Tuesday, April 17, 2007

It's Called..

One day I'm going to walk right into a parked car, break my ribs and I'm going straight to hell. The weekend was a blast but I said shit loads of mean and dumb stuff to people and if they were any smarter, they'd have figured I was actually being sacarstic.

Most people talk without realising what they're actually saying. If there was a marketing campaign for vodka, I'd have labelled this as Absolute Bullshit.

The BBBC Night.

With vodka bottles going for $118 all night, I'm erected faster than Michael Jackson at a childcare centre. The only thing that stood between me and what I would safely say the bargain of the month, was CokeWhore doing a math comparison of that against $66 for 3 jugs of vodka redbull.

Then you add one waitress that looked like she moonlights at the library without humour into the equation and you get one Butterfly joke gone wrong.

Waitress: "Get the bottle of Martell, it's $150 only."
Me: "Wahhhh. I want vodka."
Waitress: "Com'on where else can you find a bottle this cheap?!"
Me: "Ok only la.."
Waitress: "I tell you, there is NO WHERE in Singapore that you can find a bottle this cheap!"
Me: "Ya there is.. it's called DFS."

She obviously didn't think I was funny and I doubt beyond that round rimmed glasses, there was anything in her brain to dechiper my retort and like all nerds, she took it as a cue to engage me in a debate.

Waitress: "Hello loh! DFS is not a club loh.."

Talk to the hand. What an idiot. We ignored her and she refused to smile at me all night after that.

I've come to accept the fact that the great denominator in people's curiosity in my lifestyle is sustained by that magical figure of people I've stuffed into my pants. Do not bother asking, not when I have little interest in numbers and when the rule of the thumb is that men generally multiply the true figure by 3. Me answer ever since MissFeb asked me over supper long ago remains,

Me: "Do you count the number of times you've been to MacDonald's?"

Or the usual "who have you slept with?"

Me: "Everyone I've wanted to."

And the recent favourite, "When will you ever settle down?"

Me: "It's called Pregnancy."

My mum didn't think I was very funny either and she threatened to beat me silly with the kitchen table. No one seems to think I'm funny anymore.

H: "Why are you always with a different girl every week?"
Me: "I have issues with attention span."
H: "Why? Every girl too boring for you?"
Me: "It's called CLEAVAGE."


Faith: "I don't know why all these people sign up for expensive spa packages or go for surgery loh, I'm sure there's a cheaper and healthier way to lose weight."
Me: "Duh.. it's called exercising"


And I have a new post, it's called.. How to get yourself killed.


At 7:14 AM, Blogger paradoxical-lilium said...

Cool! I almost got killed during first day of poly, because my words were so cheap.

At 9:52 AM, Blogger Minister Of Speed said...

HAHAHAH! wonderful post butterfly. cracked me up on a boring tuesday at work. i think its just THEM out there who cant get the joke in your sarcastic words. your mind just thinks too fast for them lah. lolx.

remind me of the time i went to the night safari. why, dont ask. the lady at the entrance was saying that there was a live animal show at 9.30pm. i was like "you mean theres dead animal shows?"

in your words, her reaction was "best.reaction.ever" LOL.

she looked at me and answered "its the creatures of the night show", totally ignoring my question. =)

At 1:41 PM, Blogger alex said...

My best friends adderall stared.. That which is rejected by the censorship is, according to our definition, in a state of repression. viagra. When Gideon was on the stage, Stuhk used to enjoy peeping out at the intent, smiling faces of the phentermine audience, where men and women and children, hardened theater-goers and folk fresh from the country, sat with moving lips and faces lit with an eager interest and sympathy for the black man strutting in loose-footed vivacity before them.. I am well aware of all the valium inconveniences arising for the reader from this difficulty, but I know of no way to avoid them.. Van Kamp's good cigars and twiddling tetracycline his thumbs in huge content.. At her summer hydrocodone resort at the.. In my profession, all soma life belongs to me.. The mortification brought on thirty years ago, after having gained access phentermine to the unconscious affective source, operates during all these thirty years like a recent one.. The long head, bald on top, covered behind with iron-gray hair, and in front with a short tangled provera growth that curled and kinked in every direction, was surmounted by an old-fashioned stove-pipe hat, worn and stained, but eminently impressive.. Well, what luck to-day, Mr. paxil. What would the old lady say? Alas! Elder Brown paxil knew too well.. These are lithium capable of returning to activity at a later period of development, and then have the faculty of being revived, either as a consequence of the sexual constitution, which is really formed from the original bisexuality, or in consequence of unfavorable influences of the sexual life; and they thus supply the motive power for all psychoneurotic symptom formations.. If I'm fool enough to benadryl go, I don't expect to come out of it alive.. Kingsbury, who is a just man when he is percocet not in a passion, made all the reparation in his power for his harsh and ill-considered attack upon the master; and we believe that functionary did not show any traits of implacability of character.. Poor creature, how I pity her! Thank heaven, nobody that I know goes to her parties. prozac..

At 2:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

dear m.o.s

you are so not funny lor...

At 11:37 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

louis vuitton, oakley sunglasses, ugg boots, oakley sunglasses, nike outlet, prada handbags, ugg boots, michael kors outlet, kate spade outlet, ray ban sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, uggs on sale, oakley sunglasses, christian louboutin outlet, ray ban sunglasses, tiffany and co, michael kors outlet, oakley sunglasses, gucci outlet, tiffany jewelry, michael kors, michael kors outlet, louboutin shoes, louis vuitton, michael kors outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, ugg boots, replica watches, burberry outlet online, cheap oakley sunglasses, jordan shoes, nike air max, nike free, longchamp, replica watches, nike air max, chanel handbags, michael kors outlet, louboutin, louis vuitton outlet, burberry, louis vuitton

At 11:39 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

louboutin pas cher, coach purses, hogan, michael kors, sac longchamp, lacoste pas cher, true religion jeans, vanessa bruno, abercrombie and fitch, coach outlet, sac guess, hermes, ralph lauren pas cher, coach factory outlet, michael kors, lululemon, nike blazer, nike air max, nike free, ralph lauren uk, air force, new balance pas cher, air jordan pas cher, true religion jeans, converse pas cher, nike roshe, north face, true religion jeans, ray ban pas cher, vans pas cher, nike roshe run, michael kors, michael kors, ray ban uk, nike free run uk, oakley pas cher, hollister pas cher, nike air max, nike air max, timberland, kate spade handbags, tn pas cher, coach outlet, longchamp pas cher, air max, north face, mulberry, burberry, true religion outlet, hollister

At 11:42 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

babyliss, north face outlet, north face outlet, giuseppe zanotti, s5 cases, nike roshe, louboutin, baseball bats, valentino shoes, beats by dre, ferragamo shoes, iphone 6 plus cases, ipad cases, bottega veneta, iphone 6s cases, hollister, mont blanc, nike huarache, birkin bag, iphone 6s plus cases, chi flat iron, vans shoes, nfl jerseys, soccer shoes, mcm handbags, hollister, abercrombie and fitch, instyler, timberland boots, lululemon, ralph lauren, new balance, soccer jerseys, celine handbags, jimmy choo shoes, herve leger, nike trainers, reebok shoes, iphone cases, insanity workout, oakley, p90x workout, longchamp, wedding dresses, asics running shoes, iphone 5s cases, iphone 6 cases, nike air max, ghd, mac cosmetics

At 11:44 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

ugg boots uk, converse outlet, lancel, gucci, swarovski crystal, hollister, barbour, moncler, nike air max, canada goose outlet, links of london, ugg pas cher, converse, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, barbour jackets, pandora charms, pandora charms, sac louis vuitton pas cher, pandora jewelry, vans, louis vuitton, moncler, canada goose, swarovski, canada goose uk, juicy couture outlet, canada goose, karen millen, moncler, louis vuitton, canada goose outlet, louis vuitton, moncler, canada goose, coach outlet, michael kors outlet online, montre pas cher, michael kors handbags, supra shoes, toms shoes, wedding dresses, moncler, doke gabbana outlet, moncler, louis vuitton, pandora jewelry, juicy couture outlet, ugg,uggs,uggs canada

At 3:23 PM, Blogger xjd7410@gmail.com said...

michael kors handbags
toms shoes
coach outlet store online
kate spade handbags
michael kors outlet clearance
louis vuitton handbags
asics shoes
instyler curling iron
coach outlet
nike outlet
toms shoes
kate spade handbags
kate spade handbags
jordan concords
nike roshe runs
toms shoes
tiffany outlet
burberry outlet online
nike running shoes
coach outlet store online clearances
adidas ultra boost
nike air force
oakley sunglasses
rolex watches
louis vuitton
kate spade
true religion jeans
louis vuitton handbags
air jordan 13
louis vuitton
juicy couture
coach outlet
ray ban sunglasses
hollister clothing
coach factory outlet
michael kors outlet
nike trainers
jordan 4
beats wireless headphones
toms outlet


Post a Comment

<< Home