Saturday, December 24, 2005

Pre-Xmas Parties

I had a gathering at my cousin's pad which turned out to be an extended cousin's gathering for him cos they invited the people from his wife's side. The only highlight of this gathering was this girl from the otherside.

When i said otherside, i really meant other world. She was scary. Quite possibly the scariest looking girl i've met all year. Where do i even begin to describe her. Well, she looks like she ODed on some testosterone drug or suffering from hormonal imbalance cos she's got a moustache equivalent to a two day scrub. She's got amazingly frayed eyebrows, a pigs nose and one of those upper lips that fold upwards to show the buck teeth. This girl is quite accomplished, she's managed to achieve the two pinnacles of being ugly and fat in just 16yrs.

As if being fat and ugly isn't enough, she talks non stop and she's equally dumb. I cannot look at her without shivering, i have to see her through my phone camera to prevent myself froming stabbing her. She dishes out amzing comments, calling an entire essemble of TCS stars on TV "Ugly". I had to stop myself from bursting out into laughter. I was still giggling even when the TV was showing something on the Aceh survivors. I've attached a picture for your viewing pleasure.. in her most flatering light.

I head to MoS to meet Lee and some other friends. The queue is FUCKING insane. It stretches nearly far back enough to take the reverse bungy. The only reason I bothered to wait was cos the queue was littered with enough good-looking people to ensure that going into the club was worth every waiting minute.

After nearly 2hrs, we decide head down Club MoMo. Alot of it had to do with the club capacity being breached. Momo was just as packed inside, though there wasn't a queue. At 1am, I'm not queuing for anything anywhere. Momo remains how i remembered it to be, packed with hot asses.

I immediately zoom in on two girls whom i suspected to be ladyboys. One had immaculately perfect nose, the other had an ample boob. Tell-tale signs to proceed with extreme caution. The nice nose one, turns out to be Thai, and the other was local. Thai girl speaks very good English and tells me her dad's Singaporean. I take her number and tell her i'll be her tour guide for the next few days. Maybe i'm wrong, maybe they aren't ladyboys.

Two other girls come dancing beside me and Ken. One is an energizer bunny who starts dancing with me. She's perfectly fuckable except that she's with the group, our group, though i know none of them. Ken doesn't know, starts hitting on them which climaxes to an embarassing moment cos Ken and EnergizerBunny didn't know we're 'supposed' to be 'a group'.

Some chick comes along with her hand on the sides of her forehead saying 'excuse me', i jokingly said, "what? superpowers ah?". She start pinching my cheeks, and in the worst reflex action by me for the night, i smile at her. She starts holding me, then grabs my hand to put on her ass, under her skirt!

If this chick was hot, i'll have ended my night there and then and wisked her away. She wasn't. She attempts to kiss me, i tease then turn away and she ends up licking my ears. Next thing i know, she has her hand under my shirt in an attempt to remove them and she forces her lips to me again.


And I pushed her away. She takes my hand to grope her again, then says some stupid shit.

She: "Don't worry, i won't ask you to take me home with you.."
Me: "That's good..."

I tell her friend who's with her that she's drunk. When i do that, she bites me on the back! I complain to her friend who drags her towards her and tells her. And i quote..

Friend: "Behave yourself! Now apologise and introduce yourself to him!" (sic)

I start laughing and Drunkgirl takes out her handphone. I know where this is going. Lee is making "Don't Do It" signs at me. Firstly, i do not turn down people, unless they're obnoxiously fat and ugly. Karma has a way of catching up to us.

Her phone has a picture of a guy and her.

Me: "What's this?" (pointing to the guy)
Drunkgirl: "Don't worry, not my boyfriend"
Me: "I do not give numbers with pictures of guys on the the phone."

She starts going through her phone book and starts to toogle some stuff. Her friend comes over to tell me that she wants to take my number and ask if i will just give it to her. The friend sees my reluctance in participation.

Friend: "Don't worry, she'll probably forget this tomorrow so she won't call and bother you."

Drunkgirl hands me the phone again, this time with an entirely different background. I commend her on her efforts and persistence to attain my number. I type it in for her, then try to make a quick getaway by hiding in the toilet. The only reason why i didn't want to stay around is cos a girl hugging and kissing u all night effectively kills all chances with hooking up other chicks. And since the club has ALOT of hotties, im not letting Atila the hun here destroy all my chances.

The second reason is cos i've already made my move on the Thai girl, and i'll be shooting myself in the foot by hooking up with a lesser being.

I'm already beginning to like Momo all over again.


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