Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Butterflyand Reznor Gets Cop to Apologise

Men in blue, Five-O, Peacekeepers.. call them what you may, but my appreciation and respect for our friendly neighbourhood police has nosedived after Saturday's debacle. It only proves one thing. Driving a WRX makes you forget that behind that blue uniform, WE FUCKING PAY YOUR SALARY.

Naturally, if I got pulled over by some hot cop chick in a tight cleavage bearing top accusing me speeding, I'd have requested a mandatory frisk for marijuana and confessed to stroking up my engines displacement and using my dwarf hamsters to run in my wheels, just for that extra oomph all our non-Ferrari cars need.

But being stopped and 'intimidated' by some fat fuck who's got a secret penchant for big Macs and bullying people off mIRC, was the last thing I needed from keeping me inches and seconds away from the MoS doorstep.

It all happened in a flash. Reznor made a turn into the carpark from the middle lane because some cop's WRX was on hazard light by the road side and OBSTRUCTING the traffic. I caught a glimpse of the WRX inching forward then saw the cop stare right into me as if we just took the last oyster from the seafood bar.

A minute later, Reznor is eyeing the rear view mirror suspiciously.

Reznor: "Is the police following me?"

It was obvious given the car had trailed us all the way into the parking lot, had his beacon flashing and was keeping to our rear like gays on a Sunday night.

Me: "I don't think so."

Pulling over for the cops was the last thing I considered logical, not when a very good trance set was baiting me.

Reznor eventually pulled over to one side, blocking 3 on-coming cars as a result. He got off and I knew a bucket of shit was hitting the fan fairly soon.

FatCop: "IC.. Driver's license.."
Reznor: "What IC driver's license.. you got no manners?"

I was wrong. Shit was already spinning in the fan's blade. I just needed one to splatter right on me.

I got out, very reluctantly. Half pissed cos I was missing quality time by the bar and half laggardly because I'm a closet pussy. But I had to, knowing Reznor's recalcitrance towards accuse and civil servants, the longer I allowed Reznor an absence of a shealth for his temper, the sooner we'd both have your cheeks to the floor and cuffed with cable ties.

FatCop: "IC, driver's license."

The fat fuck's lack of a polite introductionay manners and summary of the perceived violation was getting to Reznor. He's continued defiance to produce the documents eventually drove the cop back to his car, whispering some jibberish to the radio, which I now believe to be a request for the SWAT team.

Reznor: "HELLO! MR OFFICER.. CAN YOU NOT WALK AWAY WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU?!"

All Reznor need now was a brass knuckle and we'd be taking in offers for assassination.

I eventually decided Reznor was too hot headed to handle the authorities and decided I'd discuss the matter with Free Willy's cop partner.

Me: "So sir, what's the problem?"
Cop2: "You ask my partner."
Me: "Ask your partner?! He doesn't evem want to entertain me!

FatCop finally comes over to exlain our 'offense'.

FatCop: Do you know you are not supposed to turn in from there? Your first time to MoS ah? Do you know you have to queue?!"

Reznor goes on to explain that he didn't realise there was a queue and he was right. All we needed was one other car and we could have qualified for an even digit. Two.

If you saw how arrogant FatCop was you'd have wondered if he just had good road head. He looked exactly like the kind you'd pay $5 to much all night just to throw sucker punches at. He was fat, clumpsy and had no idea to the how this was going to implode.

FatCop: "What if I decided to go straight? I'd have knocked into you."

*Insert* More arguing from us and he finally decided to let Rezor off with a warning. Now, normally people would sigh relief and take it as a warning, but Rezor wasn't ready to let anythingargue his point. He could have have accused eunuch's as a cause of pregnancy and still walked off with a Pulitzer prize.

Reznor: "What you mean give chance? I didn't do anything wrong."
FatCop: "you're supposed to queue up behind me."
Reznor: "So yor're telling me if you wait there for one hour, I have to wait behind you?
FatCop: *Pause* "Yes."

I giggled so hard I had to turn away from them. What fuck of an aswer is this? Do they even know what we're asking?

Me: "You had your hazard light on.. you can't move off like that."

And that was it. Arrogance faltered..

1 minute later, FatCop started apologising to us.

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