Monday, January 23, 2006

Butterfly goes to gay pub

Going to the gay pub does some good. It extensively gives width to my vocabulary, and hence i have a pocket arsenal to converse with male homosexuals using their lingos. I know some terms they use through accquintance with various friends. Yes, I have gay friends. Firstly, the important thing to know is that there are two types of homosexuals. The top and the bottom, which refers to who fucks and who gets fucked respectively. They are usually mutually exclusive so two tops might equate to no sex and they'll have to wank each other.

Now I learn a new word. Cruising. Well, in my world and circle of friends, we call it Fishing. Cruising refers to looking out for available targets. As seen in the following...

Gay: "I'm going to cruise around"

The above has the same meaning as, "I'm going fishing" and in lay man's term, "I'm going to look for someone attractive so i can fuck." Ok, now on to the story proper.

LB and me head down to Happy to meet Pappy and his friends. LB has his own intentions for going, there's issues to be sorted out. I go because I reckon it'll be fun. Wrong intuition. One of the other reason is cos Pappy says the clubs usually have women there. The prettiest girl there is the transsexual DJ, nuff said.

Pappy's friends are like most gays, very friendly. One of them has a voice of a woman. When i overheard him on the phone when i called Pappy, I swear I thought Pappy's mother was coming along. Its a cross between a duck quacking and a typical auntie haggling at the market.

In between, LB and me entertain them by playing out our mock sexual dominance. They and everyone around seems to think our take on anal sex is hilarious. Men... so easy to please. Pappy is in a very gay outfit, tank tops with jeans, he claims its for blending in purposes. LB and me are probably the most ungayly dressed duo in the club.

Gay men have nice bodies, I'll give it to them, but they cant dance. I stand by my word. And not all gay men are goodlooking either, some are very ugly. Probably why they turn gay in the first place. I tell them that I proclaim myself to be the prettiest guy in the club. Gay clubs blow, I didn't get hit on as much as before, that sucks.

We end up heading to MoS. Best decision of the night.

I bump into Mare and two other girls. One of which I've 'dated' in my couple game. I'll call her HotBody and the other AnkleTattoo. We end up clubbing together. LB is not please that I decide to target AnkleTattoo cos he doesn't see any reason on why i should. I beg to differ. Fresh meat is ALWAYS better, usually.

Mare starts dancing with HotBody, so i switch places and go for AnkleTattoo. Its the tattoo, I'm a sucka for it. I ended up kissing her, infront of them. It went something like this.

HotBody: "why don't you kiss him (Mare)"
AnkleTattoo: "Yea, like this" [the two girls kiss]
Me: "Why the fuck will i want to kiss him!?"
AnkleTattoo: "For fun!!"
Me: "Crazy.. I rather kiss you" [I hold AnkleTattoo on the cheeks and we both kissed]

HotBody says nothing. She shouldn't and she can't cos we've agreed to keep US under wraps before. They repeatedly continue their lesbian action. The men around are loving it. Some girl I know comes to dance near me, and gets pissed when i start ignoring her. Fuck her, the lesbian action is WAY more interesting.

HotBody says she needs to head off cos she has work tomorrow. The four of us make our way to the exit. I kiss HotBody anyway, I can't let her feel left out. I'm a Capitalist, and from what i've learnt in school, competition advances the economy, which ultimately benefits everyone.

AnkleTattoo says she wants to leave too since HotBody is going off. I convince her to stay in my most convincing speech ever.

Me: "Just stay lah!"

AnkleTattoo changes her mind and says she can actually stay for awhile more. I'm so good, I should be a negotiator. LB and Pappy head off to find some other chick at the club, so I end up with her alone. Usually I'll make quick advances, but this girl is not my run of the mill chick. Firstly, she's tall.. very tall. Might possibly be taller than me. Fuck it, I'll just not kiss her while standing up. I'm not prejudice against them being taller, it just makes maneuverability hindered.

The remaining time i just shuffled continously. Some guy comes to shuffle with me. Girls need to seriously start picking it up.

I'm happy we went to the gay pub cos it only served to remind me why I love girls so much more. Amazing what it does to the percieved quality of girls at a normal joint. Everyone seems to look better. Unless they're fat and ugly, those generally fall beyond grace.


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