Perth Stories - The 'Pick Me Up'

With all my impulsive holidays, I've come to realise that walking around town alone is one of the mandatory itineraries I've unwittingly subscribed to. I did that in Adelaide whilst having to wait for Minori to end work and covered the entire city in 4 hours. Now, having to wait for Eugg to end his white collared contribution to keep his PR, I might have covered Perth in about.. 2 hours.

Trapped in a foreign land without a sight of a single Louis Vuitton boutique, I did what all other trendy and exciting 26yr old would have done. Find the nearest Borders and hide in a corner.

From time to time, I'd allow myself to venture out to the open and infuse a prosiac dose of the Perth lifestyle. It's banausic shopping married to a plodding pace of life. It's so slow it's like driving Miss Daisy. I walk only for two reasons, to watch street buskers and ice-blended juices.

There was one particular busker that was giving pretty amusing commentary. He was in a pirate garb and trying to squeeze himself through a racquet. I stopped because I thought this dude might die and I would get to see how slow the amublances got there.

Busker: "I'm a professional busker and this is what I do. I also do gardening on the side, so if you have plants, I will water it. If you have weed, I will smoke it..."

I burst out laughing and parents with kids around me started starring at me. I had successfully promoted the 'Asians abuse drugs' sterotype. Parents have no sense of humour.

2 toilet breaks and a servere lip crack later, I needed to re-hydrate myself and since the nearest pub was 10 mins away, I decided to stick to fruit juices. Then there was Java Juice (or some shit like that)..

Girl: "Hi! What can I get you?"

I took a quick scan at the menu above the bar.

Me: "What's good here?"
Girl: "Ermm, just about everything."
Me: "I'll have to break a bank for that..."
Girl: "Haha... are you on holiday?"
Me: "Yea.."

This was a Caucasian waitress, cute and she had huge boobs that were beckoning me to end my conversation and skip right into oogling.

Girl: "Where you from? Japan?"
Me: "Nah... Singapore."
Girl: "Ahh nice country.. very clean!"

If you've spoken to enough foreigners who have NEVER been to Singapore, you'll realise that they always say the same shit to you. It's a close race between, "it's a clean country" and "is that in China?"

Me: "You've never been there before, right?"
Girl: "Oh you got me! Haha, nah I've never but I've heard lots of stories from my friends!"
Me: "That's cos we get thrown in jail for littering.."
Girl: "Are you serious?!"

People, the world is fair. You can be stupid, but you better have huge boobs. I love this girl already.

Girl: "Pick me up?"
Me: "What?"

If there was anything that could describe me, it would be a kaleidescope of shock and ecstasy. It was like walking into Gucci and getting hit by discounts. I love myself and obviously Caucasians love me too.

Girl: "Ermm.. pick me up?"
Me: "Pick you up?"

I grinned. I'd never imagine Caucasians to be THIS forthcoming. This is Bang Bus all over again, except in the streets and with clothes on. I love Perth and I'm shipping my stuff over to stay.

Girl: "Pick ME up... you know.. the drink?"

She points to the menu.

FUCKING SHIT! Who the FUCK names a drink 'Pick Me Up'!! I glanced towards the direction of her index finger.

'A smooth blend of Banana and Raspberry..."

Me: "Oh.. Pick Me Up. Yes. I'll have that...."

I paid, left to find a place to jump off to kill myself, then realised the tallest buildings around were 4 stories. Since I might chip a nail doing so, I decided against it and went back to Borders to read Harry Potter.

I hate Perth. I hate me. And I hate drinking juices.

P.S: I made one purchase. A pair of white aviators. I love it.