Butterfly meets The Nose

Reznor activated the clique this past Saturday night. We were heading to Chinablack with two girls whom he had never met before. Think horrors of that first IRC meeting with strangers and how everything that can possibly go wrong going wrong and now you've got the picture.

Pappy and me headed down to Mac's at Lido to wait for Reznor. He sends the worst SMS of the day. 'Sad story bro, she's damn ugly' and joins us shortly after I read his message.

Reznor: "How how?! The friend is DAMN ugly.. and I think they're trannies.."

I was caught by the ‘trans’ word and it was all I needed to hear. Now, I wanted to meet them.

Apparently, Reznor told them to wait for him at the entrance while he came over to look for us with the intention to make a quick exit. Pappy and I decided to assess the situation ourselves and rethink the strategy of damage control. We walked over to see how bad they were.

30 metres away. Pappy goes "Eh, not bad what.." I agreed with him because the one in black had quite a body to boot.
20 metres to go. We start taking back what we just said. The other girl in white has ugliness that is visible within a 20m radius.
10 metres left. The black girl indeed had a good body and a VERY sharp nose.

Considering how much I have a penchant or weakness to be precise, for girls with sharp noses, this would have been the perfect blind date for me. Except, I truly believe this girl was the lost 4th witch from Macbeth. She's the wicked witch of the east and she eats Dorothys' for lunch. Her nose was sharp but it was also HUGE. The ONLY saving grace to this predicted debacle was that they were genuine gals.

We walked back to tell Reznor to proceed with the original plan and that we could try losing them in the crowd inside. We headed in and Reznor ditched us to PR with his friends inside almost immediately. It was down to the wire between Pappy and I to decide who would actually get to entertain the ugly girl and we resigned our fate our the most mature way we could think of; Scissors, Paper, Stone. I lost, which sealed my fate with Miss Ugly and Pappy proceeded to break the ice with some small talk with TheNose. Reznor eventually came over and he told me the best thing all night

Reznor: "Bro, you don’t have to be nice to them. I’m not gonna see them ever again.. you can do ANYTHING."

I immediately signalled for Reznor to bring on the liqour because I was going to trash talking her all night. The night just got better. With Reznor's blessings, I started my conversation with her and picked the topic that was bugging me all night; her nose.

Me: “Your nose is very sharp.”

I stared intently.

She: “Ermm.. thanks.”

It was a genuine remark which she took as a compliment. I continued staring.

Me: "Eh, is it real?"

And I was really staring and scrutinizing it so hard I would have found pimples that were due to appear next year. She obviously heard it one too many times because she wasn’t even the slightest bit amused. She glared at me with the "duh.. that’s very rude of you" look. Fuck her, if she can’t take jokes.

Pappy and I are cracking jokes out of her nose’s expense and debate briefly over if it was possible for her to stab us with it. I asked for their names and did the mandatory round of cordial handshakes. MissUgly's hands were coarse and it was obvious she never heard of Dove before. They were boring the shit out of me with bad conversational skills or the things I said probably still offended them. Petty, ugly and boring. I needed to piss them off more.

Pappy spotted this other girl from one of our fishing trips. I shall call her Mango. Mango was this psychotic ass that got kicks out of videotaping patients at IMH jacking each other off. I’m fucking serious. I’ve seen a couple of the videos she took. She was way off the psycho charts, but for tonight, she was entertainment for me.

TheNose and MissUgly were still standing by the bar, dancing periodically, which I believed looked like muscle spasms. I need to explain why I named them as such. The Nose is self explanatory, you need to see her to know why. Miss Ugly had cocked eyes and a funny mouth. Every feature on her face was slightly askew that you subconsciously found yourself tilting your head while talking to her and she had the physique of a junior Whale.

Mango on the contrary, was crazy but she was also way more entertaining. Any girl who can manipulate mental degenerates into wanking one another cannot possible be a dull. She commented on the Jim Beam girls and how she wanted to be one. I told her the uniform kicked ass and if she did become one, I was going to take her home.

Out of courtesy, we asked TheNose and MissUgly if they wanted to drink. They said they'll have anything except beer so we bought beer just to piss them off. They ended up buying their own drinks. At this point, I could no longer comprehend why they hadn’t run off on their own, despite our blatant efforts to ditch them.

One hour later, we decided to call it a night and make an attempt to sneak out. I get spotted by TheNose and she told me she knew Reznor was up to something. No shit Sherlock, because Reznor was practically trying every shit to ditch them except blatantly spelling out "fuck off". It also didn't help that Reznor was a BAD liar who lies only to unwittingly reveal his previous lie.

I start staring at her nose again while she interrogated Reznor and she got offended. I can't believe what an ass she was. She made it seem like staring was rude! Reznor started making sexual innuendos to scare her off. In case the motive was blurred, we simply DO NOT want to send them home. It was pretty obvious now that they were clinging on just for the ride.

We met LB and Dek for supper. I just had to tell them the about the night and the witch.