Thursday, December 29, 2005

Butterfly goes to Court

The night before...

I'd like to thank everyone who sent me well wishes last night. After dropping Ivory back home, I went to meet the guys at Living Room @ Marriott at some birthday party. We start making toast to my last night of freedom. I'm like dead man walking.

In between, Round Eyes, Draco and me start giving Dek suggestions on what to text the PRC from the other night at Dbl O. It finally boils down to Dek's and my simpleton mandarin vs RoundEyes and Draco's elaborate verses. The place blows other then the good handful of good looking chicks. Some fucker buys a bottle of champagne then leaves without paying, and we almost get blamed for the scam. What a good move, sounds like something we should do.

We head to Zouk, for the last Mambo of the Year. It just reminds me why i hate mambo. Bad music, good crowd, bad music. Zeekay and me start imitating the dance patterns and he keeps coming up with moves not approved by the Mambo committee, which i tell him is illegal unless the people on the podium does it.

Dek comes with the PRC girl and her friend. Her friend is decent looking, visibly older than me, and a body resembling Gummy Bears. Like most people, they love pulling my hair. LB introduces me to two ex-school mates. One decent look, and another one thats more fucky. Best introduction goes to Flower who introduces me to some 28yr old, very hot lady with mix blood. She's hot, out of my league and we look like we have nothing in common, except probably how it feels like to be 24. Thanks to all of you guys for trying to hook me up! My mind ain't at the right place though, pls... do not stop trying.

5hours later..

Im all dress up waiting to attend court. I have to sit through the mandatory 4min nag session from my mum who emphasized STRONGLY, not to drive.

I go in to listen to the other case hearings, just so to get a rough mental prep of what to expect. My lawyer comes with his assistant whom i've been corresponding through email and phone, she's pretty cute, a little meaty but with what i gather to be a good B/C cup.

I go in to wait my turn and some girl comes up to read me my charge and gets me to acknowledge it. She's young, average looking. Yes, in my darkest hour i still find time to assess people, its innate.

My charge sheet wrote and i quote, "his breath strongly smelled of alcohol, had a steady gait and a clear speech." Did i smell of alcohol?!? That rat ass LCP who wrote the statement is obviously having a sinus. They also forgot to mention the fact that i was clear headed enough to correct them that the police WRX car has a smaller turbo compared to the STi, and that my name was mispelt in two charge sheets. The police at the station were obviously drunk too. I'm however not a snitch, I let it slide.

Anyway, there basically NOTHING you can say or do to alter the inevitable outcome. I did get a lawyer to mitigate my case, and pray for the minimal fine and disqualification period. The judge is as lao lan (arrogant) as always, but i forgive her, since she's actually pretty hot. She's one judge i'll definitely fuck any day even if i cant get my sentence reduced. She gets pissed off by one lawyer's constant repetitive defence.

HotJudge: "YES! I know, you've been repeating this MANY times, and I'm NOT deaf."

Fuck the lawyer, he's agitating HotJudge which is NOT good for me. I could really use a dancing teletubby to ease the tension. The other thing is that lawyers are pretty good at bullshiting, this lawyer was reading a mitigating plea which states "...the defendent is a regular helper at XXX home for the aged..." Ohh please, spare the bullshit! The guy looks like he is 65, he probably IS staying there!

I finally get called up, i quickly adjust to tuck my hair under my collar. Did i mention i was very dressed for the hearing? I look like I have a wedding dinner to attend after this, I look so good, I love myself. I stand while my lawyer reads MY bullshit

"...his father is a prominent figure.."
"...he contributed alot to his unit during NS.."

and my personal favourite line from him.

"...this case is not of any heinous serverity, its is timely unlucky that it is a crime of naïvety more than anything else..."

Don't you just love when they phrase it so nicely? For the language challenged readers, it mainly just says, "This is bullshit, my client is obviously sober and capable of driving. Plus he didn't wreck any property of kill any muthafuckers. He was just plainly unlucky to have been caught. He should have known better than to take that road back."

While the lawyer is reading my case, the girl that read my charge to me comes up to me.

She: "Hai...why did you drink and drive? *sigh*"

I look at her. What another lecture? Do i even know u?

She: "so you know already ah? Don't drink and drive next time and don't drive for the next year. Don't want to see you in here again ok?"

I come to court and people here say the same dumb things i've heard outside of it. If she wants to pick me up, she's gotta work on her pickup lines. For the record, i got fined $2.2k and 12months disqualification.

I'm pretty happy with the outcome. I start making conversation with this chap in the waiting room. He's there for drunk driving, and has a reading of 51mg. He got a 1k fine, and NO disqualification! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!! Im so not happy with the outcome. I probe him further but he refuses to say, just that dodgy smile. I bet he pulled strings and panties. This is fucking NEPOTISM! I had a lower reading and my punishment now looks as if i'm serving time for trafficking 2 tones of heroine.

Didn't I tell you law is bullshit.

Post-Script:

I just got this in my mail, from the lawyer

>On a note of trivia, I have also looked up the Act with regards to the>disqualification penalty. If you are interested, you might find the same>at Section 67 (2) of the Road Traffic Act. I have extracted the relevant>parts of the legislation for you:->* A person convicted of an offence under [S67] shall be>disqualified from holding or obtaining a driving licence for a period of>not less than 12 months....>>This necessarily means that the Court must give a disqualification order>equivalent or more than 12 months. In view of this legislation, the>Court has thus awarded you the minimum disqualification.

Yippie! I should be happy? Well one fucker obvious found a backdoor (no sex pun intended).

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