Saturday, April 29, 2006

Why the Butterfly flutters

There was a time, I met this girl.

Something in her eyes subdued me. Something that tamed me, and at the same time, made me feel alive. I had been floating, drifting so carelessly in the strawberry fields, so disenchanted with love but for a moment, I saw good in it.

So we talked for the night. Under the blanket of cosmic mystery, I was for once blessed by the dating Moguls. She rested her head on me as I watched her sleep. Her gentle weight upon my lap and her hair weaved across my thighs.

We made magic that night and the morning after. The passion in me had lost its wings of lust, it was love for the first time. There was something in her that I was dying to hold on to, a cause that was fleeting from me. The defiance of time and boundaries in my attempt to keep this from being just a memory. I didn't want this to end.

Stay in my memory.

Then she kissed me, with the same sadness in her eyes. It touched me, almost like a reverberating silence in my hollow heart. The echo slowly filling the void of my desolate conscience. Perhaps it was time I returned from my sabbatical.

Stay in my memory, you'll always be in mine.

Living with a memory was the most painful thing for me. The burden of "what if's" weighed incessantly on me. The others came and went as fast as I drifted from one possiblity to the next casualty. I had to arrest this, I had to chase the dream.

So I did.

Two nights of magic was all we had. All I had done, was tasted impossibilty. And I was hooked. She was the magic mushroom that cured me, and the aftermath of my rudimental awakening was a dependency on her. She was all I wanted.

The kiss of impossibility was a tease, a stroke that devalued everything else around it. She was the yardstick to measure all else that came to challenge, that tried to pry me away.

The naiviety of me.

The open heart of a Butterfly, like all else, is a vulnerable one. I kept my world guarded for a reason, and perhaps it was a mistake to open it. She was the fleeting dream beneath my feet, and I watched as reality set in to take her away, again.

I want to stay in your memory, she said. You'll always be in mine.

"Someday, someone will make you happy. It wouldn't be me.."

10 Comments:

At 2:47 AM, Anonymous hecate said...

it will always be the "what ifs" that torment us, doesn't it?

but even if you are able to find someone who will want to make you settle down, the traits of the butterfly will never cease to be, because that's who we are, and who we'll always be.

and then, the what ifs will still haunt you...even more painful than ever.

 
At 3:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

the butterfly flutters because its wings are built in a way it can't fly straight..

 
At 4:02 PM, Anonymous Red said...

The artistry of your words, the winsomeness of your face...
Is the butterfly still trap in the cacoon from which he was reborn?

What is not given, cannot be taken away.
Lions don't always belong in the wild
but the king of beasts is still king.
and you, my common friend, are in your own prison.
Who is to say that lions in zoos are not freer than you.

 
At 8:40 PM, Blogger The Butterfly said...

hey sorry guys for the digression of theme here.

No, the Butterfly ain't fallen yet, neither do I have some terminal illness. I'm fine as ever..

Firstly, I actually wrote this in a poem, while I was quite intoxicated. I just decided to rewrite it, taking away the poeticism of it.

The original poem is still with me, but i doubt it'll be of interest to anyone here. If you are into poetry and want it, let me know. I know I am.

This is a random entry and I will delete it in due time and get back to writing rubbish.

Hecate, yea 'What If's' are the heaviest words to carry. Sounds like you know it well.

Red, I'll like to see that as a compliment.. hmm, since you've seen me before, winsomeness seems quite appropriate. Your words almost engaged me, perhaps I am a prisoner of my own device. Thankfully though, I have the key.

 
At 5:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i love this entry alot. its so.. how do i say this.. different from your normal post.

this girl is very special isn't she? and i think i might just know who it is..

 
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