Who Needs Valentines when there's Free Drinks

Fuck Valentine's Day, the damn capitalist are all out on a field day to masacre your wallets. As much as i subscribe to the Capitalist mantra of exploitation, I don't like it when I'm on the receiving end of it. The world isn't fair, stupid people should be manipulated. Im way too smart for this and those of you who chose to stay home, good for you. You are obviously smart. Either that or you're fat ugly and no one wants you.

When there's free drink, you can almost be certain I'll be there. You've heard it before, I'm a slut for free drinks. So when rare gem offers like FREE drinks and FREE entry present itself, you'd expect the place to be a watering-hole for drunk men with beer bellies and masked invididuals from Alcoholic Annoymous. Wrong.

The free flow actually begins at 9pm but by the time me and LB get there, it's closer to 10.15pm.

10.15pm: The door bitch wants us to fill up a mailing list before letting us in. In between some banter I ask what it requires for me to be eligible for the free roses given out at the door. She says 'Lipstick and mascara.."

10.20pm: We finally make it up there. The place is suprisingly empty considering the appeal of free drinks. We have no time to lose, I have to start hydrating myself with juices.

10.24pm: I start off with a Whiskey Green Tea. LB takes a fruit punch. If you know LB, you'll know that its typical of him. I skull mine and the ball begins.

10.26pm: I order one more Whiskey and a Vodka and drink both with a vengence and will make Johnny Walker proud.

10.30pm: Lee comes. I tell Roy I wanna do 10 shots before 11pm.

10.32pm: We order 3 more whiskey green tea. I take both. LB is my personnal accountant, he gives me the "5 more shots to go" signal.

10.33pm: Reznor gets there finally, drunk. Apparently he has been drinking since 8pm.

10.36pm: We take 4 more orders of Gin Tonic. The bartenders are eyeing us with contempt. I tell you, they hate us. We are the only ones standing at the bar and blatantly exploiting the system of free drinks.

10.40pm: Im up to the magical 7. Three more to go. I take one last Whiskey. Im slowing down considerably, considering that I haven't really had dinner yet. I need to intelligently pace myself while racing against time.

10.45pm: I tell LB to order 4 more shots of Gin Tonic. Im at 8, Lee is at 4 and LB is at zero.

10.48pm: LB orders from one waiter. That guy tells him to order from another waiter.

10.53pm: LB is STILL waiting.

10.55pm: I go in and order. They keep directing me to someone else. This is bullshit. Im being denied drinks.

10.57pm: They show me random looks of contempt. I hate them, I hope they remain bartenders forever. Low life scums, denying poor me of my goal. For once, I have an aim, and they have to come destroy it. Pardon me if i live life aimlessly again.

11.01pm: I finally get to order. He tells me "No more free flows, need to pay." And adds a smirk to it. Ugly fuck face.

Thats the end of it. I failed to reach 10, not by my own account at least. People love fucking up my my dreams. Since I never have a defeatist attitude, I decide I shall accomplish it even if it means paying.

11.10pm: I reach the magical 10 shots.

There are three themed dancers there that night. A Belly Dancer, a french maid and a I dunno what, she has white gloves, black shorts and white top. Could be Michael Jackson. I eventually get to know the Belly Dancer on a seperate night. The French Maid only has her custome going for her.

We end up talking with one of the girls walking around with a camera. I demand taking pictures, it could be the 10 intoxicating shots talking. She thinks I'm funny anyway and agree to be photographed with me.

Pappy and another friend plays us out. They decide their Valentines dates are way more important than getting drunk with us.

The last thing I remember is getting bored and deciding to leave. We head to another bar to continue binge drinking.

I do another couple of rounds there. And go off flirting with the singers.

The remaining night needs to be censored unfortunately. What a good way to spend my Valentines. Its the first time I'm spending it outside the company of a girl and I must say, drinking is much better. Well, it's for one the cheapest Valentine's day I've had in years.

Post script edit: I forgot to mention this. There was this other girl who was a Carlsberg promoter whom I 'scared' off. It went something like this.

Me: "What does it take to have a picture with you?"
Girl: "You can't.."
Me: "What? It violates your work guidelines?"
Girl: "No, just my own principles."
Me: "You have rubbish principles. The next time I see you, I'm taking your pic."
Girl: "Oh then you won't see me."
Me: "I'll see how long you can remain away from me..."

She hurtles off. She wasn't offended though but she made sure she stayed way clear of me. And because I was standing near the enterance, it was impossible for her to leave the place. She had to run pass me as a result. How do I know she wasn't really frightened of me? Cos I'm king and I know everything.