Friday, April 07, 2006

Mambo is for the deaf

I needed someone to get me out for drinks and Blaque answered that call of distress. This is a rarity, almost like fucking a Siamese twin, cos he NEVER comes out late on a week day. Blaque unlike me, has work priorities and working in a Forex company kills social life.

We head to Zouk which on a Wed night plays 'I can't fucking believe people are still doing the hand patterns' retro. I hear people shrieking in disgust already. Don't roll your eyes at me, you've been there before. Putting me in a retro arena is like watching retards trying to fuck a doorknob, I'm absolutely out of place.

I always think Mambo is a disco for the deaf. You get social workers on the platforms doing sign language dances for the deaf. You don't even need to know the lyrics, you can litterally see it. If you still dance to retro songs, religiously moving your hands to the lyrics, its ok. Its a dysfunctional ascribed trait, much like ugliness, obesity, necrophillia and pedophilia. You might want to get that checked soon.

Its bad enough when people start a sing-s-long session, but is sign language legitimately considered a dance? I guess its cool for a time but people need to move on. Do you really what to be zooified for the rest of ya disco dancing life? Then I realise something, the only reason why I'm appalled by them is that they aren't good looking. If a cute girl was up there, I'd have been way more forgiving. Which brings my argument to this.. Looks is EVERYTHING. I cant imagine me having an ugly kid, I might kill them. Its a wonder why my parents didn't kill me, I was an ugly kid growing up.

Blaque was hilariously entertaining for me. Some chick goes up to hug him from behind and he turns to her and shouts.

Blaque: "ARE YOU FROM CHINA?!!?!"
Girl: "No, I'm from Malaysia. Why? Are you from China?"

In case you don't get this, let me try to explain without killing the hilarity of this. You see, Blaque's perception of all morally decadent women stamps alot from their country of origin. So random women coming up to hug him is a sign that they are mainlanders. Hint, you might like to link the societal perception of China women. If you are a girl, don't read much news and have no idea what I'm driving at, you might like to take a walk with me out on a night of vice.

Blaque is completely throwing the structure of chatting women up at clubs out the window. He starts spouting rubbish at her and her friends try dragging her away from him. Classic sight. He wraps his arm round her waist while he proceeds with his conversational roadkill. Then he turns to me.

Blaque: "She thinks she can eat my 'ba', but I eat her 'ba' back."

Another female friend of mine, Cherry, comes to join us and we head back to join Jane and her air-stewardess friends at the table. There's only one hot enough to grab my attention, and alot of it is due to the plunging neckline and the ample cleavage. If you saw it, you'll stare at it. We did, for a good remainder of the night.

We're like old men oogling at meat, and a large part of our conversation revolved around second guessing if she's wearing any bra. You have to understand how bored I was (4 shots tequila only and bad music), I'm usually way more decent like telling her outrightly that her boobs are distracting me. Today, I'm mellow.

Blaque: "She's not wearing.. I can see right down and I don't see a bra.."
Me: "Wha...what? Sorry I'm still at the right boob, I'll tell you my verdict when I get that far."
Blaque tells Cherry about his amazing sex feats, she'll testify to it that I'm not lying. He starts laughing at everyone's dick being small. This is his response to the "Tammy Video"

Blaque: "That guy is a joke! His dickhead is damn small."

It turns out that cleavage chick's boyfriend knows Cherry, and well he kinda lied to her about him being single a week back. That jerk, Blaque decides to embark on a moral crusade and have Cherry hook up with the guy while he attempts to pry the girlfriend from under his nose. Fails.

I have no clear idea why I actually agreed to meet Jane there, this is the same girl who told me she likes me and as much as an asshole I can be, I try not to lead people on. Tonight she's going with a different attitude, she's trying to be my best friend instead, by calling me "Hey Bro." Do not do that EVER. It makes me feel like I'm fucking guys.

The crowd is great, I just hate the music and the damn smirk on the damn retro dancers faces when they execute the synchronise lyric dancing. If I was going hard on the juices, I'd have puked couple times over just so that everyone would look at me instead. Some Ladyboys start dancing around the table. One has a top that is hanging on solely because of her silicon twin peaks. I say, "Wahhhh." She ignores me. That bitch, he/she is ugly anyway.

Everytime Blaque tells me his feats, I wonder why no porn production company has approached him. IF you run a porn production, get in touch with me, I'll introduce you to quite possibly the next Ron Jeremy.

Edit: To hell with retro. Meet Tiesto. This is me briefly shuffling outside The Cathay. Video


At 4:10 PM, Anonymous coolinguy said...

You are damn right..
i was totally disgusted when i was there half a yr ago...
Its the wed nite...seems that time has freezed and those pathetic kids are doin those aweful moves...
Rename the theme to Line-dancing night...better hor ..

At 7:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mambo sucks! People need to grow up!

At 4:59 PM, Blogger The Butterfly said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 5:00 PM, Blogger The Butterfly said...

Hey Im always right haaa.. unless it comes to guessing a girls age..

At 10:33 PM, Blogger The Horny Bitch said...

Mambo is for army and poly guys.

Guys should never ever try having physical contact with gals they just met. Turn off!

Anw, I guess ur fren don have a big dick. Those with big ones never laugh at others. :p

At 9:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

not true not true... i have big dick and i laugh haha

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