Sunday, February 26, 2006

Booze, Bapoks and Butches

I'm having this title only because its LB's idea to combine the three B's that ideally defined our night. I would have added progressive music and shuffling but it doesn't fit any where into the B category.

I head to Zouk cos there's some progressive act going on at Phuture. And at this point in my life, shuffle music takes precedence over girls. I'm lying, the real reason why I'm actually supporting local acts is cos I was given free invites to the event by Yumi. In return I'll write something juicy on the blog for her, but not this entry. She had a nice voice and if I wasn't so acustomed to hearing girls whose English is littered generously with grammatic roadkills, I'd have almost forgotten how sexy it is for girls to speak decent English.

LB, Eugg and me get there close to 11pm. By 11.15pm, I plaster myself strategically at the bar counter at Phuture.

11.15pm: I order 4 shots of whiskey for Eugg and me. LB is not drinking anything mildly alcoholic. The whiskey turns out to be VERY potent.

11.20pm: I've finished both shots and we eye the couple next to us. The girl is gorgeous and the person she's next to is either a butch or a guy. Either way she/he is VERY ugly. Had he larger ears and painted himself orange, he would snag the casting credits for the stand-in of the Orange Guy in Sin City.

11.23pm: We order 2 Gin Tonic and 2 glasses of Vodka Redbull. I take both drinks like a dehydrated camel.

11.28pm: A group near us gets a tray of Sour Apple. The couple next to us gets a round of it too. I cannot be out done by the Brady bunch or the ugly Hollywood creature wanna-be. We order 4 shots of it.

11.35pm: Eugg cannot keep up with my drinking habits. He suggest we tone down alittle. I make taunting remarks, scathing whatever pride he's half drunk consciousness can muster. We order 2 shots of tequila. I really hate tequila, but I'll drink anything you can throw at me.

11.37pm: I wave for the waiter again. They really love entertaining us unlike the fuckers at Dbl O. I order 2 Lychee Martinis and 2 Blowjobs. LB attempts to count the number of drinks I've had.

11.43pm: Eugg starts giving excuses not to drink the drinks.

11.46pm: Eugg is almost out, but my drinking motto says, "If you cant keep up, you better step up." I gave my card to the waitress and tell them to get me 2 Screaming. I buy this largely because I half anticipated the girls to ask me what drink is it. Well, it worked before.

11.52pm: The waiteress starts recommending me drinks to buy. We end up getting Martell VSOP shots. LB drank the Screaming for Eugg and half the VSOP, I'd never leave any alcohol wasted so I finish up the remaining half.

I'd save you the math. Till this point, Im on 11 and a half. This isn't alot but most of my friends aren't alcoholics like me, and seldom do they drink to anywhere near my threshold. I'm probably 40% high, another 12 more shots and I'll pretty much drop.

The crowd is, hold on. There is NO crowd. I can start playing hop-scotch in the middle of the dance floor and still have enough space to built a campfire. This is the demise of Zouk as we know off. Thankfully, the music is pretty amazing. Or it could be the 10 plus cocktails talking.

Some random highlights:

This chick in School Uniform outside Zouk. I asked her if she was lost. She calls her friend and says something like this.

UniformChick: "Where are you? I'm at the place where all the drunks are, and they are asking me if I'm lost."

We end up talking cos LB know her name. Turns out she's his ex-school mate and Pappy's friend. She's pretty good looking but very tall. I take a pic with her, just because her uniform is way too yummy.

Me: "Where did you come from? Why are you dressed like this?"
UniformChick: "I came from a dinner party, it's a costume ball for SULT."
Me: "Sounds fun, you re-arrange the letters and you can spell SLUT."
UniformChick: "Oh my gawd.. ya!"

We tell her to go in to Zouk dressed like that, even though she has a change of clothes. She accepted the bet on a condition I buy her a drink. I cannot remember what I said but I hand her some old lottery ticket.

I meet my 'dream' girl from the John Digweed story. She's a friend of our friend and attached. This absolutely bores me to death.

We end up talking to the very gorgeous girl with the hermaphrodic date (the couple at Phuture). I'd have said androgynous but androgynic people tend to be very good looking. Whatever. The toad with the hot chick didn't seem too please at us. Fuck it! There are times when I have to step in to help blind girls who are making bad decisions like crossing the road filled with ugly cars with bumper stickers that says, "I'm a toad, please let me hit on you". The following is why I never pick people up. Rarely at least.

Me: "What's your number?"
HotGirl: "Errmmm... this is weird. You haven't even told me your name?"
Me: "What's weird. Oh.. XXX.. and you?"
HotGirl: "XXX. So what are you doing now?"
Me: "Getting your number."
HotGirl: "No I mean, you studying?"
Me: "Ya.."
HotGirl: "At..?"
Me: "NUS. Ok now give me your number."
HotGirl: "Ermm.. ok."

Whatever, I suck at it. LB steals her number of my phone cos he's interested in her too and wants to make it a 2 horse race.

We go back to Phuture for more dancing. Straight nights of continous shuffling and binge drinking have finally taken its toll on me. I pull a muscle in my left groin which makes shuffling a real pain. This is fucking big for me. Not being able to shuffle when the music rocks analogically equates to not being able to get an erection during sex.

Some guy comes up to me. Turns out to be my God-Sis' boyfriend and he offers me more drinks. I like him already.

This girl starts dancing near us. I smile at her and she smiles back... for the rest of the night. We say bye to her and she comes up to talk to us. She gives LB a peck and a hug but wants me to take her number. Weird, totally caught us off guard.

LB: "You want who to take your number?"
She: "Him." [pointing to me]
LB: "Him? Why him?"
She: "Cos he's so handsome. Look abit like Ah Beng, but I like."

Whatever rocks her boat. Am I taking the bait? No.

We bump into this VERY hot ladyboy. Then again, the average Ladyboy is about two rungs hotter than the average female. The really pretty ones have enough pout,cleavage and strut to put our actresses to shame. Now that's a statement even you hardcore authentic pussy lovers cannot possibly argue. LB pecks her on the cheek and chokes on the foundation. She's a walking cosmetic sample set. She's so heavily made up, you can steal makeup off her face and still leave enough for her to go work in the geisha house. We befriend all ladyboys we meet. Usually they'll be attracted to either one of us so they entertain most of our crap.

The night turned out decently well, despite the initiate setback in crowd. To think we half contemplated on leaving for some sleazy pub at Tanjong Pagar, which would probably had been a bad choice.


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