Wednesday, May 24, 2006

10 Things why Butterfly loves Taiwan

There's plenty reasons why Taiwan is a great place, and you should like it. Everything is given a dichotomous value in my world since the polar extremes are usually the only things rant worthy. Being normal or filed in that grey area is boring and no one really gives a shit about you. I don't understand how interesting it can be to read about people's lives on what they ate, where they shopped.. unless of cos that person is me. Seriously... it cant be boring if its about me.

Before you decide to go book a ticket over here because I, your Mr Tourism Taiwan says this place is great, you might want to wait for my next post which is about the 10 Things why this place sucks. For now, its only the good things.

1. Food. I'm sure you've seen the Taiwanese variety programmes enough to know that Taiwan is all about eating. Yes, there's alot to eat here. You can find anything, from snakes to spiders to dogs to rabbits to God knows what. You can eat the entire Chinese Zodiac here. For real.

The variety of exotic food here is good, and so are the push cart vendors. The only draw back is that they lack decent sitting spaces and the food's not exactly Bangkok cheap. Everything should be Bangkok cheap if they know whats good for them.

2. Shopping. I am as of typing this, close to officially broke and might need to peddle some of my organs to the black market for spare cash. They might not take my liver so I'm hoping my toe-nails might fetch some medicinal value.

I've spent over SGD$500 on shopping in 3 days, and you think only girls go crazy. Remember when I said I have moderation issues, add shopping to that list. My lastest acquisition is a pair of Onitsuka Tiger sneakers, which I think is the best thing I've held since the pair of tits last night. (will get to that later). I will post pics of it later. I mean the shoes of cos.

The clothes and shoes variety here is insane. In case you don't know, Singapore is actually backwater season for shoes. Street fashion is good here but if you're the Prada shades, Hermes bags kinda fag, then you should never leave SG. High fashion here is insanely priced. Do no bother. The only reason why I bothered walking in is the salesgirls, which I think are hired from modelling agencies. Fuck, if only SG maintained such standards.

Edit: The GREAT thing about Taiwan is that the shops close late. 11pm on a weekday and well over midnights on weekends. When I got back to Singapore I bitched alot about them closing at 9.40pm and wondered how I managed to get through life here

3. Gossip mags. Anything that has cleavage baring images of celebrities deserves a mention.

4. Hotels. Ok this is alittle tricky to explain and I'm not sure if I got this right. The locals here call pubs, Ye Dian and Jiu Dian's (hotels) are nightclubs. It took awhile for us to actually get it, because every other local here kept telling us to go Jiu Dian to party and we had no fucking idea what's so great about hotel lounges.

Naturally if anyone tells me to do something more than once over a day and throws in key words like "naked girls", I'll heed advices. LB, RoundEyes and I headed over to one, after alot of persuasion from one of the Papa-san. I'll do a breakdown for the guys on the charges.

I spent NT$2300 in total. NT$2000 for 1 hour and this includes 1 bottle of Johnny Walker Supreme (its like Martell VSOP ) there is a NT$1000 fee for the waiters so we split that 3 ways. Basically this is wat you get.

a. A karaoke room with fruits and drinks
b. One bottle of any drink of your choice.
c. You get 1 girl of your choice who will accompany you through the night. This girl will be topless, unless you don't want her to be.

The girls selection ain't great, you can find prettier girls at night market stalls. I mean it in a good way. The damn salesgirls in the nightmarket are hot. Anyway, these girls are decent enough for me to want to see them naked. Some are horribly scary and shanky that I think hunger drove them into prostitution. They need the money for a makeover any way, so it's good if other people patronise them.

I pick this very tall girl. I think she is cute and she looks good standing 3m from me.

10mins later: I have no idea why I picked her. She is almost my height and she might possibly weigh more than me carrying a field pack after a buffet.

15mins later: RoundEye's girl is way cuter and slimmer than mine. I hate making haste decisions.

16mins later: The lap dance starts and I now confirm that I made a BAD choice in picking her. She nearly crushes my lap when she tries to sit on me and I tell her the only thing she should put over my lap is either her arm or calf. I also dissuade her from standing up in front of me between my thighs while lap dancing, since she looks clumsy, chances of her falling on me and crushing my prick is pretty high. Not funny at all.

20mins later: I look at RoundEyes enjoying his lap dance more than I ever will. I hate giving fat people chances. I'm going to hate fat people all the more now if you realise.

She: "I used to be alot slimmer.. it's the holidays.."

I eye her suspiciously. And all I said was, "you don't like exercising much right?".

The math works out for me since I actually got to finish the whole bottle. I drank quite a bit, since the other two are LB and RoundEyes, and you know how little LB takes his juice. He took quite abit last night, got drunk and threw a watermelon straight at me. It hit me square in the eye and I spent the next 5 mins clutching my left eye screaming in pain.

The guy eventually allowed us to stay as long as we wanted.

5. Night Markets. I love it when streets are still lined with food and shops even at 11.30pm. They sell Malamutes in the night markets can you believe it! In case I've yet to mention, I'm crazy about dogs. If you have a Husky or a Malamute, I will entertain you even if you are fat and ugly, so long as you bring them out for me to play with. I won't fuck you though.

6. The girls. Normally this would be the first on my list, but since no one has actively hit on me in the last 3 days, I'm relegating them to 6th spot. The girls here all seem to have a make-up starter kit built into them. Everyone of them looks as if they spent 1 year working over the counter for Estee Lauder cosmetics. Taiwanese girls are good at dolling up just as Japs are great at giving blowjobs. Japs give the best damn head I tell you, they are all born with a blowjob start up kit, but thats another story for another time.

Girls here also seem to have nicer features in general. Truth is, I'm very particular about facial features. I love girls with sharp nose, and I think a person's nose determines alot if the person looks good. Notice how models usually have sharp noses, that's because sharp features give dimension to pictures. I have a sharp nose, and if I have it, it has to be good. Except for unstraight teeth and a horrible conscience, I have those, and it's not good to have those or so I've heard.

7. Dessert. If you thought desserts are all about $1 ice kacangs and Cheng Teng, then you need to call up Webster and have them change the dictionary. They give mix fruit baskets a whole new meaning. Thumbs up, the only thing that can top this, is if they had naked waitresses.

8. The weather. I might have to take this back because its been raining these couple of days. It was very nice and cooling when we first got here. Apparently we came at the tail end of a typhoon, hence the breeze. Nothing beats the night in Australia.

9. Bikini Party nights at clubs. Seriously, there's nothing more that needs to be explained. Girls partying in biniki tops.. what's there to complain. Girls. Bikinis. Happy Butterfly. Nuff said.


10. Toilets. They have some of the most peroxide-free smeared seat covers and floors in all my travels. They are VERY clean and have very cute automated gadgets like automatic seat lifting and stream jetting your ass. Maybe it's just that they don't pee or shit much.


At 11:36 PM, Blogger Jack said...

I've been to Taiwan recently, and yes, same sentiments, man. The people of that country definitely understand the true meaning of enjoyment. Now who are we to say, "Hey! Live your life to the fullest!"

And what on earth made you fly Jetstar? The last time I flew in it, I decided to boycott it for the rest of my life.

At 10:53 AM, Blogger sÞ¡ηηєє said...

Won't save too much with Jetstar...... kekeke...

I'm thinking of going TW at yr end...

Seriously, I really thought their girls are prettier.. hmm

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