Thursday, December 22, 2005

Butterfly Resumes Clubbing

Its exactly a week to the fateful night i got caught for drink driving, and a week since alcohol made its evaporation on my lips. Tonight i re-acquaint myself with that familiar old friend and attempt to make a decent return to where it all happened.

O Bar is now officially out of bounds. For those of us that witnessed its racial composition, enough is said. DBL O still maintains a decent crowd. There's some makeup shit going on and dancers walking around holding gigantic stringes with a pussy mix of a drink thats purple in colour. Colourful drinks are always weak. One of the dancer comes up to us to get us to buy a drink. LB shuns away cos he's the designated driver and I tell her, "I'm under-aged".

The pussy shot goes for $6 each, and we're never gonna pay for that. I said something about the drink being horrible and she allows me to drink half the shot, on the house. I take half of it, and I make a horrible expression and refused to pay for the other half, complaining that she stained my shirt in the process. She gives me the remaining shot for free. Such an angel.. with slightly crooked teeth. I get a free drink from a dancer, LB says something about her probably having to pay for the shot or forgoing her commission. That's so sweet, its a benchmark in my clubbing checklist. Freebies from dancers.. I'm henceforth, envy of lesser men. Bow to me pricks.

Another dancer comes over to try to get us to drink. LB shuns, i tell her the drink's horrible and Dek becomes the target. Dancer #2 is friendly, but she's not gonna give us free shots.

Me: "Get the girls to buy, stop aiming at us men."
Dancer#2: "The girls have free flow, they won't buy"
Me: "These women are cheapos.."
Dancer#2: "Yea..like some men..."

She's got a sense of humour. Plus points. Turns out she's Lee's varsity friend in Perth. She tells us she's Eurasian, turns out she isn't. That liar. Her mum's Chinese and her Dad's Thai. So where's the Eurasian blood? That's just Asian. For all of u out there, You're Eurasian ONLY if u have a mix parentage OUTSIDE Asia. Go check the fucking atlas, Thailand and Singapore mix still makes u Asian.

Dancer#1 comes back, i get her name and thank her for the free drink. Yes, it takes me 20mins to express gratitude. Zeekay looks at me wide eyed, but im not that impressive to randomly chat people up. I tell him about what happened. She comes back to tell me not to tell any of the dancers that she bought me a drink.

Dancer #3 comes over to attempt to peddle another round of shots. Dek declines. Dancer#3, a diploma holder in shameless marketing asks if he'll buy one for her. Dek's reply is classic.

Dancer#3: "How 'bout buying one for me?"
Dek: "I won't even buy one for myself!"

She slumps away. I can't believe the nerve of these dancers. They prance around with celluloid, shake their humps and they think men will just buy them drinks?! Only hot dancers should sell the idea of men buying them drinks.

Dek spots two girls dancing. I wing for him and he moves in. Firstly, these two girls are drunk, they are at forgiving best in the "fuckable" category and they have decent dance moves. Dek moves in for in my opinion the better looking one (and the slimer one too). The chubby one whips her hair into my face. I make a loud verbal complaint, then tell Dek i'll take one for the team. Dek decides the chubby one is cuter, which is good cos i'll rather wing people lighter than me. Drunk girls are easy targets.. but that doesn't mean they won't cockblock you.

We pursue them to the bar along with the whole gang. Flower shows me two girls who picked her up when one UGLY nerd pops infront of me. I cry out "Uhhhh arrgggh!!!!", ugly nerd is pissed at my reaction. Ugly nerd is like the female version of Harry Potter, only much uglier. She's got round rim specs, short cropped hair with a clip pinning her fringe up. She lacks only the Prefect tie and needs only to say "attention class" before we can legitimately start shooting paper bullets at her. We hate snitches.

Anyway, chubby girl slaps me on the head FOR NO REASON! That bitch! I start complaining and i tell them i'm gonna kick her to get revenge. What?! U never knew i was childish? I kick her.. 4 times. I'm so proud of my physical abusive domination over a drunk bitch. As they leave, LB and me start kicking her some more, and thats for attempting to cockblock Dek. I prove once again that i'm altruistic.

Dancer#4 comes along to sell us shots, AGAIN. She tells me some deal she striked up with Dek.

Dancer#4: "U buy 4 shots i give u 2 free.."
Me: "WAAHHHHH WAT A GOOD DEAL!!!!!!" (Im being very sacarstic, she gets it, but she thinks its funny)
Dancer#4: "Your friend said its ok."
Me: "Do we get a free bicycle for that too?"

$6 is seriously overpriced. For that price they should include a handjob. No offence, but when whiskey go for $3 a Glass, pussy blackurant tasting drink from stringes should be priced the same. If anyone of you have been to Devil's bar, you'll know that buying drinks from dancers mean lying between their boobs while they house you with liqour. DBL O blows man.

Dek finally chats up this chick from China. Her stock falls considerably. Dek thought she was Jap, LB thought she was Korean, she thinks she looks local.. ohh the myraid of perceptions. She's clubbing alone (who the fuck clubs alone... unless they're waiting to be picked up). We constantly egg Dek to dance with her, in this case it goes something like "Place your hand on her ass!"

The crowd blows. Flower says the best looking guys are the gays, and when that happens, you know the place is crap. It always sucks when im not the prettiest.

The highlight of the night is supper. Our drunk female friend Opalescent's constant ranting and rating of Round Eyes as her best friend. She's quite a highlight reel. Firstly, she nearly crushes my balls while attempting to break her fall in the club. She came within an inch of effectively ending my promiscuity. Then she proclaims LB to be her boyfriend. She spends the next 30mins at supper refuting this.

Flower meets some ex-school mates. One of them has a killer ass. Its round and firm, and it makes up for her not so pretty face.

Me: "The girl has a PHAT ass.."
Lee: "Is that Phat of Fat?"
Me: "P.H.A.T"
Zeekay: "You gone already lah you!!"

You know the night ain't good when the defining moments of the club is marred by shot peddlers without decent cleavages to properly persuade us into buying the drinks.

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