Snippets Of Being Sick

Being sick is one way to let people show you that they care. I know so because I've been under the weather for the whole week and that means I've responsibly quarantined myself from pleasantries in life like women, alcohol and fried chicken. I've even had a restraining order of 10 feet from my nephew.

On hindsight, this was a great thing because I never knew so many people actually cared about me when I'm sober.

LB: "What's up tonight?"
Me: "I'm sick."
LB: "I'm sure there's nothing DBL O can't cure."
Me: [cough] "I'm sick."
LB: "Okay whatever."

True friends offer a cure and stop immediately when they know it won't work.

Girl: "Do you want me to bring you medicine and porridge?"
Me: "That's all you are bringing?!"
Girl: "Is there something else I forgot?"
Me: "Thongs and a whip."
Girl: "......."

I'm no longer funny, even when I'm sick.

Me: "I'm sick."
Girl2: "You want me to put your dick in my mouth."
Me: "That's not really going to help matters."
Girl2: "I thought it usually helps."

I know I'm truly sick when that does not turn me on the least bit.

Ange: "Still hacking away?"
Me: "Some chick brought me cough mixture."
Ange: "See lah, sick still got TLC."
Me: "I'm so not drinking it."
Ange: "Why not?"
Me: "If I'm coughing and I get cough mixture, just imagine what I'll get when I have fever."

I'm sick, but I'm still optimistic.

Girl3: "Still sick?"
Me: "Last I felt, yes."
Girl3: "No one taking care of you?"
Me: "Again, last I checked, no. Maybe no one received my distress call yet."
Girl3: "Maybe no one cares about you anymore?"
Me: "Once more, last I checked, not fucking possible."

I'm still optimistic..

Totti: "Where to tonight?"
Me: "I'm sick."
Totti: "Okay bye bye."

And I didn't realise sickness could be transmitted over the phone these days.

Girl4: "Need someone to bring you to the doctor?"
Me: "You don't even drive."

I never know if it's the company that really matters or if driving to the clinic is hard enough when I'm sick, and now I have to kill myself and the passenger in a car accident.

Girl5: "Partying tonight?"
Me: "No. Sick."
Girl5: "Oh poor baby. See, this is why you need a girlfriend."
Me: "No, this is why I need my mummy to be around."

My mum will be happy to know that I'm not out drinking.