Sunday, October 16, 2005

Butterfly meets Superficial Queen

Im a pretty superficial person for those who know me. I'm only attracted to people who are pretty or have a kickass body. Character is pretty much secondary to me, but this past Sunday, LB, Reznor and me met the Superficial Queen. I mean, this gal is seriously whacked! Her justifications of her criterias are totally TOTALLY warpped.I've met many warpped people, Blaque was my epitomy of warpness till this Sunday.

To start things of, we all have our list of 'what we like in our men/women'. I love women with tattoos, sharp nose, sharp features, good body.. blah blah blah. I absolutely do not date people whom im not the least physically attracted to even if they have the personality of a rainbow, the wit of those people from 'who's line is it' and the blowing skills of a porn star (i'll never go this far to begin with).

So we start talking and we ask her, Cindy, whats the thing about men that attracts her the most. She likes men with nice eyes and a nice smile. Ok.. pretty common answer we think. So we move on. We ask her what's the other impt physical trait, she says height. Cindy's like maybe 1.5m, so height is a pretty subjective matter here. I dun mean to be mean but, a 1.6m tall guy is decently tall comparatively. Then, it all starts...

Me: so whats a nice height?
Cindy: 1.75 at least

LB, Reznor and me shoot each other the.. 'she's joking rite' look. 1.75m at least? That puts him 25cm taller than her... is that even ideal? Im probably saying this cos im not even tt tall, but standing next to Cindy, she's barely at my shoulders. So 1.75 at least? Com'on cut some slack here

Me: Wah then if the guy 1.8 metre tall sial? Funny rite?
Cindy: No.. My Ex was 1.84m
Me: Then kissing quite diff for the guy leh.

Cindy is not amused.

Cindy: 1.72 still okay, but he has to have other redeeming qualities in loh.
LB: Huh, so if below 1.72 u wont consider? Even if he is damn good looking?
Cindy: Men under 1.70m look weird loh.

We go on about what if she falls in love with a guy and he's below 1.70, and she goes on about it being impossible. LB finds this absurd apparently.

LB: I mean u go speed dating then how?
Me: Yah, the guy would look pretty normal wad, sekali he stands up ( We act it out for her, we think its funny. Cindy doesnt).
Cindy: Then too bad loh..
LB: Just because he's short?
Cindy: Yah, short then no sense of security wad.
Me: Wad if he's short but he's damn fucking strong.
Cindy: But im already so short, i need some one tall in case i need to reach for stuff? Two short people look weird mah.
ReznorL Wad if he can jump really high.

This conversation is really whacked. We are having a ball just throwing dumb scenarios. Cindy obviously doesnt realise that the average height in SG is ard 1.70m and being 1.65m, you'll probably still be able to reach for the highest shelf in supermarkets. Its dumb if ya 1.65m and u need to find Shaq to reach for that box of cereals.

We decide to throw in other factors. Cos she maintains that height is only factor.

Me: So what if he's 1.75, damn good looking.. but he has a 4 inch dick.
Cindy: Then cannot loh..
Me: What if he's Keanu Reeves but he has a 4 inch dick.
Cindy: then too bad.. break up.
Me: Just bcos he has a small dick?! Then next time sekali u get married then on the nite of ya wedding u realise he has a small dick how?
Cindy: That won't happen.

We are throwing the dumbest scenarios of bad breadth, BO's, overtly hairy etc at her and her list keeps growing.

Cindy: U ask any girl loh, no one will date anyone shorter than 1.70

Ohh gimme a fucking break! This is bullshit man, she's making 1.70m seem like the benchmark to celebrate escape from dwarfism. In her country, Snow White's probably some huge ass bitch and the Seven dwarfs are average Asian men. And this is totally crap because Cindy's 1.50m! If she was like 1.65 or taller we'd probably not have kicked up such a rack.

This gal is SUPERFICIAL. There is no such thing as 'might consider' in her dating vocab. Its polarized to either '1.75 or not'. She wun even consider 1.69m, 1.72 is really pushing her limits. On top of that, the guy needs to have nice eyes and smile, no odour wadsoever, good looking and importantly a big dick.

I suddenly feel like a slut for my negotiable list of criterias. I need to start being more picky.


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