Saturday, April 15, 2006

Butterfly tries to angle a foursome.. bad idea.

There are thing you have to accomplish in life, and partaking in a foursome is one of those thats inscribed on my checklist. MissBangs is practically asking to be fucked with her teasing sms to LB, and being thrown into the fray of an impending debaucherous night, I'm merely milking the cow for all its worth.

MisBangs: "Hello Toy Boy, when are you going to pleasure me?"

It eventually turns into a sex tease exchange between them leading to a double date. I contemplate the idea then decide that fucking MissBangs has its weight in merits. All I need is just to convince the two girls that sharing me is a great idea. For the straight jacket moralist falling into a manic outburst on my actions, you don't have to read you know.

Ivory and MissBangs say they are heading to Momo, but it takes one SMS from me saying that I'm at Zouk to make them change their course and head straight into sexual infamy. I'm the reason why girls should never change their plans for guys. We ain't worth it.

The moment they join us at members, I appraise the situation and envisage that this might be a bad idea after all. Ivory starts hugging me, much to my chagrin. I hate to be monopolized. Unless I'm dating you, I don't want you hugging me within a 10 feet proximity of hot girls. I'll let you know when it's ok to hug me in public. Signs to give the go ahead includes grabbing your boobs or ass. Or if you are hotter than me, then its almost always ok.

I start to angle my proposal for a foursome to MissBangs.

Me: "Later it's you, LB and me in the sack. Ivory can join if she wants."
MissBangs: "No cannot. I don't share well."
LB: "You can fuck me first then fuck him later.."
MissBangs: "Cannot, I don't like sharing... Butterfly is taken anyway"

I stare at her C cup bosoms and decide "No" is not an option. I move in for my second endeavor.
Me: "You can fuck me, Im a virgin. Its a bargain for you to deflower me."
MissBangs: "Oh really? I'm a virgin too.."
Me: "Good all four of us can lose it together, saves us time and we can watch a DVD after that."

LB: "We are going to watch DVD's together, you are coming with us."
MissBangs: [nods] "I want to watch comedies."

The stage is set, now all I need to do is go back, grab my disc and condoms and we can (in the words of BEP), get the party started. My very very hot hairstylist shoots me funny looks from where she's standing. She comes over to to tease us.

She: "Wah everyday hug different people."
Me: "My arms are on the railings, she's leaning on it, I ain't touching her."

We leave Zouk. At the valet, Ivory starts hugging me tightly from the back.

Me: "Hey I'm perspiring lah, don't hug me."
Ivory: "Its ok.."
Me: "What do you mean 'its ok'? I'm asking you NOT to hug me. I'm drenched."
Ivory: "I know, I don't mind, its ok."
Me: "No, I'm telling you NOT to hug me. You're making me perspire more and you are tugging at my braids."

I get home, half breaking out into a sprint of anticipatory excitement, then rumage through my DVD selections. I have NO comedies, the latest show I have is American Pie: The Wedding, and I've seen it enough times to learn never to trim your pubes before a wedding. I need to re-stock on my stash of pirate discs. I take two condoms. The night is made.

Side note: I get a call from Blaque to tell me he is in hospital following a car accident. He has some facial cuts but everything else is fine. Afterall, its never the face that he's concerned with. If the package is in place, everything can fall apart and it still won't matter. I tell him my plans for the night, he laughs and tells me to send him pictures.

LB stops over at the petrol station and I move in discretely to slip him a French cap. He directs my attention to MissBang's purchases in the kiosk.

LB: "Look dude, she's buying condoms. I don't think I'll need this."

This is perfect because she's outrightly showing that she knows something is going to happen and that the comedy movie is to trivialize sex. Someone is going to get fucked tonight and I'm hoping its all of us, together. This is good, we can be adult about this and dive straight into damnation.

We put in the best show we find, Wallace and Gourmit.

10mins into the show and MissBangs is straddling LB. I pay absolutely no attention to the fucking talking plasticines on screen, while I steal glances at MissBangs placing LB's hands on her boobs.

12mins into the show and she is teasing him by pulling her top off centre to reveal more cleavage. Fuck the damn movie, I make no attempt to hide my blatant staring. Nothing beats live sex. I start cheering them on. Remember, I have a spit full of alcohol enough to start a barbeque, everything is a good idea at this point.

15mins into the joke of a movie, LB and MissBangs are choosing which rooms to fuck in. I tell them I'm going with them. Ivory shoots me disgusted looks, could be just her face, I don't know. I ignore her anyway. She tells me she's tired.

Me: "Go sleep, you are disturbing my show."

She hurtles off into one of the bedrooms, LB and MB(MissBangs) are stilling deciding on a room, and I'm lying of the couch, determined to get myself in the mood. The foursome is not going to materialize and I'm going to end up fucking familiar pussy. Its going to be ok, as long as she doesn't kill me.

Deciding to sleep with Ivory turns out to be a BAD decision.

As I lie there and her immediately stripping of her top and going on top of me, I realise that I don't really want to get fucked tonight. She starts straddling me and a couple of blood rushes later, I think maybe Im wrong, getting fucked might not be that bad an idea.

Then it all goes wrong...

She starts whispering sweet nothings into my ear. It starts out ok, with stuff like

Ivory: "You are so hot tonight."

Compliments I can appreciate. Then it escalates into pillow talk nightmare.

Ivory: "I really miss you and I really like you.."

I remain silent and start to think of everything else except her. I start counting sheeps, think of Brazil winning the World Cup and hum 'Jesus loves me'.

Ivory: "I want you every night.."

I start thinking of everyone else other than her. Starting from Japanese porn starlets. Not even she can fuck up sex for me this time! I'm determined to enjoy myself, even if I have to call her Kaede Matsushima. Then it gets worse..

As she lies over me, she constantly adjusts my rubbered prick. Thinking she's stimulating it, I let her be. Then 1 min later, I look down to see this crease, like a little torn off knot at the tip of the condom. I go hysterical and I start screaming at her.

Ivory: "Wha..what? I didn't"

I move my fingers over the tip and I feel what I think is a hole.

Ivory: "I didn't!"

The first couple of thoughts that pans out in my mind is that this is a girl interrupted. She's mentally unstable and obsessed with me to the point that,

a) She wants me to impregnate her
b) She has AIDS and wants me to catch it so that I'm stuck to be her AIDS fuck buddy.


In between my hysteric disposition and yelling, I pull out the condom and run my fingers through it again. Funny how it feels different this time, it feels almost.. complete. The hole is non-existent and the knot I saw is gone. I could have sworn.. but now I made things awkward. I wonder if I can just slip the condom back on.

Me: "Ohh, yea it's not torn."

She stares at me almost as if I'd wronged her. I don't give a shit, when paranoia fucks with you, you DO NOT take chances, yelling is always a good way to deter them from ever trying it. She sits up, visibly pissed even through the dim light. I deduce that largely from her tone of voice when she tells me to go grab another condom.

This is a bad idea. Considering that the condoms are with LB and at this time, and the two of them should be like mating lions on a queen sized bed. I'd be pissed if someone interrupts me while I'm humping away at my conquest. I scurry across the living room in my boxers and knock tactfully at the room door. LB comes out looking VERY displeased.

I get back to the bed but having lost the moment, I decide that sleeping is a better option. Ivory objects to this because she believes that I'm not going to call her ever again. She's a bright one, not too good at sex but she's smart enough to know that she's only good enough to be a booty call.

Ivory: "You have to fuck me tonight, cos you are never going to call me again."
Me: "Cant I just call and fuck you some other day instead?"
Ivory: "No I know you're not going to call me again. Why did you have to call me today?"
Me: "I was asked to call you, so that LB can hook up with MB. Not that I wanted to call you."

Of cos, the way I said it made it seem like I was joking. It's meant to be a joke, but everything about it is true. I don't lie.. usually.

As soon as we resume sex, LB and MB starts blasting the television volume outside the living room. I come out to see them each drapped in a towel. LB makes a 'that was bad sex' sign at me. I start laughing, nothing can be worse than the 30sec trauma I had just survived. I was wrong.

Over breakfast, LB starts unloading his part of the story. Which starts off with,

LB: "Fuck you lah! You and your bright idea about fucking MB!"

Then this is the gist of what he had to endure.

- Apparently the foreplay lasted a tad too long for his liking and it was littered with her asking questions about me, generally about if I was a player and some stuff about Lee. He told her to shut up.

- He grumbled that she had no clit. Her vagina felt weird, there was a large ball in place of the clit and that he couldn't find her hole. It was wet though.

- Her breast were fake. How did he know? He felt two scars below the bust and silicon that has seen better softer times.

- She almost broke his dick trying to insert into her.


They took a cab home after breakfast while we continued complaining about the WORST HOOK UP EVER!


At 4:07 AM, Anonymous Lion-o said...

whoaaaa.. no clit???, 2 balls in place????? sounds like a full blown transvestite man ....euwwwwwwww......

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