Friday, March 09, 2007

Butterfly's Dictionary

They complain all the time on having to open up the online dictionary every time I wade into a verbose discourse and throw out words you read over hoping to be a spelling error. I'll save you the pop up window and fill you in on the more important daily breads of my blog.

But-ter-fly [adj]:

1. Short attention span. Sustained and collapsed by any one of the following; cleavage, short skirts and pretty faces.
2. Drinks and makes a fool of oneself.
3. Incapable of love and periodically emotionally void.
4. Kicks people in the nose in retaliation to being tickled.

Bra-s [noun]:

1. Horrible invention made to kill erections and warps our perception of actual cup sizes. Nasty. Should be made with velcro.
2. Largely used for cleavage amplification and free drinks.

My aptitude for removing them is somewhere between 24 secs and damaged goods. Yes, some people just have no talent for garment removal. If you see me fiddling with your backstrap, a courtesy tap on the head to tell me that the hook is in-front will be appreciated.

Mind-fuck-ed [adj]:

1. Distraction from attaining set goals
2. Lost of appetite, also seen as a good way to diet.
3. Could be situationally induced by sleeping with possible post ops and mis-timed withdrawals.

Me: “I hope I didn’t miscue.”
She: “You kidding right?!”
Me: “I hope you have your kid’s name all thought out.”
She: “Tell me you’re kidding!”
Me: “Well, you always have the morning after pill…”
She: “But it’s detrimental to health!
Me:And so is pregnancy…..”

Gi-rl-fri-end-s [adj]:

1. Alcohol moderators. Present at clubs to watch you liver and lighten your wallet.
2. Obnoxious creatures who believe they deserve priority in your life.
3. Prevents you from watching REAL sports programs like wrestling.
4. Refuses to pay up mahjong loses.
5. Determined people who believe in changing your lifestyle to suit theirs. They also double up to do your mother’s portion of the nagging.
6. Cannot pee further than men

Boy-fri-end-s [adj]:

1. Stupid men who have surrendered their lifestyle for regular sex.
2. Generally poorer than single men. I wonder why.
3. Tends to lie more than the average single man.

Wh-ale-s [adj]:

1. People who are excessively overweight and prone to constant self-wedgies from walking.
2. Usually synonymous with gluttony, body odour and cellulite.
3. Most probable suspect for stolen brownies and fudge cake.
4. Perfectly alright to throw random sucker punches at them. Add flying kicks only when absolutely necessary.

I’m sure most of you are perfectly well acquitted with this term. I’ve moderately eased up on my derogatory literature, but my stand remains the same. If you are a whale, you should be paying twice the club cover and double the buffet entry.

Remember, bulimia is your best-friend.

Ja-pan-ese [adj]:

1. Born with blow-job starter kits.

It’s no secret that Japanese are born with superior blowjob genes. I believe this is biologically attributed to the extra tongue tissues, but I love them for two reason; Sony and porn. The only cultural revolution in my dictionary, is internet proliferation of pornography.

If you are a record company mogul, you may want to consider a soundtrack of the best moans. All you need are Japanese. Two word.

Grammy.Worthy.

Jui-ce-s [noun]:

1. Collective term for all alcoholic beverages.
2. The only means ugly whales will ever get laid.
3. If correctly concocted and consume, they are a bulimic’s best friend.

The Dating Dictionary

Do-ll-s [adj]:

These are my favourites within their ethnic brackets, the ones that made me smile even with my pants on. I will dub them as my doll only and ONLY if they’ve made a significant imprint in my life. No, shoulder bite marks and cigarette burns do not count.

The headcount now stops at 2. My Japanese doll and MissSeptember.

Man-ne-quin [adj]:

1. Aesthetically pleasing companion who sustains conversations solely through the exploitation of cleavage, accidental slips or rhinoplasty.
2. Occasionally prone to mispronouncing ‘calories’.

And I have no idea what 'verbs' are.

14 Comments:

At 2:41 PM, Blogger Cindy said...

haha... very amusing entry.

however. "cellulite"

:D

 
At 1:08 PM, Anonymous Ecstasy said...

How's the bachelor results mate?

 
At 1:09 AM, Blogger The Horny Bitch said...

Evil.. haha. Guys don't mind cellulite right? How abt stretch marks???

 
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