Butterfly is lost for words

For those that know, today is the last of my driving days, for a year at least. Ivory buys me dinner at Sushi Tei then gives me a present in a Gucci carrier. I immediately freak out and ask what is it. She tells me its not Gucci, I breathe a sigh reflief. Getting me anything from Gucci would seriously be bribing my conscience to treat them better, depending on the exquisitness of the gift. Anything above $50 definitely scores points for them, which they can redeem for public kissing. Above $100 will entitle a fuck, a good one.

I was hoping for it to be some cheap TopShop accessory. I unwrap to very bad news. The gift is wrapped in brown paper with a logo of a knight riding a horse. I pray for the Burberry's wrapper to be a leftover from her own item. Turns out she got me a Burberry's notebook.

We head to Wala's for drinks, which she buys again. I'm really not exploiting her, I offered to pay, I really did. Everything is going good, then she has to stir up shit and say really horrible things to me.

Ivory: "There's something I want to tell you, but i think its gonna freak u out."

At this point, I'm prepared for her to tell me anything from, "I have a kid." to "I'm 38 years old" to "I'm a man". I take a DEEP breadth, lean further away from her and say, "What!?"

Ivory: "I'm really into you. I'm pretty much crazy about you."

Why would anyone say such horrible things? Just when I thought everything is going smoothly, they have to pull this shit. She stares at me. I look away, half wanting to laugh.

Ivory: "Well... aren't you gonna say anything to me?"

I look at her, trying to find the right words to say. I race through several ambiguous lines then settled for the first thing that came to my mind.

Me: "Merry Christmas?"

She stares at me, eyes widened at least an inch.

Ivory: "And Happy New year right....."
Me: "Errm ya and Happy New Year."
Ivory: "AND?!"
Me: "Thank you?"

It don't take an Einstein to realise the degree of pissness i've elevated her to. Instead of shouting at me with something like, "You asshole!", of which im pretty used to, she says nothing. The long silence is getting to me, I attempt to cheer her up.

Me: "Hey, don't be like that.. cheer up."

She starts to tear. Im serious. In the middle of the band playing Breakfast at Tiffany's, she starts to tear. When a girl cries, thats it for me. Thats how the cookie crumbles. I try my next best cheer up line.

Me: "Don't cry..."
[Band plays 'Let her cry' by Hootie and the Blowfish, bad song selections, so not helping]

I ended up telling her a long story about me being commitment phobic and stuff. I tell her why im called Butterfly, because i get bored easily with people, i constantly change attention and i might almost be incapable of love. My strongest defence was that "I don't want to screw up people's life". None of it effective.

Ivory: "Im like that too, but maybe we could try? You know, not be a Butterfly anymore."
Me: "Doesn't sound too fun.."
Ivory: "You could try? I'll make you change your mind."
Me: "Why the change? I like my life now, and we shouldn't fix stuff that ain't broken."

I tell her another story about how I hate people wanting me to change, telling me to cut my hair and that I shouldn't put anymore tattoos. Im such a bullshiter, i just make up 'new' things i hate everytime she says something not in tangent with my Butterfly Mentra. Basically, telling me to quit hooking up is not a good thing, its like telling Paris Hilton pink is bad.

I basically lay down some ground rules, by telling her things i don't like.

a) thou shall not be dependent on me
b) thou shall not cling on to me
c) thou shall not expect too much from me, i crumble under expectations.

Me: "You know me for like 3 days, and u think u like me?"
Ivory: "I feel like i've known u for ages, im just so comfortable around you."
Me: "I'll hate to wonder what knowing me for 2 months will do to you when u have to go back"
Ivory: "I'll strangle you, then cut u up and take u back with me."

Of all she's said tonight, i honestly hope she's joking about that.