Friday, January 20, 2006

Butterfly steals, gets caught

I'm writing this because I was just recounting the things we did on Chinese New Year, and this story always comes up. Firstly cos it was hilarious then, and secondly cos we nearly had to spend CNY with the cops.

This happened 2-3 yrs back. We went for drinks at Fisherman's Village and ended up playing really funny card and word games. If I remember correctly, there's Huixx, Blaque, Jez(my then gf), my sis, Dennis and me. Its not gonna be as hilarious reiterating cos its situational humor, and no matter how good I write it down, its not gonna be as funny. So just think of a funny thought, laugh abit and then continue reading.

Basically, we rigged the entire card game so that Blaque would always end up drinking. Blaque is a bad drinker, i have evidence here. Hence, he naturally became the prime target. We once played this game where everyone could only ask questions, whoever didn't or laughed, drinks. Blaque spouts a gem and refused to admit he's sentence was wrong.

Blaque: "I can smell your constipation from a mile away?"

No matter how you say it, that is NOT a question and constipation has no smell.

We ended up staying till 5am, when everyone was gone. Then we did the dumbest thing. We attempted to steal the beer bucket. You see, we ordered two buckets of Strobe which came in a very nice bucket that all of us wanted for a waste paper basket. So we took the buckets, then we saw the bottle opener. We took that too.

Then one of them wanted the beer mugs. We took them too, ALL of it. Then we realised that if we put the mugs into the jugs, we could fit them all in the bucket. So, we took the jugs.. ALL of it. We started laughing boisteriously at our ingenuity in packing all the stolen goods together. A few more beers and we'd have planned on robbing banks.

Then Blaque and Dennis decided buckets and mugs weren't enough, they wanted the deck chairs. Blaque started dragging the chair, letting go only because the chairs were chained together and it'll have been impossible stacking 6 deck chairs in the car. Then they tried prying the dart board off the wall, it failed. And all this time everyone was laughing and creating an absolute ruckus enough to wake anyone in a 200m radius.

Everyone streamed off with the stuff, leaving Blaque, Jez and me holding a bucket with a jug and two mugs. Suddenly, one guy comes out of NOWHERE and halts me. Blaque makes a run for it. He literally RAN for the exit. Jez stood with me, she had too. Amazing what love does, I might have ran. Joking.

Man: "Excuse me brudder. Did you pay for those?"

Its one of those rhetorical questions where you should NEVER say anything. I fuck you not, I nearly pissed my pants. I tried faking ignorance. Failed.

Me: "Eh brudder.. you know.. its Chinese New Year.."

I say the dumbest things when I'm nervous. There I was, trembling, and hoping not to say anything punkish. I know it was a dumb thing to say, I made it seem like CNY justified theft.

Man: "No no no. I'm asking you a question. Did you pay for those."

All this time, he stood with his hands behind his back, like those arrogant disciplinarian heads taking their authority to the next level. The difference here is, this guy was itimidating, and he's probably the watcher, which meant it was in his jurisdiction to criminate our ass.

Me: "Ermm.. no."
Man: "So that means you're stealing. I can call the cops you know?"
Me: "Hey sorry lah brudder, just fooling around you know...."

He took a long hard stare at me. I half contemplated on making a run for it. I'd have made it, but Jez would have gotten me caught by tripping over stuff like she normally does. I have to emphasize that I was fucking nervous and scared shit to even conjure any wise cracks.

Man: "ok.. I'll forget about things tonight. One more time and I'll call the cops."

I breathed a sigh of relief, then attempted to shake his hand. He walked away. Friendly chap there. Everyone was out of sight, then I saw Blaque running back.. empty handed. So much for unity. Apparently Blaque ran and hid the stuff at the nearest tree he could find, then made his way back in an attempt to rescue me. The funny thing was that the first thought he had was to stash the stuff safely, my safety was secondary. I don't blame him, we did put in alot of thought and effort in stealing the stuff.

In the end, I ended up not taking anything! Dennis took a bucket and a jug. Blaque took a mug and the bucket, Huixx took something, Jez took a jug. I took nothing. I'm obviously altruistic.

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