Saturday, February 03, 2007

Butterfly Meets Angry Hobbit

There are mutually exclusive things in this world, like being hot and being a whale, me and commitment, celibacy and pregnancy and the list goes on. Just in case you’ve been part of the mis-informed, drop to you knees and thank me for reiterating (very strongly in this case) one more insert to this list.

Being a Hobbit and Rude.

I don’t care who the fuck you are. You are NOBODY if you cannot get that box of cereal from the top shelf of the supermarket without having to call for assistance. Yes, I believe this would actually qualify them to be in the Paralympics.

And being rude at the same time?! You’d better have something to show for other than being the tallest midget in Serangoon or Tampines or I don’t give a fuck where, not when you should be in the Shire with the rest of the little people.

I was on a high. One 3 min therapeutic session of intense hypnosis by the cutest swaying ass I’ve seen at my work place, does wonders to your anticipation for a night date with Michael Scofield and Myojo delicacies. Yes, maybe I’ll sneak in something naughty during commercials.

Then 5mins later, I made a hobbit mad.

I elbowed her right in the chin while cramped in the train and trying to remove my wallet from the back pocket. If she had proper facial features like shaped brows and lesser moles, I’d have wished she was taller just so that I’d have scored on the boobs instead of a measly chin(protected with one huge mole no less).

It’s ok to have one mole, provided it isn’t protruding and hairless, but this girl had enough to alphabetize them all. She only needs to get a facial tan to qualify as a chocolate chip cookie.

Perhaps she didn’t hear my apologies or perhaps I had forgotten to engage courtesy, but this is beyond excuse to roll eyes at me. And like all matured Hobbits, she called her friend on the phone and I swear the ensuing monologue went like this,

She: “Some idiot just elbowed me and dunno how to say sorry. These people ah.. “

And it went on.. and on. The resonance of irritation, personified by one under-developed Hobbit, pissed possibly because she was passed off the chance to bear the ring. The amplification of this oral aggression is usually only met with one consequence, a good ass whooping.

I was deciding between punching (in this case, downwards) or a swift knee thrust to her jaws. Either of which was at equi-distance and both of which would be generally sufficient to shut her up.

And for the distance between 4 stations, I had to hear her bitch about that ‘one idiot’ who refused to apologize to her. Yes, at the 3rd station, it became,

She: “…and he STILL hasn’t apologized.”

I murmured ‘sorry’ 3 stations ago and I’m not about to start regressing into a mea culpa with you just because you have ONE imaginary friend on the phone.

Why are the little people always so angry?

Don’t blame me if the world hates you or that you can’t take roller coasters due to severe violations of height requirements. You’re angry because jeans lengths don’t start from 15 inches. You’re pissed because in zero-point, when the kid’s say waist level, you have to hold the line to your chin. You’re upset because you need the kerb to get off bicycles.

But hey, at least you get to snorkel in the shallow pools. We can’t.

10 Comments:

At 10:55 AM, Blogger sÞ¡ηηєє said...

what a sight: a chocolate chip cookie , undersized and acting childish by calling someone else on the phone complaining.

If she got the guts, she could have just confronted you directly by "oi, why you didn't apologize" or something. That deserves more respect.

Oh wait a min, maybe she's too small to have guts contained.. since she can snorkel in baby pool. :D

 
At 10:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You need to chill out. *smiles*

 
At 2:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Still love Mr butterfly...hahahahaha
brightens up my night...emo night...sobz..

 
At 9:42 PM, Anonymous Ecstasy said...

She's really stupid and I hope she reads this post aye.

 
At 6:11 PM, Blogger Cindy said...

hey! why no link to jeremy's blog?

 
At 5:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep on working, great job!
Here is my weblog - online casino free bet

 
At 11:30 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

louis vuitton, oakley sunglasses, ugg boots, oakley sunglasses, nike outlet, prada handbags, ugg boots, michael kors outlet, kate spade outlet, ray ban sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, uggs on sale, oakley sunglasses, christian louboutin outlet, ray ban sunglasses, tiffany and co, michael kors outlet, oakley sunglasses, gucci outlet, tiffany jewelry, michael kors, michael kors outlet, louboutin shoes, louis vuitton, michael kors outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, ugg boots, replica watches, burberry outlet online, cheap oakley sunglasses, jordan shoes, nike air max, nike free, longchamp, replica watches, nike air max, chanel handbags, michael kors outlet, louboutin, louis vuitton outlet, burberry, louis vuitton

 
At 11:31 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

louboutin pas cher, coach purses, hogan, michael kors, sac longchamp, lacoste pas cher, true religion jeans, vanessa bruno, abercrombie and fitch, coach outlet, sac guess, hermes, ralph lauren pas cher, coach factory outlet, michael kors, lululemon, nike blazer, nike air max, nike free, ralph lauren uk, air force, new balance pas cher, air jordan pas cher, true religion jeans, converse pas cher, nike roshe, north face, true religion jeans, ray ban pas cher, vans pas cher, nike roshe run, michael kors, michael kors, ray ban uk, nike free run uk, oakley pas cher, hollister pas cher, nike air max, nike air max, timberland, kate spade handbags, tn pas cher, coach outlet, longchamp pas cher, air max, north face, mulberry, burberry, true religion outlet, hollister

 
At 11:32 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

babyliss, north face outlet, north face outlet, giuseppe zanotti, s5 cases, nike roshe, louboutin, baseball bats, valentino shoes, beats by dre, ferragamo shoes, iphone 6 plus cases, ipad cases, bottega veneta, iphone 6s cases, hollister, mont blanc, nike huarache, birkin bag, iphone 6s plus cases, chi flat iron, vans shoes, nfl jerseys, soccer shoes, mcm handbags, hollister, abercrombie and fitch, instyler, timberland boots, lululemon, ralph lauren, new balance, soccer jerseys, celine handbags, jimmy choo shoes, herve leger, nike trainers, reebok shoes, iphone cases, insanity workout, oakley, p90x workout, longchamp, wedding dresses, asics running shoes, iphone 5s cases, iphone 6 cases, nike air max, ghd, mac cosmetics

 
At 11:33 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

ugg boots uk, converse outlet, lancel, gucci, swarovski crystal, hollister, barbour, moncler, nike air max, canada goose outlet, links of london, ugg pas cher, converse, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, barbour jackets, pandora charms, pandora charms, sac louis vuitton pas cher, pandora jewelry, vans, louis vuitton, moncler, canada goose, swarovski, canada goose uk, juicy couture outlet, canada goose, karen millen, moncler, louis vuitton, canada goose outlet, louis vuitton, moncler, canada goose, coach outlet, michael kors outlet online, montre pas cher, michael kors handbags, supra shoes, toms shoes, wedding dresses, moncler, doke gabbana outlet, moncler, louis vuitton, pandora jewelry, juicy couture outlet, ugg,uggs,uggs canada

 

Post a Comment

<< Home