Thursday, December 08, 2005

Getting picked up is not good

For those who said that i'll lose my aura bcos i had my hair cut, u're WRONG. I'm still wanted hahaha, girls are obviously blind. I love blind people.

O Bar remains what it'll always be, the place that never ceases to fail. U can never go wrong with places with cheap drinks. For tonight, we're out celebrating Totti's bday. Lee is back from Perth so its his first outing with us. The girls actually out-number the guys tonight so we ain't fishing. Unicorn brings her fren Nat to join us. Sue is there with Suomi.

When we get there, Huixx is surrounded by guys as usual. The best thing she does all night is introducing me to one of her cuter frends. We do not fish tonite, cos the crowd is fucked, with the exception of a couple of girls. I on the other hand, become the target of two girls. I love being me, I love O Bar.

These 3 girls infront of us go into a horrible rendition of lesbian dancing. They're the three witches from Macbeth, dancing awakardly around each other, with ZERO co-ordination and negative finesse. They're not hot, but LB tells me they're about the best we can find tonite. O Bar needs the beautiful people of Zouk. We don't give much attention to them, and I tell Lee that they're easy pickings cos they choose to dance near us when they had so much room from where were.

Sue and Unicorn bring out their cams, which is aside from Johnny Walker, my next favourite clubbing buddy. I'm an absolute photo whore, and i admit it. I keep emphasizing, pretty people need to be on camera, heh. In between all this, Unicorn is trying to get me and LB to kiss. Its a fetish she's been harbouring for months now i think. It evolves into a dare wager, with me daring her to ask this guy in a sweater if he's feeling hot and her daring us to kiss. She's a wuss. Period.

The next thing i know, one of the three girls dancing infront of us grabs me to dance with her, not by the hand but she goes straight for the waist and neck. Apparently, introductions are passe, teenagers these days go right into grinding their ass on you. Unicorn is confused about what these people actually see in me.

Unicorn: "Huh?! What magic pill did u take ah?"

I'll be honest here. This girl is UGLY. Ok maybe I'm alittle harsh. She's not attractive, has bad complexion and a fat nose, she needs only to lose her makeup to qualify for a spot on Extreme Makeover. I go along cos that opens up her two frends for the guys to move in. See! I can be altruistic! And the guys actually laughed when i said i was. Hey, im an asshole, but i play my game for the team.

20mins of hell later, i make my escape from the clutches of the killer koala. There's not a moment when she doesn't have at least one hand on me. My ordeal with the territorial she-devil briefly went like this.

The first thing she asked me wasn't my name, but if i was attached. She then proclaims to the guys that i'm booked for the night, and tells me i'm not allowed to dance with any other girl tonight. Totti says he's my mama-san and i tell her to give him my booking fee. In between, she tries to kiss me, but i dodge. I tell her i have stitches from dancing so that i can sit. She CLINGS onto me endlessly, prompting LB to call her a Jacket. Through all this, im making 'help me' faces at the gals. They try to pry me away, but Jacket here is relentless, she's the Gold medal winner for persistence. I hate being me, I hate O Bar.

Totti moves in to talk to the other one in cap which is the prettiest of the lot. Its more like the lesser of two evils. The uglier frend, i call her NYJC cos she's a student there, is a cock-blocker, which proves my theory that the ugliest in the group is always the mother hen, cos they never get the dicks. She drags CapGirl away. That was a B+ cock-block on Totti. NYJC is a fuck face with vocabulary limited to vulagarities. She thinks she's funny, but she's just a fuck face. I hate her.

Jacket goes off to find them cos i run away at the slightest chance. I'm so sneaky cos i act as if im going to get drinks. I've paid my dues. I've refrained from a single word of insult all night, except when Unicorn told me to tell this girl that she's fat.

Jacket comes back and she now moves in for Lee. I'll leave this for Lee to fill in. We DO NOT pass judgement on anyone. An Ok pussy is better than no pussy, but no pussy is better than bad pussy.

NYJC starts pulling me over to dance with CapGirl. And bcos she tells me that CapGirl is interested in me, I be a total asshole an play hard to get. NYJC is pissed cos im not dancing with her frend and i quote her when she tells me this 4x, "Can u stop being an asshole? Asshole... My friend wants to dance with you!" She points her middle finger at me, and cos she's short she had to lift up her arms to do it. I say, "why? didn't shave today?". She rolls her eyes. One point for Butterfly, nil to fuck face.

Now the second girl picks me up for the night. CapGirl pretty much mirrors Jacket in the things she do. My name is secondary to my singlehood status. CapGirl attempts to kiss me, and since she's cuter, i do not dodge. She's however, not hot enough and im not drunk enough to start making out with. I do not kiss her back which prompts her to mouth gems to me like..

CapGirl: "Are u shy?"
CapGirl: "You don't like kissing?"

In fairness, she's pretty alright. Any girl forcing their tongue into my mouth without biting me is a pass in my book. I've pretty low standards, after the shit kisses i've gone through. The other romantic stuff she tells me includes her desire to rape me when im drunk. The exacts words went something like this..

Me: "I'm not getting drunk tonight"
CapGirl: "But i want u drunk, cos i'll rape u when u are drunk"
Me: "two more cups and i'll tell u im drunk, then u can rape me"
CapGirl: "I dun care, im raping u tonite."

I read this as a subtle "i want to fuck u". I'm the princess, and this is my fairytale world where everyone wants to fuck me. If u don't, u suck and u have bad taste. Hey, i've been right about this more times then im wrong.

The night is pretty much sane and mellow. Totti saw camel toes though!! Nothing else worthy of my mention. NYJC and me get into a stare down cos she's been rude all night and she was rude to Totti. She tells me she will slap me, i say 'so?'. I'm so childish, i just love myself. I can't believe i even bother with these 18yr olds. OHH i didn't mention? They're underaged. People who can be rude are people who look good. Ugly people should never be rude, people already hate u for looking bad, the last thing u need is for them to kill u for your personality.

Someone said something about looking after the girls cos Jacket is dead drunk and clinging on to Lee. I assholishly proclaim that, I was picked up, I didn't pick them up, and hence i should be cleared of all responsibilities which includes, taking their contact, hailing a cab for them or sending them home. Tell the judge to hit the gavel, the night is over!

And so for those of u (U know who u are!) who thought im appealing to girls only cos of my hair, U'RE WRONG ASSHOLES! HAHAHAHA!


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