Saturday, March 04, 2006

The Australian Trip- Perth part 1

I've decide to do updates as and when I can, so its going to be a very long and tedious read. I'll just selectively pick out certain highlights. Its Perth sweethearts, you are never going to be always in the thick of action. I will actually post pictures when I get back.

Going pass the boarding room checkpoint, the one with the metal detactor, I get into some problem. I had to empty out everything in my pocket. As I reach empty my left jeans pocket, I realise I have forgotten to remove 2 pcs of condom. Sealed ones of cos. To save myself and the lady officer the embarassment, I decide to leave it in. Its not going to make a difference afterall, or so I thought. As she goes to scan me again, the thing beeps as it motions past my left pocket.

She: "do you have anything in the pocket?
Me: "nope"

She scans it again. BEEPED. Unbelievable.

She: "Is there something in there?"
Me: "Ermm.."

I remove it to show her. She looks at me then immediately tells me to pass. This is weird, since when are condoms laced with metal? Is it the wrapping? Fuck it.

Qantas actually have a pretty good flight. There is a personal screen for every seat, so the on-board entertainment is pretty decent. I decide to cash in on the free liqour. I start with a bottle (187ml) of red wine to accompany my dinner meal.

9.50pm: The steward clears my palate and ask if I want another red. I love Qantas already for encouraging me on. They will soon regret asking me this.

10.17pm: I enjoy my second red 187ml of pure sin. Jesus turned water to wine and rightfully so. Its obviously way better.

10.30pm: I finish my wine and ask for a glass of Whiskey Dry, while I continue to enjoy Magadascar on the small screen.

10.45pm: I order a second glass of wiskey. I know I have to take it slow because altitude fucks up alcohol absorbtion rate. You get drunk alot faster up there, yet I attempt to debunk this. I'm going got at least 3 whiskeys.

11.13pm: I finish the second glass and the characters on screen seem to be moving around alot. I blame it on the bad quality of the screen.

11.22pm: I asks for a 3rd glass

Me: "Can I have one more glass"
Steward: "Sir, perhaps I can get you some water instead?"

I'm being stop from drinking again. I know this is their policy to prevent people from getting drunk so I don't argue with him and decide to give it rest before I ask another stewardess for the drink.

This Caucasian girl next to me is amused at my drinking.

Girl: "You drink alot don'cha?"
Me: "How else can I take over the plane?"

She didn't think it was funny. Fuck her. I half expected her to change seats after that. I have no idea why I said that. I guess I'm actually drunk and maybe drinking again isn't such a good idea.

Held up at immigration.

1. The Aussies are pretty slow at processing my data. I thought the damn SG cops were bad.
2. They 'detained' me for something in my passport, I thought they might hang me.
3. Not good to be drinking alot, I said pretty stupid stuff.

Me: "Am I going to be deported back?"
Officer: "Why? Did yew come here illegally?"
Me: "I took economy, is that legal?"

I end up giving them my IC for them to photo match my passport, and they started asking me questions on my particulars like address and birth date. You know, very much like the way bouncers check suspicious ICs. I had to give them Lee's particuplars for them to cross check and verify I wasn't lying.

Lee brings this chick, Sherene, along to meet me at the airport. We head straight for the clubs. We go to this place, Ambar. Alot of Caucasians and the drinks sucked. I take one shot of tequila and another glass of gin and we left the place. Lee consistently warns me of possible Abo attacks.

I meet Lee's housemate, John, who is also a friend of Nig's. Pretty cool chap and says a classic line to me.

John: "If it ain't blonde, it ain't worth banging."

It polarises me though. If its blonde, it best be an Ah Lian.

Day 2..

We spent a large part of the day lazing around. At 38 degrees, you don't want to be anywhere far from a tap, unless you're planning to die of dehydration. All we need to do is to set up some stools and we can have ourselves a BBQ by the road. I mentioned that Lee didn't have air conditioning and it is not funny towaking up drenched. The only thing that could have topped this was that the car not having aircon too. Needless to say, driving in mid-day with a car baked under the sun for hours is out of question, unless you are looking to suffer 3rd burns.

Drinks from shops are insane. I bought a bottle of lime coke and it cost me A$3.50. I realise it only after getting the change back.

Lee: "It's A$2.50 for that?"
Me: [counting my change] "Fuckin' hell it's A$3.50! What the fuck!! Do I get a blowjob for that?!"

I meet Lee's other friend, RudeBoy. Very animated fellow who is a die hard fan of Liverpool. He has a Chow Chow which looked like it was fed a constant dose of steriods everyday. The fucking thing was huge and you use it to stand in for a bear. The poor fella had only one eye left though and they warn me against patting it, unless I wanted my hand ripped off.

Lee takes me to club Metro, premier club jont and all. You'll never know you're in Caucasian territory there. The place is filled with Asian BABES. The only reason why the people in there look better is cos everyone dresses up to party there and the girls come from all kinds Asian places. You get Koreans, Japs and Taiwanese all drinking together at the bar. Everyone is so prim and proper that cheeky tactics just don't work here.


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