Butterfly Meets The EX's Pt 1

Have you ever met your ex and felt absolutely great that you bailed out of the shit-hole called 'a relationship', so much that you ignored the calorie counts and decided to treat yourself to a tub of Ben and Jerry's? I know I have.

For the record, I don't have much ex's to begin with. I have one official count immoralised in the annals and that stands at 1. I'm adding another only because I did introduce her as my girlfriend and I'm still confused why I did it.

I haven't seen her for ages, but she's still the idiot she was. Since that span of 6 years, she's gotten slightly better looking, gotten herself a degree from some American institution with horrible faux accents included and a tongue stud. Which is the only focal point of our ensuing conversation.

Wan: "Hey I got my tongue pierced while I was in AMERICA."

I'm not being courteous on the caps, but she made it a point to emphasis that she didn't do it at some 50 cent back lane in Bangkok by meth induced prostitutes.

Me: "I saw.. it's great for blowjobs."

I'd safely say I didn't get the reaction I was looking for, which should be along the lines of a playful nudge to tell me how cheeky I am. Instead, her face mangled with exasperation and mild trauma, as if Michael Jackson had walked into her child care centre.

Me: "not.very.funny.."
Wan: "Don't think too much."

I paused. Did she think I was trying to hit on her?

Me: "Where's the boyfriend?"
Wan: "I'm single now..."
Me: "Good."
Wan: "You can start chasing me.."
Me: "Been there, done that, didn't like it one bit."

She was tipsy, I was tipsy and she looked like she was well ready to take more bullshit from me.

Wan: "I don't really remember about us actually.."
Me: "If you went through what I did? You wouldn't want to either...

And this was the sentence that proved, education is only valuable IF you are sober. Anything else, and your'e still the idiot you really are.

Wan: "Huh?"

I'd have celebrated my verbal counter with a cartwheel along the bar but I don't know if I can legitimately claim I won that retort, when the opponent had no comprehension of the slightest thing about what I just said.

The downside was that she hardly changed. Physically. I'd have imagine 3 years in the states would have properly educated her on the importance of silicone and rhinopast, but no. She was still the flat-nosed fashion victim of Wal-Mart shopping.