're cute'. Ok, when I said date I meant an outing dedicated to knowing the person, and not a walk down town before heading back to fuck. You know, elementary level conversations about them, what they like, blah blah blah.

What is wrong with people these days? Usually by now, I'd be mentally undressing the person and think how good sex will be with her in the following 3 hours. Not this time. She's so guarded and tired that the negativity is beginning to rub off on me. The last time I felt so bored in a date was after I found out this girl I was out with, was a virgin.

She: "I'm really boring you huh?"
Me: [smile and nod]

She apologised several times on being tired and that she's usually more lively. The only thing that went well with this date was that I didn't do anything to fuck it up. Maybe I did enough damage by tell her my dating stories and that I'm pretty much an asshole at times. Its a wonder what boredom can do to my consistency in honesty. I've never been so honest in relating stories to a stanger.

Maybe dating ain't for me afterall. How am I going to sustain interest in a person long enough for me to like her if we're not going to hold hands, kiss or fuck? What's the joy in watching movies and superficial banter on work, life and interest? I'll only know this by the way that I've been kissed, till then, the Butterfly remains a butterfly.


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